Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Life Giving Fun Bags

It's going to be partly cloudy and 70 on this Mother's Day Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio, so my 11-7 shift at the Beer Mine should be quite enjoyable.

I'll be celebrating all things maternal as the hot babes come through the Drive-Thru in low cut shirts and I eye their ample cleavage and breastesses...

Is that wrong of me?

Of course not, it is an act of kindness and respect for them and their glorious, nourishing, life giving fun bags. 

Amen and Amen.

So with that I bid you adieu until this evening, and leave you with this...

Happy Mutha's Day

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Rebirth!!

Happy Easter Bitches!!

As today Christ has been resurrected so have I been so…er…as well…um…too? Whatever, you know what I mean, I think.

Anyhoo…

I am dedicating myself to no longer providing free services.

I was trying to figure up how much money I have missed out on over the years by doing shit for people…people who aren’t even really close friends, free of charge.

I’m talking about everything from writing stuff, landscaping, to a myriad of calls seeking advice, just to name a few.

No more free shit from the Matt-Man, well…except for sex, that’s always free in fact, if you’re a really hot chick, I’ll pay but other than that…

No more freebies…unless you’re a really close friend of which I have two…no, one….no, two…maybe three.

So let it be written; so let it be done.

And there you have my Easter message of hope and inspiration.

Amen, and Amen.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Titzapoppin'!!

A beautfully sunny Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio with temps soaring into the low 80's today.

I am working the Beer Mine from 11-7 today and you may think...What a shame that Matt-Man has to work on such a nice day.

No worries.  As the temps go up in Bagwine the cleavage of our customers comes out.

I may see sights like this...

And this...

And even this...

As I hard as I will try not to ogle our patrons, it will be hard not to, afterall...

 

Praise Jeebus!!  Amen, and Amen.

Cheers!!

Beer Mines and Baseball

It’s going to be partly/mostly cloudy, windy, yet warmish on this Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio.

I will be spending 11-7 working the wind tunnel of grain based beverages that is The Beer Mine.

That’s right folks…

I am back at the Beer Mine Sundays through Wednesday now. I am sure because of that, there is much joy in the Greater Bagwine Beer Drinking Community.

And just remember, if you come through the Mine…

Know what you want. Know your role…and drive away.

Jayman and I did a somewhat extemporaneous installment of I’m With Stupid yesterday on Blog Talk Radio.

We talked baseball and it was pretty fun. I have no idea who was in the chat room really, because BTR wouldn’t let both Jay and I in there at the same time.

And in order to piss Jay off, BTR at some point decided not to let Jay view the switchboard. Additionally…

We had a report from our new IWS Sports Director, Slyder Balzcock, unfortunately BTR somehow manage to turn his report into some incoherent gobbledy gook.

Oh how we love BTR. Oddly though, if you listen to the show in archives you’ll find that Slyder’s mangled report is kinda funny, and…

A lovely young woman called in and Jay and I offered her advice on how to get on the Jumbo-Tron as she was going to Cincinnati Reds game last night.

We are such givers.

If you want to listen, and you should…You can do so by utilizing this hand dandy BTR listening device, which of course, may or may not work:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Have a wonderful Sunday folks, and if you’re in the Greater Bagwine area, stop by the Beer Mine and say, “Hi.”

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Old Friends...Getting Older

It is going to be a mostly cloudy but not so bad Sabbath and first day of Spring in Bagwine, Ohio today.

Schmoop and I are once again speaking but we have yet to have sex. In fact, I don’t think we ever will again…

At least with each other…

So on that note, I am announcing that Schmoop and I are taking applications for free wheelin’, no strings attached sex partners.. Direct your inquiries, along with your pictures to me at neshobadude@yahoo.com.

We actually did have a most wonderful time at a 50th birthday party for an old friend of mine yesterday.

Birthday Boy Ken and his lovely wife Nat were wonderful and Ken’s mom was a riot. She thoroughly enjoyed cracking wise at my expense. As I consider myself a walking, talking public service, I like that.

Many from the “old ’hood” were there, including a couple who are both in their nineties, and the Mrs. of the couple made me laugh.

When Ken’s mom asked Mrs. W if she remembered who I was, Mrs. W responded:

“I don’t which one he is, but I know he’s one of those Mahoney boys.”

The mixture of both amusement and disdain in her nearly century old voice when she uttered that, was priceless.

