Dear Bag Man:
I love Wild Irish Rose (red of course), but sometimes when I drink a couple fifths of it, a troll-like creature with three horns and yellow goo oozing from his ears appears. The troll then begins to yell at me using what I believe to be expletives in Swedish. Is this normal?
Signed,
Troubled in Trotwood
Dear Troubled,
The answer is yes and no. The troll-like creature is called a “Rose Hobbit” and yes his appearance is not uncommon; however, he usually alternates his explicit language using Cornish and Celtic. And don’t worry, he’s completely harmless.
Dear Bag Man:
Some of my Wild Irish Rose buddies make fun of me and call me names like “Mild Irish Rosie” because I drink it out of a glass. They say that if you don’t leave it in the bag and drink it from the bottle you’re not a true WIR drinker. What say you?
Sincerely,
Emasculated in Huber Heights
Dear Emasculated,
Keep your chin up and your glass in hand my friend. There was a time when that was the ONLY way to drink it, and my name harkens back to our forefathers of Rose drinkers, but those days are long gone. Believe it or not, there once was a stigma attached to drinking Rose. Rose has come a long way. If one drinks it from the bottle, the full richness of the bouquet does not get released as it does when poured into a glass. Tell your friends that experiencing only a part of the beauty of WIR is just not your bag.
Dear Bag Man:
I am the proud parent of a six month old son. His mom is going out of town for two weeks leaving me to take care of the baby. With crying, feeding, and changing, I am afraid that this will cut into my Rose intake. Any suggestions?
Yours in Christ,
Dad in Dayton
Dear Dad,
Trust me, I’ve been there. I can’t help you as far as the changing, but you can do the feeding with one hand, leaving the other hand free for your Rose glass. If your son will not stop crying, put him in his chair swing and run the vacuum. If that doesn’t work, a tablespoon of Rose in the formula goes a long way. He will be playing with the Sandman in no time.
If you have any questions about Rose etiquette, food pairings, or cirrhosis just drop me a line at:
neshobadude@yahoo.com
And Now Our Moment of Hinn…
Wild Irish Rose
Liquid Heaven with a Kick
My Liver Puckers…
--Matt-Man aka "The Bag Man"
12 comments:
I only have one, and when he was six months or so, I had the cleanest carpet in town form constantly running the Hoover. As far as your sanity, you are correct. Simply by having four kids puts that into question.
Thanks, kinda
When The Rose Hobbit was speaking Swedish, I was thinking he had his drinks mixed up. I get a visit from a similar creature when I drink too many Absolut Screwdrivers... ;)
Maybe he was mixing Rose and Absolut, and much like Mr. Badway, became conflicted.
Oh man... can you even do that and live?
I'll try it this weekend and if still alive, get back with ya.
You'll try it this weekend??? Ha! Sometimes you truly are funny. I said sometimes.
Kill Joy...It's for research purposes only..no..really...
Don't forget, I've seen your research purposes!
And yet, I sense distrust
I feel inspired to go out and find a box of Wild Irish Rose!
What helpful advice!
Here's the thing, though: I cringe and twitch at the thought of Wild Irish Rose, because it was the source of my very first drop-dead-drunk experience back in college. Drank a whole bottle of it, along with a whole bag of Cheetos, in about 45 minutes. Needless to say, my friend's floor was soon covered in neon orange barf. NOT pleasant! Let's just say the Rose Hobbit needed an exorcism that day.
I've gotten to where I can eat Cheetos again, but still can't drink Wild Irish Rose.
So there's a lot of cringing and twitching and wincing when I read this stuff, but hey, I promise not to hold it against you. LOL. Keep up the good work. This really is a great blog. (No, really! Honest! Ignore the twitching!)
HA...Janna, had you had white WIR you would have been fine. Red doesnt go well with Cheetos...Thanks for the nice words and have a good weekend!!
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