It’s going to be a warm Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but call up Noah and place a reservation on his ark, we are under a flood watch from midnight tonight through tomorrow.
Of course, as our apartment is some 12-15 feet above ground level, I think we’ll be just dandy.
I am in a rush so this post shall be made in haste…
Ryno and his HS basketball mates lost in the opening round of the State HS Tourney so their season is over. They finished 9-12. Eh, their small school stepped up in the level of competition they played this year, so all in all not a terrible showing.
Better luck next year to Ryno and the returning players.
Lately I have been singing the praises of Libyan Strongman and my friend Muammar Gaddafi.
I have stood by his side while he has been vilified and even been called whacked out and crazy.
Well…it’s time for me to throw him under the bus because, he is mentally unstable. How do I know, you ask?
I received this e-mail from him last night:
Yo Matt-Man…
How‘s my fave infidel? I had milk and honey earlier. My pet goat escaped and ate my drapes. The wailing in the streets sound like Ethel Merman singing and I have gas from the camel balls I had for din-din. Lipo-Flavonoids are overrated. Bing-do-fulluh-scarpum tada!!
Yours in Christ,
M-Gad
Yep, call me crazy, but I think it’s time for me to re-evaluate my friendship with M-Gad.
Amen, and Amen…
One last thing before I hit that old dusty yet soon to be wet trail…
Today marks the Birthday of my favorite Netherlander…er…Hollander, um Dutcher? Whatever the fuck those dike pluggin’ bastards are calling themselves these days.
Anyhoo…I want to wish a Happy Birthday to the sexiest thigh high wooden boot-wearing Dutchie in the world, the uber-hot…
Dutch Bitch!!
Mmmmm. Man she’s hot even standing in the bathroom fully clothed. Happy Birthday DB. I’m drinking more than a few in your honor today!!
Cheers!!
It’s Hump Day Hodgepodge Day so let’s see what’s happenin’…
My buddy Muammar Gaddafi is getting crap from his ungrateful citizens in Libya, so…
I am going to take him with me eastward so we can slap some ungrateful bitches upside the head who are trying to depose the King in Bahrain.
Fuck these uppity Libyans and Bahranians…They need a smack down. And M-Gad and I are just the ones to give it to them.
In addition to doing I’m With Stupid on Thursday, I am meeting up with a chick with whom I went to High School. While I’m not a huge fan of “glory days”….
She’s a cutie; I like her, and she took the time to look me up, so I dig her and am having sex meeting up with her.
My BFF/OSP Schmoop for the first time ever, exhibited typical PMS traits last night. It freaked me out. She has never done that before. I still find her incredibly cute, because…
She noticed it too, and apologized. Who am I kidding?
While she did apologize, Schmoop could have not apologized and I would still find her cute. Anyhoo…
I’m getting tired with Twitter…The funny parts of it do not make up for the “look at me” and the self-induced drama that occur.
I’ll watch people tweet, comment once in awhile, but oy…I’ll take it for what it’s worth.
This week, Dim Bulb Charlie attacked the public employees in Wisconsin, and said that taking away their rights to have a union was much needed.
I love the Charlie, and his readers, especially a chick named Sandee who was a public sector employee until she retired who said this:
The dems (sic) want everything equal then why aren't these folks paying the same freight as the average American? Greed. Plain and simple. They need to put on their big girl panties and be thankful they have a job.
After I pointed out her public service pension, she said this:
I'm not going to feel guilty about cashing my check each month either. Never have and never will.
Oh and thanks to my retirement check I can travel across this county and go on a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean. Life is grand. :)
Seriously…Is it just me; or am I stupid, and missing something? I used to work for the State of Ohio.
You know why I quit? Because I didn’t do a damn thing, and wanted out, and yet, Charlie and his ilk give me shit. Un-fucking-believable. With that being said…
Most public workers as it should be noted, are hard working just like you, looking down the nose private sector workers, so suck it.
Anyhoo, once again…I say unto you…
Have a wonderful Hump Day and as always…
Cheers!!
What’s up with the title of this post, you ask? Well, let me tell you.
I know it’s President’s Day, but c’mon; Gaddafi is like a President, and…He needs my help.
In Libya, as we speak, turmoil is raging and thousands of Libyans are being beaten and gunned down for their overzealous and misplaced ingratitude toward my friend, Muammar Gaddafi, or as I call him…
M-Gad Bling.
M-Gad and I go way back. We’ve been posse pals since 1992 when I went to Tripoli for an experimental medical treatment which cured me of my uber-rare case of syphilis which oddly enough was confined to my right palm and left big toe.
