My friend Gouda, was given several interview questions from a friend of hers. She answered them HERE, and asked if anyone would like her to interview them. If so, let her know and she would put together some questions especially for the person requesting said interview. Well I asked her to question me without impunity. The following are Gouda’s questions and my well-though out responses.
1. Would you rather have a permanent smile or a permanent erection? Explain your answer.
That’s a tough one. If I had a permanent erection and was able to empty the contents of my Johnson when needed, that would lead to a permanent smile as well. However, if by permanent erection, you mean always stiff as a board and no relief, then I’ll have to opt for the upside down frown.
2. You are a condemned man and are granted the final meal of your choice. Explain each course.
I would have six Taco Bell Burrito Supremes, a case of White Castle Hamburgers, and a stick of butter. When they injected me, my bowels would open up like a New Orleans levee and leave them with a mess of liquefied entrails that has a big old P-U and F-U written all over it.
3. Armageddon has ensued in the form of nuclear war. There are only 2 people left to repopulate the planet -- you and Rachel Ray. Describe how, in the absence of firearms, you would kill yourself.
I would kill her instead. I would take my tally-whacker that has been blessed with a permanent erection and beat her over the skull until she succumbed. That would leave me alone on Earth with my continuous stiffy, what a “touching” moment. Are you listening, Lifetime Movie Network?
4. You are given a time machine for your birthday. To what "when" do you first go?
Being the patriotic American that I am, I transport myself to the moment just prior to George W. Bush’s conception and bind Barbara Bush’s legs together. Just for good measure and some extra insurance, I kick George H.W. Bush in the nuts.
5. You find, as you walk down the street, that George W. Bush is flailing before you on fire. You also note that you have a mighty full bladder. What do you do?
That’s easy; I would laugh my ass off as I pissed my pants.
Enjoy the day folks, and make sure to return tomorrow for the big party. I am sure to make it more mundane that anticipated. Cheers!!
P.S. All of the bread and milk are gone from the grocery store shelves and Interstate 71 is at a standstill; the WHITE DEATH is upon us!!
11 comments:
LOL! Very good, my dear! You done did me proud. I pretty much knew how you would have answered to most of those. :)
Of course you knew how I would answer, you and I being twin siblings of different mothers...and decades, and all ; )
As usual, you are pure genius.
Well, genius mixed with some sort of disturbing "Secret Ingredient."
But certainly there's genius in there somewhere.
Xcelnt Answers! LOL
Matt~ you can make bread but as far as the milk is concerned.. unless you have a Bossie at home.. your screwed,,, or just make due with WIR on your corn flakes?
ah Matt-Man.. great answers... see for the last meal one- i have thought of that (kinda weird.. but hey it is ME)
I have a fatal allergy to lobster and crab, so I would gorge myself on said seafood and drop dead before they could take my life, thus ruining all THEIR fun
OK MATT-MAN. tHIS IS WHERE i SHOW UP ON MY BIRTHDAY AND WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
(And I'll stop yelling cuz I found the $%*&^%@##$$%% caps lock button)
Happy Birthday Dude.
I was sent to wish you a happy birthday. Have a great one.
Ah Matty--excellent answers!
Ah Cheesy, Corn Flakes and Rose, the breakfast of ex-champions!!
Why Thank ya Janna...I try to walk that fine line between genius and insanity...Much like you!!
That's funny Bond because I was going to also have heavily buttered Lobster!!
THANKS SCOTT HAPPY B-DAY TO YOU TOO : )
Thanks Donna I'll try...
Thank YA TB...Cheers!!
Nice to get to know you..
My that first one must have been HARD to answer indeed...
Happy Birthday from the Great White North!!! (no... not Ollie..)
;-)
Hi Anndi, thanks for stopping by and yes the first one was quite the dilemma!!
Post a Comment