Anyhoo…It was nice to tip a few with old friends and cut up with some people I really didn’t know.

Nat and Ken’s mom, threw a very nice soiree, and I thank them for that.

In case you missed it and have nothing to do on this first day of Spring, give our latest installment of I’m With Stupid a listen by utilizing this handy dandy BTR machine:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Have a great Sunday…

I’m going to spend mine trying to find an attractive homeless woman who would be happy to have sex with me for a 40 of King Cobra and a half a pack of Marlboros.

Amen, and Amen...

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Basketball and Corned Beef

It’s going to be a cool and cloudy Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio and there is madness in the March air.

It’s a big week ahead…

This evening across America, college hoops players and fans everywhere will be jumping for joy, crying in their beer, and many crying foul.

The 2011 NCAA Men’s College Basketball Tournament brackets will be announced around 7 tonight.

Later tonight, I like so many other folks, will begin filling out my bracket so come Thursday evening I can watch my prognostications slowly lose hope and then crash and burn like Stewart Payne.

But, my crappiness in picking winners will be tempered by the fact that Thursday is also St. Patrick’s Day.

Come Thursday night I won’t care about my picks because I’ll be passed out on the couch with an empty bottle of Wild Irish Rose in my hand, my tongue green from beer, and corned beef and cabbage stains on my shirt.

Erin Go Braugh, Bitches!!

Amen, and Amen…

That’s all I have for today so enjoy your Sunday. I’ll be watching the bracket announcements with Ryno this evening and then I’ll head home and catch up with some of you later tonight.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: With This Ring, I Thee Get Tied Up

A cold and gray Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but there is a warm ray of sunshine emanating within and throughout the family of my BFF/OSP, Schmoop.

There’s a gonna be a weddin’!!

That’s right folks, Schmoop’s 36 year old twice married niece is about to become her 36 year old THRICE married niece.

I’m not a numbers guy but I think that’s a marriage every twelve years.

If she keeps this pace up, by the time she’s 72, she’ll be working on marriage number six!! Not quite Liz Taylor nuptial notoriety, but impressive nonetheless.

This marriage is going to be both super and supernatural, ’cause dig it…

The guy Schmoop’s niece betrothing herself to or whatever is a minister. Hell, he could perform the ceremony himself.

But wait a minute sports fans, it gets better.

Not only is this guy a minister, would you like to know what his name is?

RICK JAMES!! And he’s white!! I’ve always thought of myself as the white Rick James, but this guy really is!!

That’s right kids…Pastor Rick James is getting hitched to Schmoop’s niece, who will soon be better and legally known as Mrs. Super Freak.

Holy Cow, can you imagine the ceremony…

When the officiating minister comes to the part where he asks if anyone has any objections, people will be afraid to say yes.

When the minister asks Pastor Rick, “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Pastor Rick is going to reply:

“Hell Yeah I do; I’m Rick James, Bitch!!”

As for Schmoop’s niece, when she says she will “love, honor, obey” she better realize that with Rick James, those words take on a completely atypical and painful meaning.
And oh how I’d like to be a fly on the wall of their honeymoon suite…

I can see her lying bed as a coked up Rick James stands over her. Bible in one hand and a bull whip in the other, screaming:

“The power of Christ compels you to bark like a dog and suck my dick, Bitch!!”

Oh hell yeah…I bet Charlie Sheen gots nothing on the one and only Pastor Rick James.

Amen, and Amen…

I’m going to be here, there and everywhere today so enjoy your Sunday folks, and as always…

Cheers Bitches!!

Sunday Morning Church Service: Bus Throwing Under and Birthdays!!

It’s going to be a warm Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but call up Noah and place a reservation on his ark, we are under a flood watch from midnight tonight through tomorrow.

Of course, as our apartment is some 12-15 feet above ground level, I think we’ll be just dandy.

I am in a rush so this post shall be made in haste…

Ryno and his HS basketball mates lost in the opening round of the State HS Tourney so their season is over. They finished 9-12.

Eh, their small school stepped up in the level of competition they played this year, so all in all not a terrible showing.

Better luck next year to Ryno and the returning players.

Lately I have been singing the praises of Libyan Strongman and my friend Muammar Gaddafi.

I have stood by his side while he has been vilified and even been called whacked out and crazy.

Well…it’s time for me to throw him under the bus because, he is mentally unstable. How do I know, you ask?

