Streaming Friday !!

It’s Friday, and what does that mean? That’s right it’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday!! Yaga Boo Yaga Boo Yaga Yaga Boo….I had two eggs easy over this morning, and boy were they Dee-Lish. The bacon was frozen, but it will thaw by this evening. Maybe tonight I will have fried SPAM wrapped in bacon, and smothered in a sauce of melted Velveeta and mushrooms…Yum-Oh.

Great Googly Moogly, poor Corky the Cat yacked all over the place last night, leaving a wet, steamy, gooey mass of congealed fur on the living room floor. She hadn’t done that since she ate a bad sardine.

The mere sight of President Bush makes my head recoil into a series of uncontrollable left and right tics. The sight of Darth Cheney makes me want to slit my wrists. Of course the sight of myself makes me want to have breast implants, so I can sit at home all day and fondle them. I like scalloped corn.

Rev. Ted Haggard has resigned as head of the 30 million strong National Association of Evangelicals. He is also vehemently opposed to same sex marriage. Well doing God’s work was not enough for Reverand Ted. He allegedly has been doing meth and having sex with a male prostitute. I love it when someone gets outted. No, not because they’re gay…hell I don’t care if someone has sex with a Martian…I love it when some slimy, pretentious creep gets outted for being a lying hypocrite. Hmmmmm sex with a Martian, I may look into that.

Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Why should I anyway? I could really go for a bottle of Orange Crush right now. Son of a bitch, I just got a cramp in the bottom of my foot. Damn those hurt. The new visitor tracker on my sidebar reminded me of an unfulfilled goal of mine. I want to have sex with a woman from each of the world’s time zone.

Why do people often refuse to tell you who they voted for? Are they ashamed of their choices? I say yes. I woke up with a bad case of shingles this morning; at least I hope that’s all it is. Rikki Tikki Tavi, and away we go!!!

A double bonus for today, Hair Care Joe AND Sen. Rick Santorum….

And Now, “In the Know with Hair Care Joe”

Greetings Hair Care Joe:

I am a single mother of two girls, ages 6 and 9. I work two jobs and can barely make ends meet. With so many ads on TV promoting candidates, I have become confused. I need some of your wisdom and guidance. Considering my situation, should I vote for the Democrats or the Republicans?

Sincerely,

Rosemary Pepper
Athens, Ohio

P.S. You have great locks!!

Dear Rosemary,

You sound cute and I would like to meet your bare end. With regards to your vote, remember that the man has put you down time and time again. As my hero Nipsey Russell once said, "You didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on you!!" Fight the power!!

PS Your name is a seasoning and do you like Maurice Chevalier's song "Thank Heaven for Little Girls..."?

Hair Care Joe is Director of the "Mel Gibson Center for Non-Violent Social Change", and sits on the Board of Directors of the "Joe McCarthy Foundation for Responsible Politics."

And Now Our Moment of Campaign Catastrophe…

“As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else.... It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States.”

--Sen. Rick Santorum (Ed. Note: That has bad acid written all over it.)

Have a great weekend, spend it in a new sexual position. Cheers…