Bite My Ass

The butter beans and cottage cheese last night were quite unfulfilling. In fact the meal was so bad it ushered in a most unusual dream while I was slumbering. I dreamed I was standing on the sidewalk in an atmosphere that resembled a parade of sorts.

Tiny misshapen Shriners were cruising the streets on their diminutive motorcycles tossing beans of all sorts to the crowd. People were waving palm tree frawns. As the Shriners moved on, Jesus appeared. He was riding through the town on a donkey, waving to the masses.

The crowd fanned him with their palms as they furiously devoured their beans. In a fit of rage, I stormed through the crowd onto the street and knocked Christ from his donkey. I picked up the creature and ran away to a field full of lettuce and tomato plants.

I put the donkey on a spit over a hot fire as discordant braying emanated from his slobbering mouth. I then applied the lettuce, tomato, and a dollop of sour cream that I always keep in my pocket.

The meat being medium rare, I began to devour the Blessed Burro Supreme. The tangy juices of the Equus Asinus dripped down my chin as I continued to feast. I thought to myself…Meat, good. Oh what a dream.

Tonight’s Meatless Lenten Menu: Cottage Cheese and Split Pea soup w/o ham or bacon.

Until later today…Cheers!!