I have come across so many I thought that it would be cool of me to see if I could hook some of you up with each other in a more personal way.
So at exactly 4:23 this morning, yet another Matt-Tastic idea popped into my noggin…
Matt-Man’s Internets Bag-A-Date ™
Yes I have created my very own dating site, and to get this party started I will be the first applicant.
Name: Matt-Man, Bitch!!
Sex: Male
Race: Human
Age: Two Score and Three
Height: 6’
Weight: 13.57 Stone
Residence: Bagwine, Ohio
Occupation: Time Bandit
Looking for: Female between the ages of 18-72. 13-72 if you live in Alabama.
What are you looking for in a companion?
Breathing is a plus. Hair and eyes are cool. Boobs and a vagina would be nice. Oh, and low self-esteem. For some reason, chicks with very low self-esteem seem to dig me.
What is your idea of the perfect date?
Strolling hand in hand through the park on a warm, sunny day with a nice girl. Perhaps get an ice cream cone at the craft show. Later, attending an inspiring, evening Church service of her choice.
And then, back to my place for some hot sex involving ice cubes and candle wax. Preferably Cowgirl style while listening to Leonard Nimoy sing The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.
What turns you on in the bedroom?
Massages, foreplay involving fresh fruit, a mini-bar, pagan sacrifice in the soft glow of a lava lamp, Leonard Nimoy.
What characteristics in a person turn you off?
Closed mindedness, hate, lack of understanding of others, and midgets…or Little people or dwarfs or whatever the hell you call those tiny folks, they creep me the fuck out.
Tell us about you. Any hobbies that you enjoy?
Playing and watching sports. Listening to music, cooking, and time travel. I really enjoy going back to 18th Century Paris and doing Pub Crawls with Ben Franklin.
Post Your Picture!! (Make sure it captures your personality and what you are all about!!)
Congratulations!! Your application is complete.
When we find your match(es) or a lonely convict who would like to be your pen pal, we will notify you.
Thank you for using Matt-Man’s Internets Bag-A-Date ™.
Cheers, and see you all tomorrow for Half Nekkid Thursday!!
