The 2010 Mid-Term Election Results: Here's To Incest, Pot, and Booze!!

The 2010 mid-term elections are over and…

While many think the results are decisive, I think the results are quite mixed as are my emotions.

The U.S. House of Representatives will once again be run by the Republicans to which I say:

Fuck it. The House is nothing but a playground ground for third-rate lawyers, failed entrepreneurs, and men and women who know that they have no chance in hell of ever getting laid without the title of "Representative" in front of their name.

The Senate? Yeah the GOP made expected gains in that chamber as well, but c’mon…Rand Paul?

Hey, I know he acts like he’s the incestuous spawn of a brother/sister-wife fuck session, which y'all so adore, but he’s not.

Voters of Kentucky, I ask you?

How can you elect a walking freak show of a man who would rather spend time worshipping a false idol named Aqua Buddha than getting naked and sweaty with his uber-hot cousin?

Hey Dems!? Boy do I have a bone to pick with you stupid shits.

You rally behind an insufferable, mealy mouthed milquetoast like Harry Reid in Nevada, and yet in Wisconsin, you leave a smart, independent thinking guy like Russ Feingold to swing in the cold, dairy land winds.

I was disappointed with my own state of Ohio as well. Our incumbent Attorney General Richard Cordray was narrowly defeated by career politician and former U.S. Senator Mike DeWine.

Very sad…Cordray is a good guy.

Our incumbent Governor Ted Strickland was defeated as well by former Congressman and Wall Street mogul John Kasich. Go figure.

I can live with that. I mean, at least I don’t live in Idaho. They re-elected a Governor whose name is, Butch Otter.

Seriously…can one really respect the head of a state who's known as Gov. Otter? Every time I would see him clapping his hands, I would be laughing my ass off.

Conversely, Vermont showed their coolness by electing a Governor whose last name is Dubie.

That’s right. Brian Dubie is now the CEO of the State of Vermont so let’s head to Montpelier and fire up the water bong. Hell…

We may get doubly lucky and run into Rand Paul at the party!!

There was one election result that provided me with some joy…joy so great that my eyes welled up with tears.

Last night, in a sleepy section of northwest Arkansas, a section of America which time had forgotten, something miraculous happened.

Sheriff Taylor was shot in the back. Aunt Bea was finally laid to rest…and Otis was let out of jail.

Residents of Boone County Arkansas, none more famous than my friend and I’m With Stupid co-host, Jayman, no longer have to travel to Missouri to buy alcohol.

A ballot initiative allowing the sale of alcohol has appeared to have passed in Redneckville, AR.

Praise Jeebus and pass the Wild Irish Rose!!

Here’s to my buddy Jay, and to all of the money he will save on gas.

Happy Hump Day, all. And as always…

Cheers!!

Politics: It's A Love/Hate Relationship

I have been involved in politics all my life even as a wee lad.

I have worked on campaigns since the time I was eight when an older brother ran successfully for City Commissioner and three years later when he was elected to the State Senate.

I worked on various county campaigns and in ‘97 ran another brother’s successful campaign for City Commission as well.

That victory was sweet. Although the night before the election while I was putting up last minute yard signs, I broke my finger with a 5 pound sledgehammer.

I spent election day drugged up on painkillers and beer, but…that made the Victory Party much more fun.

As Political Director for SEIU/1199 WV/OH/KY, I helped several candidates run their campaigns for seats in the West Virginia Senate and House of Delegates.

During that time, I also helped author and successfully lobby on behalf of SEIU for a piece of Nursing Home Reform legislation in the West Virginia legislature.

I had a blast down there and partied quite a bit. I’ll never forget drinking moonshine in the Speaker’s office after the legislation passed two minutes before the yearly session was adjourned.

Of course, partying in the bar at the hotel I spent three months in was fun and I would toss a few back and talk to this guy during the session:

That man is a WV Delegate named Brady Paxton, and he always amused me because to me he looked like Kenny “Fucking” Rogers!!

Good Times…Good Times. Politics to me, especially the art and science of running campaigns, has always been a game. A really cool, fun game.

I guess one of the most interesting things that happened to me during a campaign occurred during the 2000 Presidential Election.

I was working for SEIU and was at our office in Columbus working our phone bank system making GOTV calls into New Mexico on behalf of Al Gore.

At about 10 PM, I and a few others along with our Prez, Dave Regan, headed to the Hyatt for the Ohio Democratic Party election night soiree.

It was fun…for awhile, but I got bored by 1 AM. I thought I would drive to my hotel and sleep while the Florida vote count got straightened out.

On my way to my car, I decided differently.

Since I was supposed to return to Bagwine in the morning, and wasn’t buzzed, I decided to drive back to Bagwine right then.

Of course…I had nowhere to stay when I got back to Bagwine, so I called my new buddy Schmoop and woke her sleeping ass up.

I asked her if I could crash at her place in about 45 minutes. Schmoop groggily said, “Yeah…sure.”

So at about 2:15 AM, I pulled into Bagwine, knocked on her apartment door, and she let me in.

The rest is history, and I have been here ever since. The moral of that story?

Al Gore invented the internets. Al Gore inspired the movie, Love Story. Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Al Gore also couldn’t win his own fucking home state in 2000 and played a role in bringing Schmoop and I together.

I Hate Al Gore...and I'm pretty sure Schmoop does too!!

Make sure you vote today, you chuckleheads.

Cheers!!