Diary of a Lounge Singer

Nineteen or Twenty years ago I was doing stand-up comedy gigs locally. My stage persona was that of a third rate lounge singer. My look was comprised of spray painted black and silver hair, open shirt, multiple gold chains of varying degrees of gaudiness, pinky rings, black pleather pants, and a red suit coat on which I glued silver glitter to the lapels and my initials on the back. I was smokin’ hot. I’d perform my songs on a little Yamaha Rhythm Keyboard, which rested safely atop an ironing board. Good Times, indeed.

One of my first blog posts contained the lyrics to my song, “Argentinian Siamese Twins”. And now I have come across another little gem from two decades ago. For your dancing and dining enjoyment, I present the following:


I used to date a girl named Jill
Now her name, her name is Bill
Should told me once, But I didn’t understand
That she wanted to become a man.

Frankly, I was a little appalled
I’d slept with her, yeah we’d done it all
Was I that bad? Was that the reason why,
That she wanted to become a guy?

Things were cool for a couple of weeks
I could eat and I could finally sleep
Then she showed up with tears in her eyes
And said, “Hey Matt-Man, I’ve got a surprise.”

She said,

Went to the doctor he gave me some news
She was beaming, but I was not amused
They performed an ultra sound, and
You’ll never guess what they found….

Oh God…What?

I was pregnant when I had my sex change
I’m still the same I’m just rearranged
Then Bill hugged me and got on his knee
And said, ‘Oh Matt-Man, wont you marry me, please?”

I’d marry you if you were Jill
But now you’re some hairy guy named Bill
I like to give, not receive an injection
But I’ll be there when they do the C-Section

Now if that’s not a good tune to drink with some Rose, I don’t know what is. I tell ya, true stories are always the funniest.

Cheers….

And Now Our Moment of Motto…

Florida: “Where East Coast Jews Come to Die”

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Footnote: "Crtique My Blog" author Billy Mac has written a review of my blog. Go on over to his site and check him out. Show B-Man some Bagwine lovin'.