Bagwine Racial Equality Week: Get Over Yourselves

"Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend.”

--Helen Keller

For the last few days I have been making fun of blacks, whites, and people of other “colors”.

The results of my posts have been somewhat funny, fascinating…and telling.

I noticed that on Tuesday’s post about black people that I hate, I had many hits but few comments. On Wednesday, when I discussed white people that I hate…?

I had fewer hits than I did the day before, but far more comments…WTF? Are white people afraid to make fun of black assholes, but easily goaded into making fun of white people?

Some of you, and not all of you mind you, are pussies. It’s okay to make fun of blacks as well as whites or any other group.

As long as you are making fun of a person because they are an asshole and its not based upon anything over which they have no control, it’s okay. Trust me, I have been doing it to myself for years.

I stated Tuesday that I hate Chris Rock, but I don’t. I was joking. Chris Rock lives by one rule. He makes fun of whites, blacks, and anyone who is an asshole.

As do I…only he does it better. Anyhoo…it’s okay to make fun of ALL people.

I make fun of Jeebus’ Jewishness. I make fun of my very good Dago friend, Vinny. I make fun of my drunken, Irish self. What’s the big deal?

Some of you white folks need to relax and learn to live without a memory of slave-owning guilt.

Some of you black folks need to realize that most white folks today have no idea what slavery is, nor do they owe you anything for it.

"At the heart of racism is the religious assertion that God made a creative mistake when He brought some people into being”

--Friedrich Otto Hertz

Cheers!!

Oh I forgot...I was gonna list the white chicks I wanna hose...In order to keep it short...Move over Kat, Matty's hoppin' in bed witcha. Boo Yah!!

Bagwine Racial Equality Week: Non-Caucasian Muffins I'd Love To Butter

Okay Kiddies…The past couple of days I have discussed my equal opportunity hate for a handful of black people and white people.

Today and tomorrow it’s all about my equal opportunity love for the ladies. Today on Bagwine Racial Equality Week (BREW), I give you…

Non-Caucasian Muffins That I’d Love To Butter!!

And folks…I am not going to rehash my ancient, ongoing drooling love for Tyra Banks. I am going to spotlight some lesser known ladies.

Alison Stewart (top) and Tamron Hall (bottom, mmmmm, bottom): Why do I put these two lovely ladies together? Well first and foremost, it would be far more fun to have sex with two lovely Nubian knockouts than one, and secondly…they both work for MSNBC.

Oh how I long for them to be naked together at the news desk with me in studio as their lead story. Between the playful cuteness of Alison and the smoldering hotness of Tamron, I’d be spewing love juice quicker and longer than the news ticker at the bottom of the screen.

Call me Matt-Bisco ‘cause I’m going to be the cream filling in the Oreo of love with those two.

Heidi Zadeh: Many of you may not know Mizz Zadeh. She is an Iranian born model who lives in Denmark. Being Iranian, she could be either Arab or Persian…Muslim or Zoroastrian…Crazy or Sane!!

Plus, now she’s a Dane. A Scandinavian!! She could be a Lutheran. Sweet Baby Jeebus!! Spreading her legs apart would result in opening a Pandora’s Box of ethnicities, creeds, and desires.

Oh how I’d love to meet Heidi in wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen, swim in her body and explore every fjord of her flesh.

Jeanette Littledove: Mmmmmm. Jeanette…The prototypical porn star, now retired. She claimed to be a full-blooded Cherokee Indian. Whether that is true or not, I don’t care. Either way, she has a set of heap big wampums, and I dream of running my pole beans up her wigwam.

Spending a naked night with her would result in me crying a trail of tears…of ecstasy. How, Baby, How.

Betty Nguyen: This vixen of Vietnamese descent rocks my world every Saturday morning on CNN. She sits at the anchor desk and one knee is always showing. She lights my temperature up with Yellow Fever.

America is a better place with you here…And America would be even better if you were naked…with me. Habba Habba, Me Love You Long Time Betty.

Shirley Hemphill: Hey, Hey, Hey…I grew up yanking my wank to this bodacious babe of “What’s Happening” fame. What’s not to like?

I know she’s gone over the rainbow, but man…how I’d love to bounce atop this buoyant black beauty of bootyliciousness. Boo Yah, Bitches!! Best thing about Shirl?

When she was done humpin’ my stump…she could bring me a po’ boy sammich with a side of slaw. Want your tip Shirley? Matt-Man gots it right c’here.

So there you have it folks…some lesser know women of color that I’d like to cover with my white body.

Tomorrow? White Blogging Babes That I’d Love To Bang.

Yeah right…If I listed those of you who I’d like to have sex with, the result would be…

I’d be slapped by some; cursed by others; and mocked by all.

So, I’ll figure something out as to how to wrap up Bagwine Racial Equality Week. Enjoy your Thursday.

Cheers!!

Bagwine Racial Equality Week: Uptightie Whities

Yesterday I talked about a handful of Black people that I hate, and today...?