I received this e-mail from him last night:

Yo Matt-Man…

How‘s my fave infidel? I had milk and honey earlier. My pet goat escaped and ate my drapes. The wailing in the streets sound like Ethel Merman singing and I have gas from the camel balls I had for din-din.

Lipo-Flavonoids are overrated. Bing-do-fulluh-scarpum tada!!

Yours in Christ,
M-Gad

Yep, call me crazy, but I think it’s time for me to re-evaluate my friendship with M-Gad.

Amen, and Amen…

One last thing before I hit that old dusty yet soon to be wet trail…

Today marks the Birthday of my favorite Netherlander…er…Hollander, um Dutcher? Whatever the fuck those dike pluggin’ bastards are calling themselves these days.

Anyhoo…I want to wish a Happy Birthday to the sexiest thigh high wooden boot-wearing Dutchie in the world, the uber-hot…

Dutch Bitch!!

Mmmmm. Man she’s hot even standing in the bathroom fully clothed. Happy Birthday DB. I’m drinking more than a few in your honor today!!

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Irina Shayk, Amen!!

I haven't time to write anything today. Through the courtesy of Schmoop's brother, this showed up at the apartment yesterday...


Today, I shall be "busy".

Amen, and Amen...

Cheers!!

Valentine's Day: What Would Matt Man Do?

One day left 'til Valentine's Day, Bitches. Better get your freak on if you want to impress the one you love.

I, of course am boycotting the even but I am feeling the love of the Sabbath and shall help you out, by asking WWMMD. What Would Matt-Man Do?

It is hard however...what does a guy get his love?

Candy? Borrrrring, and it will go straight to your lover's hips.

Flowers? Roses die and are overpriced.

How about a Vermont Teddy Bear?

Puhleeeeeze. I see commericals for these stupid things every February.

It's a stuffed animal for God's sake. Unless, you're some pervert who is in love with an 8 year old girl, I think not.

In fact, the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. should rename themselves, Pedophiles Direct!!

I know that Schmoop likes perfume...She really likes White Diamonds...

It does smell pretty good on her, but why stop at a good smelling neck and face? I could also get her a big can of Fem Fresh!! She'd smell great where it really counts...

I may as well go all the way...If her neck, wrists, and hoo-ha are a combination of wondrous scents, why not get her something I used to use at the Beer Mine...

Damn Straight!! I'll throw in a can of Ass Cleaner for her...um...can. As you can see, the best thing about this Ass Cleaner...It's Streakless!!

That is a bit much and she might gather from that troika of gifts that I think she stinks.

Perhaps I could get her something that I have always wanted to buy.

The Inflatable Bondage Chair...

Nothing says love like Air-Cushioned simulated rape and abuse. But alas, her and I would bust a hole in that thing in no time flat.

I wouldn't mind trying to get something "cute" for her this year, but not a Vermont Teddy Bear.

In spite of her 125 pound frame she does like to eat...but not candy so much.

Hmmmmmm? I need to find something cute that she could eat. How about this?

It is an adorable lookin' baloney...thingy...loaf with a smiley face. I think while cute, it might freak her out. It is after all, kinda clown lookin'.

I think I'll know what I'll do.

I'll use a gift certificate that I received for my birthday and get us something both her and I can sink our teeth into with Valentine's Day glee.

A special Heart-Shaped Pizza from one of Bagwine, Ohio's favorite pizza places, Cassano's.

Yeah that's the ticket; she'll love it...With this idea, I can not only have my pie, I'll get to eat it too.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: It's Party Time in America!!

This Sabbath, as we all know, marks a day of parties and celebrations that millions of Americans look forward to every year.

That’s right…

Put the sauce to your chicken wings. Fire up the chili. Ice down the beer. Flip on the 46 inch flat screen and settle in with your friends.

It’s Ronald Reagan’s Birthday, and tonight I’ll be honoring his memory during Gipperfest MMXI by getting so drunk that I don't remember anything.

It’s going to be a raucous time, of that you can be certain.

I’ll be drinking beer and noshing on Hot Right Wings…Hinckleys in a Blanket, and my favorite Gipperfest snack…Jelly Beans!!

Boy Howdy, it should be huge, and I hope your Reagan Birthday bash is equally as fun.

I guess there’s a football game on today as well.

