Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiday, so deck my halls and blow me down. I’m a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. I am going to be partying with all of the brothers and sisters on Christmas Eve. Woop woop woop what fun we shall have. One of my brothers drinks DIET Tonic Water…What, regular tonic water has too many calories? I bet if he ever has to be put on oxygen he will ask for diet air.

Haircare Joe is comin’ to town so lock your doors and hide the children. I hope he remembers to bring his Tussy deodorant. Do I make you randy baby? Do I? Austin Powers and I have one thing in common….bad teeth. I wish I could give each and every one of you a fifth of Wild Irish Rose for Christmas. Spreadin’ peace through Bagwine. I am partial to the fugue. Dang my boys are itching better scratch ‘em. Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can!! A classic. I’m in the mood for love, simply because you’re near me.

One of my son’s Christmas presents is a pair of Cleveland Cavalier basketball tickets for him and his mom. Best thing is, his uncle bought them. The only thing that I am giving him for Christmas is a hard time. Maybe I’ll take him a piping hot bowl of gruel. Nah, I couldn’t do that because the little man is just too darn sweet. Wake me up before you go go. Where the hell did that come from? I hate George Michael. Well I guess that’s a pretty strong thing to say about someone I don’t even know. Clang clang clang went the trolley.

I have been peeing quite frequently of late. I drink a lot of water, but damn, I have been going more often than Britney Spears exposes her hoo ha. Maybe I’m pregnant. I can’t be, because that would entail having sex, which we all know is in short supply in the world of Matt. When I go shopping tomorrow, perhaps I can go into a crowded store and “accidentally” rub up against some hot babes. Maybe that will help cool the fire. I bet Anna Nicole Smith smells.

I unknowingly cross my legs every time I hear “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” play on the radio. Asdfjkl; I wanna be a cowboy and you can be my cowgirl. On Monday Dick Cheney will say, “God Damn it, this present sucks.” And then he’ll probably shoot it. What a jerk. Quoth the raven, nevermore. I have a craving for a chili dog and potato salad. Good God, maybe I am pregnant.

I’ll be back later today with a brief, seasonal message of hope and cheer for all of you fine folks. Until then, Cheers. Damn it you two, stop itching!!