Bagwine Racial Equality Week (BREW) continues today as I offer you a small sampling of…

White People I Hate…

Joyce Meyer: Apparently being a “vessel of GAWD” and walking with the Holy Baby Jeebus means stealing from grandmothers, wearing designer clothes to cover one’s fat ass, and owning a jet and multiple homes.

I have no civil or artistic way to say it, so I’ll just say it. Whenever she speaks, I see shit coming from her mouth, and I am not speaking figuratively. In place of her mouth, I actually envision a Play-Doh factory oozing brown, black, and green shit. Sometimes, there is corn in it.

I hate televangelist crooks in general, from Benny Hinn to Rod Parsley, but Joyce Meyer, makes my dick go limp and unlike Hinn and Parsley, she has no comedic upside.

Bill O’Reilly: Wow, and some folks think that I have a huge ego!! Picture my ego as a No. 2 pencil and Blowhard Bill’s as the Washington Monument and you have an accurate comparison. He loves himself more everyday than I love myself when I am watching porn clips.

Screw the power of judgment of The Almighty; Knuckle-Fuck Bill will let you know if you should remain a person who is worthy of living. I do watch his show however, because at least twice a week he shows soft-core porn clips and passes it off as a report on how our society is going down the tubes.

Carrot Top: Does this really need an explanation? I didn’t think so.

Thomas Jefferson: Sure, he was a scientist, a President, and helped to write the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. He also hosed some black chick and got her pregnant. Do I find that unsettling? Hell No…

What I do find unsettling is that Jefferson covered it up instead of bragging about it. I would have worn that fact like a Badge of Honor. He, like me, may have been some type of Renaissance Man, but unlike me, he was nothing more than a pantaloon-wearin’, pasty white pussy.

Ann Coulter: Seriously…Was her mother hooked on thalidomide when she gave birth to her? Holy Cow, Anthrax Coulter is one seriously fucked up white girl.

I don’t mind a little fun hate and satire coming from a person’s mouth, but if the Prince of Peace ever makes his second coming, this lobotomized bitch will smack him upside the head for being a Jew.

The worse thing is that she and some other misguided folks think that she is hot. Maybe she is…If you’re a person who is into a chick with stringy hair, a Granny Smith-sized Adam’s Apple, and who shakes like a Chihuahua shitting razor blades.

As for me? I’m not into women like that, and, I prefer to spend time with ladies who actually have a soul.

Oh sure, I could go on about other white people I hate, but as the vast majority of my readers are Caucasian, I understand that their attention span is limited, so I shall end it here.

Tomorrow, BREW will continue and instead of being filled with hate as I have been for the past couple of days, I shall promote loooooove.

On Wednesday, our racial equality series will continue with, Non-Caucasian Muffins That I’d Love To Butter.

Until then…

Cheers!!

Bagwine Racial Equality Week: African-Americans

Unknown to you, I have deemed this Racial Equality Week here at Bagwine Ruminations.

I try to treat all groups of people equally be they white, black, injun, or, whatever kind of funny eyes, name, and skin color some folks may have.

So to wit, and heretofore, let’s get right to our first installment of Bagwine Racial Equality Week (BREW) by honoring some well-known African-Americans with the following entry titled…

Black People I Hate

Whoopi Goldberg: Oh Dear God!! She irritates me to no end. Whenever I see her on TV I want to poke my eyes out with hot fried chicken legs and shove a ripe watermelon up ass. Trust me, it would feel better than listening to her when she is in her socio-political, professorial mode.

Listen people, she’s an actress not some expert cultural guru. Just because she talks slowly and directly, looks at people over the top of her glasses, and has dreadlocks, does not a genius make her. I loathe her.

Rev. Al Sharpton: I have said much about him over the years on BR. He’s nothing more than a pimp and a race baiting snake oil salesman. He as much a man of God as Condaleeza Rice is an example of fine dental work.

Chris Rock: He and I share the common bond of being born on February 7th a mere year apart, but I hate him nonetheless. Why? He’s funnier than I am…I hate that.

Jackie Robinson: Big Time Baseball player Jackie felt that the Negro League wasn’t good enough for him. Nooooo. He just had to get all uppity and become the first black guy to play White Major League Baseball. Thanks alot for upsetting the white apple cart and stocking it with black-eyed peas and collard greens, pal.


Cliff and Claire Huxtable: Yeah I know, they’re just TV show characters but I not only hate them, I find them dangerous. Sure, it’s find to suspend one’s belief when watching TV, but c’mon…A married black couple who are a lawyer and a doctor?…None of their kids are on crack, pregnant, or in prison? Ha. I don’t fucking think so.

The Huxtables give unrealistic expectations to black people everywhere. It’s like a white kid growing up in Bagwine, Ohio thinking he can become a meth dealer, marry and raise a family with some chick who is a cocaine dealer. Good fortune just doesn’t fall like that, my precocious ones.

And there my friends, are but a few of the Black People I Hate. If you were expecting to see Michael Jackson on the list, don’t worry…

I may be talking about him tomorrow when I continue BREW with my, “White People I Hate” post.

Until then…Don’t confine your hate to only one race folks…spread it around to all. To confine it to say, black people, would be so damn niggardly of you.

Cheers!!