Politics: It's A Love/Hate Relationship

I have been involved in politics all my life even as a wee lad.

I have worked on campaigns since the time I was eight when an older brother ran successfully for City Commissioner and three years later when he was elected to the State Senate.

I worked on various county campaigns and in ‘97 ran another brother’s successful campaign for City Commission as well.

That victory was sweet. Although the night before the election while I was putting up last minute yard signs, I broke my finger with a 5 pound sledgehammer.

I spent election day drugged up on painkillers and beer, but…that made the Victory Party much more fun.

As Political Director for SEIU/1199 WV/OH/KY, I helped several candidates run their campaigns for seats in the West Virginia Senate and House of Delegates.

During that time, I also helped author and successfully lobby on behalf of SEIU for a piece of Nursing Home Reform legislation in the West Virginia legislature.

I had a blast down there and partied quite a bit. I’ll never forget drinking moonshine in the Speaker’s office after the legislation passed two minutes before the yearly session was adjourned.

Of course, partying in the bar at the hotel I spent three months in was fun and I would toss a few back and talk to this guy during the session:

That man is a WV Delegate named Brady Paxton, and he always amused me because to me he looked like Kenny “Fucking” Rogers!!

Good Times…Good Times. Politics to me, especially the art and science of running campaigns, has always been a game. A really cool, fun game.

I guess one of the most interesting things that happened to me during a campaign occurred during the 2000 Presidential Election.

I was working for SEIU and was at our office in Columbus working our phone bank system making GOTV calls into New Mexico on behalf of Al Gore.

At about 10 PM, I and a few others along with our Prez, Dave Regan, headed to the Hyatt for the Ohio Democratic Party election night soiree.

It was fun…for awhile, but I got bored by 1 AM. I thought I would drive to my hotel and sleep while the Florida vote count got straightened out.

On my way to my car, I decided differently.

Since I was supposed to return to Bagwine in the morning, and wasn’t buzzed, I decided to drive back to Bagwine right then.

Of course…I had nowhere to stay when I got back to Bagwine, so I called my new buddy Schmoop and woke her sleeping ass up.

I asked her if I could crash at her place in about 45 minutes. Schmoop groggily said, “Yeah…sure.”

So at about 2:15 AM, I pulled into Bagwine, knocked on her apartment door, and she let me in.

The rest is history, and I have been here ever since. The moral of that story?

Al Gore invented the internets. Al Gore inspired the movie, Love Story. Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Al Gore also couldn’t win his own fucking home state in 2000 and played a role in bringing Schmoop and I together.

I Hate Al Gore...and I'm pretty sure Schmoop does too!!

Make sure you vote today, you chuckleheads.

Cheers!!

If It's November, It's Party Time!!

Welcome to November, you chuckleheads!!

This month is full of nothing but full throttle excitement. What do I mean? Now listen up, and dig it!!

First off, tomorrow, November 2nd , is Election Day. I know; I know…many of you who do vote, may have already voted, but me? I’m a purist.

Tomorrow I will walk to work at about 1:30 PM and on my way, stop at my polling place to let my nasally, twangy voice be heard in a political and metaphorical sense.

Strickland for Governor…yes!! Richard Cordray for Attorney General…yes!! All of the other races? Who the fuck cares!?

With any luck, I’ll be voting next to some hot, uptight, Conservative chick who is desperate for the high hard one, and is up for some chad dangling and cock-us-ing. I dig democracy in action.

Tuesday, November 9th is World Freedom Day and I plan on celebrating big time.

I’m going to go to work completely nekkid, pee in the streets, and grab a strangers tit in order to find out if I am truly free, or that the cops will be called and I find that true freedom is but a mere pipe dream.

November 11th is of course Veteran’s Day so...

I will honor the memory of those who have served in the defense of this great nation by buying a pair of Ralph Lauren Tyler Vintage Chinos which were $65.00 for only $10.99 at Macy’s Veteran’s Day Sale!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!

What month doesn’t go by without another Jewish or Muslim holiday? November doesn’t disappoint, as we celebrate the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha. Damn right!!

Allahites everywhere will be honoring Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son, Ishmael, to God, but was given the kinder, gentler option by the Great Googly Moogly of Godliness of being allowed to kill a ram…or goat…or something.

I will celebrate by instead of killing my son Ryno, butchering my cat, Corky. If you’d like to join me, let me know; we’ll nosh on some really tender pussy together.

The big one this month is of course, Thanksgiving.

Americans everywhere will be eating turkey, drinking wine, chowing down on pumpkin pie, and precipitating a myriad of domestic violence calls on November 25th.

I think it is wonderful and appropriate that Thanksgiving falls during the same month as Native American Indian Heritage Month.

I guess I should work in a trip to a casino and develop small pox along with a mild case of cirrhosis of the liver in honor of all the heap big chiefs and squaws this month as well. How!!

Oh guess what else happens in November…I’m With Stupid will be airing every Friday at 11 PM Eastern all through November.

Now Bitches…tell me that ain’t big!! Uh-huh, thought so.

Jay and I will provide you with all of your November humor this month. So get stupid with us every Friday. And…

In case you missed it, you can listen to our Halloween show that we did this past Friday right here:

Have a wunnerful Monday and an even better, fun-filled month of November.

Cheers!!

Julie, Julie, Julie, Do Ya Love Me?

I arrived home Monday night after work and as I always do I cracked open a beer, fired up the computer and a Marlboro Light, and opened my e-mail.

One was an Entrecard ad request. One was an invite through Facebook. One was an e-mail from a lovely friend, and the other..?

It was a hate and expletive filled diatribe about my blog, and an assault on my character…I dug it!!

Seems that some chick named Julie (if that’s her real name) doesn’t take kindly to me posting pictures of women and labeling their pictures for example as “Scarlett Johansson Naked” or lying about them being naked in my post titles.

She said, “It’s pretty pathetic that you are so fucking insecure that you need to use women and their sexuality to drive folks to your website, all the while misleading people.”

I thought about that sentence and said to myself, “Hmmmm…I like how she used the word “fucking” in that sentence for emphasis.”

Jules continued…

“Hey Matt-Fucking-Man, I wasted my time reading many of your posts today, and you are so damn gross and repugnant that you even post pictures of this alleged girlfriend of yours nearly naked and treat her like a dog. She must be, if she’s real you fucking liar, a damn nutcase or drug addict.”

Hee Hee…I really dug that passage. Two “fuckings” and two “damns” in one thought. Da Bitch got skillz!!

She concluded by asking…

“You got your number of hits going up now little boy? Do you think you are so very clever now you piece of shit?”

I pondered for a moment, and then replied to her e-mail with the following…

Julie,

Yes.

P.S. Do you have a picture of yourself that I could use on my site?

Long day today folks. Walking to my polling place to vote as a Born-Again Independent, and then walking on to work for another fun-filled 10-9 shift at the Beer Mine.

Enjoy your Tuesday, all.

Cheers!!