The Packers and the Steelers will be squaring off in Super Bowl 45. (Take that, you boorish roman numeral users!! Roman numerals should only be used during Gipperfest!!)

My prediction?

Baron Rodgersberger will lead the Green Bay Steelers over the Pittsburgh Packers by sinking a three pointer at the buzzer to win 34-27.

Amen, and Amen.

And now…Things Overheard in the Bagwine Digs on a Saturday Night.

Schmoop: Cum on face baby, Cum on my face!!

Me: Oh yeah, mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Schmoop: Holy Shit you got it in my nose…Ewwwwww, it’s in my ear too.

Me: Hee Hee…want a towel?

Good times, good times.

Have a safe and fun-filled Super Bowl Sunday, and as always…

Cheers!!

Egypt Protests: Hosni Is Getting Mubaraked!!

It’s going to be another gray (of course) Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but not as gray as things are in Egypt.

Holy Cow…

All across Egypt, people with last names like Massri, Sawlaha, and Rahotep are storming bazaars, raping goats, and kicking ancient sand into the face of Hosni Mubarak.

The protests taking place in the cradle of slavery, incest, and fines for overdue library books, are growing more violent by the hour.

Poor Egypt…

Now the pundits and talking heads vacillating in the realm of the 24/7 cable news cycle will tell you that the protests are taking place for several reasons, and…they are wrong.

They will mention inflation, unemployment, and the iron hand of President Mubarak as the causes of the acting out of hate and despair.

Listen folks…

I happen to live down the hall from an Egyptian-American by the name of Ptolemy Jones and he has imparted the actual reasons for Egypt’s current internal strife.

Here are the actual reasons for the revolutionary actions plaguing the country…

Just recently, Egyptian State TV began airing Jersey Shore: Season One. I mean, if that’s not cruel, I don’t know what is!!

Many Egyptians are demanding that the name Tutankhamen come back into vogue for all first born males.

Residents of Cairo are screaming: "I've got a mule and her name is Sal, and I want my 15 miles of the Suez Canal."

The populous is upset that the government doesn’t have enough national pride to fix the nose on The Sphinx.

After the crazy bastards in Tunis chased their leader out of their country, Egyptians everywhere yelled,

“There’s no way in hell, we’re gonna be outdone by those damn, dirty Tunisians!! We’re Egypt Dammitt!!"

Only now, years after his passing, Egyptians have just found out that Yul Brynner has died and is not coming back.

After 30 years of ruling with a feigned caring of the Egyptian people, citizens of Egypt discovered that Mubarak had been running nothing more than an evil, self-serving Pyramid Scheme.

As you can understand…

Those are all good reasons to overthrow a government, but I asked my buddy Ptolemy Jones,

“Isn’t there something more? What is the overriding theme that coalesces the protestors into a force to be reckoned with?”

His reply was simple…

“Couscous fatigue.”

When Ptolemy told me that…the violence all made sense.

Amen, and Amen…

Have a wonderful Sunday folks. Until tomorrow…

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Packers, Bears, Jets, Steelers...and Lions, Oh My!!

Another sunny, but cold Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but the cold is no big deal because many Americans will be huddled around their TVs.

The NFC and AFC Football Championships will be taking place today.

In the first game, the Aaron Rodgers led Cheeseheads from Green Bay will invade Chicago’s Soldier Field and tangle with the Monsters of the Midway led by Jay Cutler.

In the late game, Jimmy Hoffa and the New Jersey Jets will plow westward in order to do battle with the Pittsburgh Steelers led by Troy Polamalu’s hair and Big Ben Roethlisberger’s dork.

It should be a fun-filled day full of drinking, trash talking, and hard hitting action, and that is just from the domestic violence that will be taking place across the country.

The games themselves should be just as exciting.

I have no idea why, but I am picking the Jets and the Packers to prevail today. I just feel that they are playing their best football of the season at the right time.

I’ll be taking in the first game on the road with others, and watch the second game within the friendly confines of the Bagwine digs. Should be a wonderful day.

In other sports news…

My son Ryno (Number 22) and the ECA Lions took on the Ohio Division IV seventh ranked Irish of Springfield Catholic Central. There were pre-game rumors of a blowout in the makings by the Irish.

It was anything but…

After trailing by 13 at the end of the third quarter, the Lions roared back and with 29.4 seconds left, Ryno drained his third three pointer of the night to bring them within 4.