He visited me in the hospital, brought me flowers, and he and I have shared a glorious fidel/infidel relationship ever since.
We share weekly phone calls. Exchange Christmas and Ramadan presents, and spend August evenings on the Barbary coast drinking up the Mediterranean breezes.
Gaddafi and I go together like saffron and rice…cheap wine and feta…indeed, we go together like Silvio Berlusconi and 17 year old Moroccan babes at a bunga bunga party.
So, if the State Department allows it, I will fly to Tripoli tonight to be with Gaddafi in order to offer him a pre-rioter smack down pep talk, a bit of levity, and in a way...Simply provide M-Gad with some much needed non Muslim Brotherhood.
I know he’d like that, and the best thing about my trip?
Don’t believe for a minute Gaddafi doesn’t drink alcohol. He’s a big fan of Orange Juice and Ouzo.
So, I with my Wild Irish Rose and he with his Greek Screwdrivers, will get our collective freak on and have our own bunga bunga party with his hot bodyguard babes.
My friend M-Gad has been in power for over forty years, and here’s to forty more. The man is grossly misunderstood and deserves better from the selfish and unappreciative rioting Libyan thugs.
However, as it is President’s Day here in the States, I offer this commercial for Deng Zhou Fillmore’s Air Force Yum restaurant.
Air Force Yum is a restaurant which features menu items inspired by American Presidents. If you can, take 3 1/2 minutes out of your busy day and give it a listen…
(if the button fails to work, click where it says, twaud.io)
Have a wonderful day, and if I make it to Tripoli, I’ll send postcards.
Cheers!!
I am so excited.
Muammar Qaddafi the lovable, Libyan dictator and man with more spellings of his name than Mao Tse Tung, will soon be bringing his new found international love to the United States when he comes to address the United Nations General Assembly.
This will be the first time ever that Gaddafi has set his sandy, Carthaginian feet upon U.S. soil. For me, this is my moment of frenzy that those in the 60’s experienced when The Beatles came to America.
Unfortunately, it seems that the residents of Englewood, N.J. do not share my frenetic fascination with the leader of Libya.
Mayor Michael Wildes, Congressman Steve Rothman, and Sen. Frank Lautenberg do not want Gadhafi to hang out in Englewood, N.J. And why would he?
Well my friends, the Libyan government owns an estate in Englewood located on Palisades Avenue and has owned it for over 25 years. There’s talk that Muammar wants to pitch a tent there and do some entertaining while he’s in the states.
What’s the big deal? What else is going on in New Jersey? What, Atlantic City gambling? Pfffft…I could get the same Atlantic City experience right here in Bagwine, Ohio today.
I could walk down to the Valero gas station, buy a Mega Millions Lottery ticket, drink the backwash from a 40 ounce bottle of King Cobra that someone threw out, and then piss down my pants on the way home.
Come on Englewood, N.J., let Khadafi liven the place up. Let him pitch his tent, play some music, and serve couscous and bazeen to his guests. To not allow him to party on his own property is incredibly un-American.
Sure, I know, there’s the whole release of Pan-Am Flight 103 bomber, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi thing going on, but who’s fault is that?
It isn’t the fault of Qaddafi. The Scots are the ones who set him free, stick it those haggis eating tightwads.
You can give the Scots and their release of al-Megrahi the collective finger by not allowing The Bay City Rollers to perform in New Jersey should they ever do a reunion tour. Hell, the other 49 states would gladly join you.
But, my Garden State friends, lay off Muammar, and let him enjoy his property. I for one would love to attend one of his tent parties.
He’s a snappy dresser. He knows how to party, and most importantly…
He surrounds himself with a security detail comprised of 30 hot, virginal, female bodyguards. Allah Akbar, Bitches!!
I would love to hang out for the evening and try to convert each and every one of his Quran reading hotties to the religion of Mattholicism.
Hell, if I’m sexually successful with his bodyguards, I could go on a world tour and start breeding the entire Muslim faith out of existence.
My tour motto would be a take off on the line delivered by King Edward I, aka Longshanks, in the movie Braveheart…
The problem with the Muslim world is that it is full of Muslims…If we can’t drive them out, we’ll breeeed them out.
Damn right. Me putting Longshanks plan into action, is not only a way to produce non-Muslim children, it’s one more big ol’ flip of the middle finger to the Scots.
Cheers!!
I have stood by his side while he has been vilified and even been called whacked out and crazy.
Mmmmm. Man she’s hot even standing in the bathroom fully clothed. Happy Birthday DB. I’m drinking more than a few in your honor today!!
