While many think the results are decisive, I think the results are quite mixed as are my emotions.
The U.S. House of Representatives will once again be run by the Republicans to which I say:
Fuck it. The House is nothing but a playground ground for third-rate lawyers, failed entrepreneurs, and men and women who know that they have no chance in hell of ever getting laid without the title of "Representative" in front of their name.
The Senate? Yeah the GOP made expected gains in that chamber as well, but c’mon…Rand Paul?
Hey, I know he acts like he’s the incestuous spawn of a brother/sister-wife fuck session, which y'all so adore, but he’s not.Voters of Kentucky, I ask you?
How can you elect a walking freak show of a man who would rather spend time worshipping a false idol named Aqua Buddha than getting naked and sweaty with his uber-hot cousin?
Hey Dems!? Boy do I have a bone to pick with you stupid shits.
You rally behind an insufferable, mealy mouthed milquetoast like Harry Reid in Nevada, and yet in Wisconsin, you leave a smart, independent thinking guy like Russ Feingold to swing in the cold, dairy land winds.
I was disappointed with my own state of Ohio as well. Our incumbent Attorney General Richard Cordray was narrowly defeated by career politician and former U.S. Senator Mike DeWine.
Hey Dems!? Boy do I have a bone to pick with you stupid shits.
You rally behind an insufferable, mealy mouthed milquetoast like Harry Reid in Nevada, and yet in Wisconsin, you leave a smart, independent thinking guy like Russ Feingold to swing in the cold, dairy land winds.
I was disappointed with my own state of Ohio as well. Our incumbent Attorney General Richard Cordray was narrowly defeated by career politician and former U.S. Senator Mike DeWine.
Very sad…Cordray is a good guy.
Our incumbent Governor Ted Strickland was defeated as well by former Congressman and Wall Street mogul John Kasich. Go figure.
I can live with that. I mean, at least I don’t live in Idaho. They re-elected a Governor whose name is, Butch Otter.
Seriously…can one really respect the head of a state who's known as Gov. Otter? Every time I would see him clapping his hands, I would be laughing my ass off.
Conversely, Vermont showed their coolness by electing a Governor whose last name is Dubie.
That’s right. Brian Dubie is now the CEO of the State of Vermont so let’s head to Montpelier and fire up the water bong. Hell…
We may get doubly lucky and run into Rand Paul at the party!!
There was one election result that provided me with some joy…joy so great that my eyes welled up with tears.
Last night, in a sleepy section of northwest Arkansas, a section of America which time had forgotten, something miraculous happened.Sheriff Taylor was shot in the back. Aunt Bea was finally laid to rest…and Otis was let out of jail.
Residents of Boone County Arkansas, none more famous than my friend and I’m With Stupid co-host, Jayman, no longer have to travel to Missouri to buy alcohol.
A ballot initiative allowing the sale of alcohol has appeared to have passed in Redneckville, AR.
Praise Jeebus and pass the Wild Irish Rose!!
Here’s to my buddy Jay, and to all of the money he will save on gas.
Happy Hump Day, all. And as always…
Cheers!!