Alas, time was on the side of the Irish and they held on for a 59-58 victory over the Lions. And with that I give you the box score:

EMMANUEL CHRISTIAN (58) — R. Mahoney 3 0-0 9, J. Klawer 2 0-1 5, K. Stewart 2 4-4 9, J. Reep 3 1-2 9, A. Stumpf 2 0-0 4, M. Scott 7 6-10 22. Totals: 19 11-17 58.

CATHOLIC CENTRAL (59) — J. Aldridge 6 2-3 14, H. Hagerman 4 2-2 12, C. Timmons 2 0-0 4, C. Latham 6 1-4 13, R. Rankin 1 0-1 2, A. Chase 2 0-0 4, M. Ellis 4 2-6 10. Totals: 25 7-16 59.

3-pointers: Emmanuel 8 (R. Mahoney 3, J. Klawer 1, J. Reep 2, M. Scott 2). Central 2 (J. Aldridge 2).

In spite of the loss, it was a somewhat sloppy but exciting game, and it was exciting to watch the R-Man go 3-5 from 3 point land. Here’s to the Lions who held their own against one of the best Division IV HS Basketball teams in the state.

Amen, and Amen…

Enjoy the games and the lilting wailing of police sirens as they respond to the domestic violence calls.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Ghetto Winterization

It’s going to be a cold, but sunny Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today, and I dig it.

I wouldn’t mind if was 50 Below Zero today, because it is such a joy to see the sun for the first in what seems like weeks.

The continual skies of gray and gloom have put me in a funk and zapped me of all strength.

Not just any funk either, it was an uber-funk.

For example…

Last night I was so drained of mirth and merriment that upon returning home from Ryno’s basketball game, I only had four beers…rejected Schmoop’s advances and offers of hot sex, and fell asleep on the couch while watching The Rob Dennis Show.

That’s huge folks because I never miss The Rob Dennis Show. It is THE worst cable access show in the history of local TV. I never miss it because it is sooooo bad it’s hilarious. But, my funk put me into a coma.

Alas, today, the sun is out, and much like Ultra Man I will fly towards it and recharge my batteries. Praise Jeebus!!

I mentioned earlier that it is cold. The windows in the Bagwine digs are paper thin so this year we employed a simple but effective winterization technique.

We put plastic over the main window in the living room. We can really tell the difference, but there had to be some alterations to our first application.

You see…our adorable but less than bright cat Corky, could not and continues to not recognize that there is plastic over the window, and you can see the results of such…

That’s right. That’s duct tape on the plastic. It is there to cover the holes that Corky created by trying to jump through it in order to sit in the window sill.

Oh well…ghetto winterization is better than freezing, and later today Corky is gonna find that out when I make her sit outside in the cold for twenty minutes as I mock her mercilessly.

Amen, and Amen…

I will be more sparse than usual through Tuesday as I actually have things I must get done. One of those things being tomorrow morning’s Annual MLK, JR. Day breakfast with just myself and Ryno.

It’s always a good time full of laughs, mocking of others, and bacon…Lots and lots of bacon.

Have a wonderful day all…

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: A Return To Normalcy

It’s going to be an incredibly sunny Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio and Praise Jeebus…the holidays are over.

While I thoroughly enjoyed fun times with my family, friends, Ryno and Schmoop over the past week or two, my body needs some rest.

My liver has been overworked and my lack of sleep has left me looking like a male version of Amy Winehouse….okay so I guess that means I look like Keith Richards

Anyhoo…

I love the frivolity and spontaneity of the season, but believe it or not, I do enjoy some semblance of normalcy and routine.

And, I am happy for this return to normalcy, and a fresh start.

I have but two resolutions for 2011.

I thought finding a job would be a good idea, so that’s number one.

And number two?

I resolve never to once again use a reference or image of Amy Winehouse on my site ever again…

Starting tomorrow.

To all of you whom I have missed over the last couple of days, I bid you a Happy New Year.

Amen, and Amen…

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: The Mike Man Cometh

It’s going to be a chilly Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today, but there is a smoldering ember of joy and excitement, um…smoldering…in my heart.

In less than 24 hours there will be a new and vibrant website gracing the tubes of the internets.

Ladies and gentlmen sometime tomorrow, before noon at the latest, my friend and owner of the storied Beer Mine, Drive-By Mike, will have his own website.

