Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Make The Bagwine Connection

I have in the past offered advice to Wild Irish Rose drinkers. Today I am offering a new service. For all of you lonely hearts out there, here is our first edition of Bagwine Connections: Real People Seeking Real Love. Today five great guys in search of their soulmate, or at least some hot sex…Ladies, here is today’s smorgasbord of lust.


Pizza Man In Search of Pie…

Hi Ladies. My name is Dave I’m 28, clean, courteous, and work in the kitchen at Pizza Hut. I am looking for a saucy woman who can make my dough rise. I’m into bowling, bingo, and being your backdoor buddy. I have seniority, so I’m free on the weekends. If you’re a female between the ages of 20-60, who is looking for some extra sausage, call me and I’ll deliver. Please, no extra larges.

If Dave makes you “hunger”, type in: DeepDish69 and leave your message.


M.B.A. Looking for G.A.L.…

My name is Myron, but hopefully some lovely girl will soon be calling me “My-man” LOL. I am an accountant for the city of Centerville, and let me tell you, I play by the numbers!! LOL. If you are looking for someone to share a picnic with, a hayride, or even a feisty game of checkers, let me king you!! LOL. I am a Caucasian male, 5’9”, and weigh 123 lbs. My eyes are hazel, and my hair is an off shade of ginger. It’s getting cooler out, let’s share some hot chocolate!! LOL.

If you want Myron to “audit” you, type in: Abacus1040A and leave your message.

Public Servant Seeks Oval Orifice…

My name is George, and I’m what you call a long tall Texan, baby. I is a pubic servant when I’m not out tapping dry oil fields or laying waste to goddamn innocent, yet well-deserving countries. I’d like to find a babe who is fine with just sitting around drinking a few cold ones and gnawin’ on some Mister Saltys. What I do is hard work and sometimes involves eps-see-ah-nahjjj. Turns ya on, don’t it. I may not be the brightest, but I’m the baddest SOB you’ll ever meet. Bring it on, baby!!

Want to raise George’s pole number? type in: CrotchRocketOne and leave your message.

Huddled Mass Seeks Helpful Miss…

I am newly arrival from the Republic of Turdministan. My name called Bendel Gobo. I am six summers shy of my 40th autumn. I am happy to experience the fruits of US woman. I would like to meet woman who is goodly ample with breastesses. Also one who claims food and drink to share. I can fix things around hovel to make spic and span. My looks are good. I am what you call “stud-biscuit”. Let us get together and make date. My tuberculosis has improved much lot.

If you would like to “assimilate” Bendel, type in: HoboGobo and leave your message.

Devoted Son Seeks Blonde Beauty…


I am a shy but loving Motel keeper. When I am not doing my Motel duties, I take care of my elderly mother. After all, a boy’s best friend is his mother!! I don’t set a fancy table, but it’s always homey. : ) I am searching for an attractive young woman to spend the evenings with and possibly a lifetime. Blonde hair a plus!! I hate the smell of dampness…It’s such a, I don’t know creepy smell. But yet I really enjoy getting rough with a young lady in the shower. ; )~~ I hope you’re out there for me and mother. You won’t be sorry, because I am caring and I guess I have one of those faces you can’t help believing.

If you want to “reserve” this man, type in: Stormin’Norman1960 and leave a message.

I hope all of you are successful in your quest…
Cheers

And Now Our Moment of Motto…

New York: “It’s All About Us”

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my, what wonderful men. Whom shall I choose????

Schmoop said...

Choose wisely, aisby, choose wisely...

Anonymous said...

Aisby...run wild with your choices..like well manicured nails threw my mane

Schmoop said...

That was deep HC, bowing head, snapping fingers...

"Little birdie in the pet store window, there is no food for you today...only death."

Anonymous said...

The car went down the road,
down the road it sped,
the car went off the mountain pass,
and everyone was dead.

A tribute to Grace Kelly

Schmoop said...

Whoever wrote that is BRILLIANT!!

Mo and The Purries said...

ah 5 lonely men, all making me glady I'm a big ho mo

Schmoop said...

Eloquent as always, Mo...

Unknown said...

Hmmmm... can you find out if Stormin Norman is into taxidermy. That shit makes me hot, right there.

Schmoop said...

Of course he does, but it's just a hobby.

Lizza said...

Dave sounds interesting. I mean...FREE PIZZA!!!

Is he interested in only American women?

Schmoop said...

I think Dave would be happy with anything he could get!!

Laura said...

Myron sounds cute - LOL! How do I contact him? Hahaha. No really. LOL. :) You won't tell him I'm married, right? ;} LMAO. Hot chocolate. :)

Sorry, got carried away in an inane LOL/emoticon stream of conciousness bit.

Schmoop said...

Ha....Funny as always Mizz Laura.