First of all, my boss, Drive-By Mikey, has imposed a new nickname on me.
For over a year now, he has referred to me like most people do: Matt-Man. As of yesterday, he now refers to me as, “Toothpick”.
Why? Because of my legs…While I do have damn muscular thighs (right Schmoop?), my legs below the knee are according to him, like toothpicks.
As you can see from the picture, he may have a point.
Between my constant pacing at home (I think better that way) and the walking I do at work, I probably ambulate 3 miles a day, so they are sinewy, but a bit thin looking.
Oh well…
I still don’t know if I like being called, “Toothpick” by my pig fucker boss. Yeah, my boss, the pig fucker.
See, Mikey not only owns the Drive-Thru at which Pizza Bill and I work, but he’s a farmer as well, and he raises pigs. He recently delivered a litter of 15 piglets.
I just hope Mikey wore a rubber when he dorked the pork, at least until it burst and he impregnated sexy Sooooozy.
And now…a brief political comment. Senator Arlen Specter has decided to leave the GOP and join the Democrats.
While I find it funny, I am not a big fan of what he is doing. Now don’t get me wrong, I have always liked Specter, but I am disappointed by his decision.
If Specter was leaving the Republicans solely on ideological and policy issues that would be fine.
But, he is abandoning the party that helped him to get where he is in order to avoid losing his seat in the 2010 Senate Primary to a more conservative Republican, Pat Toomey.
I didn’t like it when Jerusalem Joe Lieberman did it to the Dems, and I don’t like to see Specter do it to the GOP.
I still don’t know if I like being called, “Toothpick” by my pig fucker boss. Yeah, my boss, the pig fucker.
See, Mikey not only owns the Drive-Thru at which Pizza Bill and I work, but he’s a farmer as well, and he raises pigs. He recently delivered a litter of 15 piglets.
I just hope Mikey wore a rubber when he dorked the pork, at least until it burst and he impregnated sexy Sooooozy.
And now…a brief political comment. Senator Arlen Specter has decided to leave the GOP and join the Democrats.
While I find it funny, I am not a big fan of what he is doing. Now don’t get me wrong, I have always liked Specter, but I am disappointed by his decision.
If Specter was leaving the Republicans solely on ideological and policy issues that would be fine.
But, he is abandoning the party that helped him to get where he is in order to avoid losing his seat in the 2010 Senate Primary to a more conservative Republican, Pat Toomey.I didn’t like it when Jerusalem Joe Lieberman did it to the Dems, and I don’t like to see Specter do it to the GOP.
This type of action lacks loyalty, and is incredibly self-serving. So, pfffffffft to you Arlen.
Lastly, Schmoop’s brother David, relayed a very disturbing story to me yesterday about their sister. You know…
Lastly, Schmoop’s brother David, relayed a very disturbing story to me yesterday about their sister. You know…
The sister who gives their 85 year old mom coloring books and Serenity Adult Diapers as gifts…
Well, her dog died.
Overcome with grief, Koloring Book Kunt (David’s words, not mine) and her husband (who will drive 300 miles to save 50 cents on a 2 liter of Mountain Dew), laid out a wad of cash for a tiny dog casket and a headstone for said dead dog, and buried her in the backyard.
Where in the backyard, you ask?
Next to all of the OTHER pet headstones and caskets!! Are you listening Stephen King!? Schmoop’s sister is running her own, personal Pet Sematary!!
Hell, why not combine all of the dead dogs into one, giant Pawsoleum!?
David and Schmoop…They just found out themselves, but as you can see, for good reasons, they don’t…go…over there. Oy.
And now, speaking of Schmoop, she will be doing another installment of, Dispatches From My Ass tomorrow.
Where in the backyard, you ask?
Next to all of the OTHER pet headstones and caskets!! Are you listening Stephen King!? Schmoop’s sister is running her own, personal Pet Sematary!!
Hell, why not combine all of the dead dogs into one, giant Pawsoleum!?David and Schmoop…They just found out themselves, but as you can see, for good reasons, they don’t…go…over there. Oy.
And now, speaking of Schmoop, she will be doing another installment of, Dispatches From My Ass tomorrow.
It should be another award winning offering from the Schmoop.
Until then, my friends…Eat a pig. Betray those who helped ya, and bury a dead pet in your backyard.
Cheers!!
Until then, my friends…Eat a pig. Betray those who helped ya, and bury a dead pet in your backyard.
Cheers!!