You know him on here as a jokester, yakker, and all-around wacky guy, but tomorrow you are going to see him as never before.

I’ll have a link up tomorrow here on BR, so make sure you visit him and say, “Hi!!”

Tomorrow...It's a Celebration!!

For now…that is all…there is much work to be done.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Up and Down

It’s going to be a warm and windy Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio today making my stint at the Beer Mine from 11-7 relatively comfortable.

Let me tell ya; that will be more than welcome as yesterday at the Mine was full of many ups and downs.

Early in the day Drive-By Mikey called me and we discussed the abysmal state of beer sales in Bagwine.

I think that due to the economy, people have turned to cooking their own meth instead of drinking. I am going to try to confirm my hypothesis by checking to see if sales of Sterno and Sudafed are on the rise.

After our depressing conversation, I looked out to the lot and there in their van sat Ryno and his mom. My mood improved.

Ryno’s mom and I held our weekly exchange. I gave her 130 dollars and she gave me a Double Cheeseburger and a cup of coffee. As that trade-off demonstrates, I am one helluva wily negotiator.

Eh, my mood improved as Ryno described how well he played during his basketball scrimmage that they had just come from.

And then…Ryno pulled out his Interim Report Card. My heart sank briefly as I envisioned his usual cadre of C’s, D’s, and F’s, and then I opened it up.

Praise Jeebus!! He had 4 A’s, a B, and 2 C’s. Hopefully, he has broken his habitual academic laziness for good. My mood was pretty good upon seeing the grades.

And then my mind wandered back to the state of my employment as I noticed the lack of business coming through the Mine.

Eh…Later in the day shortly after the sun had gone down, I was waiting on a guy and the car behind him freaked the shit right out of me.

I noticed a police officer in an unmarked car. Sitting…Idling…Staring. I thought to myself…

“Fuck. Did I sell to a minor?”

Panic set in, as in a matter of 2.3 seconds, I recalled every customer that had come through on Saturday.

He pulled up, rolled down his window, and in quite the official tone said, “Good Evening, Sir.”

I thought, “Oh Boy, here comes the other shoe.”

Turns out that he wasn’t there to arrest me for mistakenly selling a can of Steel Reserve to an eight year old with a beard which made me happy, however…

Instead he was there to alert me to the fact that several Drive-Thrus in Bagwine had recently been robbed at gunpoint. Weeeeeeee. Put a happy hat on me after that info!!

So much for the short lived joy of my non-arrest…I had another thing to worry about. And worry I did.

Instead of truly paying attention to what I was doing, I was watching the street while waiting on customers.

In fact I was so distracted, that last night’s drawer could very well be off hundreds of dollars. Not literally, but you get the point.

I was focused on the perimeter of the Mine not the money I was handling.

And then…

My rollercoaster of emotions got a bit of a lift about an hour before close. A regular came through and told me how his girlfriend had just told him that I was the best Drive-Thru guy on the planet.

That was nice. I smiled as I paced around the outside of the building keeping an eye out for neer-do-wells.

My nervousness was broken with a laugh as I waited on a hot, barely 18 year chick and her hot friend just before close.

The chick wanted cigarettes. I carded her and upon seeing she had turned 18 last month I sold them to her and then she asked…

“Hey, you wouldn’t mind selling me a 24 ounce Corona, would ya?” To which I responded…

“Sure dear.”

With happiness beaming from her face with the light of a thousand suns she said…

“Really!!?” And I chuckled and retorted…

“No.”

Ha!! As she drove off, she didn’t know whether to laugh at me or be pissed off at me. I like leaving that impression on people.

In a muck and mire of up and downs I drove home and walked into the digs at around 9:10 and was greeted with this:


(Check out the orb that showed up in the picture. We have spirits living in the digs.!!)

Yep. Christmas has come to Bagwine. In spite of her disdain for Christmas, Schmoop had decorated the apartment for Christmas because she knows I dig it.

After a few beers and a pint of Rose, I thanked Schmoop…Twice!!

Amen, and Amen…

Have a wonderful Sunday and I’ll see ya ‘round the internets after work and my Sunday night visit to Ryno.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: There's A Tight Ass Loose on Twitter

It’s going to be a cool, breezy Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today.

I will have to wear extra clothes for my 11-7 stint at the Beer Mine today which has one major implication…

If some chick comes through the Mine and wants to get hot with me in the beer cooler, it will take me much longer to strip down and get naked.

So be it. I will build that into my schedule.

Nothing much to report today although I can report that when I arrived home from work last night, I was met with some disturbing news courtesy of Schmoop.

After I came home, popped a beer and shed my pants, Schmoop said unto me…

“I’m back on Twitter. I’m twittering again. I even talked to Dana.”

My joyous response to that announcement..?

“Great. Now I have to cloak my burning, yearning, lust for all the hot babes when I tweet.”

We both chuckled, mainly because we both know that that won’t deter me from hitting on every chick I come across even with Schmoop back in the human stew that is Twitter.

Actually, I am glad she is back. Schmoop needs a hobby…a hobby which doesn’t interfere with her drinking.

Schmoop…plus Drinking…plus Twitter, equals Internets Magic!!

Schmoop did temper the shock of her renewed foray into Twitter by modeling her new uber-soft underwear for me…


Uh-huh…even after 44 years of use and abuse, that is still a nice looking ass. And for those of you with an attention to detail, be informed...

I used Bleu Cheese dressing last night when I tossed her salad.

Also sports fans, Jay and I put another award winning Blog Talk Radio installment of I’m With Stupid into the can on Friday night.

Our Blogger of the Week guest was the incredibly sexy Dianne of Forks Off The Moment, and she was a fantastic guest.

Although she tried to explain it, I still don’t understand the meaning of her blog title. Of course…

Instead of taking my two hour pre-show nap Friday evening I continued to drink so that may have a bearing on my lack of understanding.

Anyhoo, I thank Dianne for appearing and give a big ol’ shout out to all of the incredibly funny people who chimed in on the phone lines.

If you would like to listen to Friday’s show you can do so right c’here:

Amen and Amen…

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend y’all. I’m off to work and then to go see my Ryno.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: A Quickie!!

It’s going to be a glorious Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio as I tend to the duties of The Beer Mine from 11-7 today.

Sunny and 55...Not too bad for a November day, which will make my workday quite comfortable.

A funny customer of mine came through the Mine yesterday and wanted a Gatorade. I said to him…

“No Beer? What’s wrong? Ya Sick?”

He said to me:

“No, I need to behave for awhile; I have a hot date later. I hope her husband doesn’t find out.”

Ha!!

Anyhoo…

Not much to say today, but I certainly want to congratulate The Bagwine High School Wildcats for winning in the first round of the Ohio Division I football playoffs Saturday night.

The now 9-2 Wildcats roared to victory over 8-3 Hilliard Darby by a final score of 22-7. Way to go ‘Cats; keep on keepin’ on.

In keeping with sports. Ryno and his mom stopped by The Mine yesterday on their way to Cincinnati.

I was informed by them that our favorite High School sophomore has been named to the Varsity Basketball team at his school.

Way to go Ryno, and keep your grades up so you actually do get to play!!

Other than that I got nothing. Go to work…Go see Ryno afterwards…Come home.

That’s my Sunday. I know what you’re saying…

“That Matt-Man is like a fucking rock star!!”

Indeed, and Amen.

Don’t forget that the time change went into effect. Fall back an hour you chuckleheads!!

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Happy 16th Birthday Ryno!!

It’s going to be a warm October Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio. If only my head wasn’t plugged up tighter than a Chilean mine.

Anyhoo…

A short post on this fun-filled and assciting day.


Today marks the 16th birthday of my wunnerful son, Ryno. That’s right sports fans, The R-Man is the big One Six today.

On Monday October 24, 1994 at 7:21 PM, the little shit popped out his Mom’s hoo-ha and into our hearts forever.

I wish him and his size 14 feet a Happy Birthday and as I always do just before we hang up from talking on the phone every morning:

“Love you, Buddy!!”

Lastly…

Don’t forget to tune and call-in to I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 11 AM EDT. Jay and I are having a Tea Party and making fun of as many politicians as we can in 60 minutes.

We have some good music lined up, an exclusive interview with Christine O’Donnell, our NFL picks of the week along with a new sponsor, and dig it…

At approximately 11:30 the Birthday Boy hizzelf will be calling in. After all, what’s a birthday without a little comic abuse from two drunken old men?

Amen, and Amen...

So there you have it folks…

To get to our BTR show page in order to listen and participate, click on this fancy schmancy button below:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk RadioHave a wunnerful Sunday, and as always…

Cheers!!