Friday, March 09, 2007

Streaming Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday so let loose the pigeons and cover your head. Newt Gingrich says that he was having an affair at the same time that he was trying to impeach President Clinton. I find this terribly repulsive…I mean, how the hell can Newt get laid and I can’t!!? I am working on a script for a porno movie starring Jesus and Mary Magdalene. It’s called “The Savior Always Comes Twice”. Do you hear me Russ Meyer? Of course he can’t. He’s dead. Is it wrong to like show tunes?

I need to shave because my goatee is becoming less defined. I’m losing that edgy poet look. I may put an earring in this weekend. I haven’t worn one in quite awhile. Thirteen days until I fly to D.C. for my nephew’s wedding. I’m feeling hungover already. The worst thing about the trip is that I have to fly into Reagan International Airport. Why would they name an airport after the demon child in The Exorcist? Kinda creepy.

I was thinking about voting for Barack Obama for President next year until he said that he was going to quit smoking. What a pussy. Can’t handle your tar Senator? Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice; you must be pretty fricking desperate. I have no idea what’s for meatless Lenten dinner tonight…maybe black beans, tomatoes, and corn. That will look delightful when I go to the bathroom tomorrow morning. Wouldn’t you freak if you went to the bathroom to pinch a loaf and a light bulb came out of your ass? Aint no sunshine when she’s gone.

Ernest Gallo died at the age of 97 the other day, which proves the point…drinking bagwine results in longevity. I think sometimes bagwines act as a type of embalming preservative, allowing one to continue on even though the person has become a drooling, rambling idiot from brain cell loss. Swiss cheese is delicious, and I have an itch on my elbow. I wonder if President Bush has ever peed in an alley. I’m guessing yes, and I don’t even like the guy. Beyonce’, Yum-Oh!! Did Peter Paul Mary?

I like the word “mukluk”. I hate wearing socks and in a month or so I won’t have to because it will be WARM!! We are supposed to turn our clocks ahead one hour this weekend in the U.S. This gives us an extra hour of sunlight. Wouldn’t it be funny if nobody told the sun!? Solar humor at it’s finest. I have a flare for solar humor. ‘Scuse me, while I kiss the sky. Yaga Boo Yaga Boo Yaga Yaga Booooooooooo!!

Have a great weekend folks. I am going to spend mine wrapped in saran wrap and see how fresh I stay. Enjoy your time and I’ll see ya all Monday.
CHEERS!!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ronald Reagan was the best!!!

"PURE" Sterling Beer!!!!! And you must point at the can when saying it..

Schmoop said...

You must be drunk Joe. Mmmmmm Sterling Beer. Not only pure, it was only $1.69 a six pack.

adav_11 said...

My husband just got some mukluks. He saw mine and wanted some as well but I was horrified to see him asleep on the bed the other day nude except for the mukluks. Not a good look.

We don't turn our clocks ahead for another few weeks over here.

Anyhow, my lazy Friday menu recommendation for today is vegetarian baked beans and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. No muss, no fuss and the kids will eat it.

none said...

Back in 89 my work had a customer appreciation party and not one person showed. They let me take home (5) 5 litre boxes of gallo pink bag wine.

That was a hell of a month.

Schmoop said...

LOL...That is a disturbing...a nude mukluk wearer!! My kid doesn't live with me adav, but Schmoop and I do love da Grilled Cheese. Drink a dirty one tonight. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Ha. Hammer no one showed up because they knew you were serving Gallo. But their good taste resulted in your good fortune...I think. Cheers and have a good weekend.

Cheesy said...

Seems like Ham is bring the wine for the blog party! Never eat light bulbs and corn in the same meal ,, you will be sorry.Scuse me, while I kiss this guy.. Jimi pucker up! Crap Jimi's lips have rotted off. Lean in Matt. Speaking of purple hazes..I want to know who came to my room last night with the bat? Head hurts and leg is bruised.. I now have a map to follow in my travels today. Shaving is for pussys..Matt let me wax your face.
Well this postman is headed out the door Ill ring twice, knock ya up long side the head 3 times if ya want me.
CHEERS!

Schmoop said...

LOL...Excellent Cheesy. Sorry about the bruises I didnt know a wiffle ball bat would do so much damage. I got all hot when you told me to lean in until I found out that you wanted me to do that so you could wax my face. KNock me up Cheesy, I dare ya. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Sorry Matt I cant swing that way anymore...but I can still practice at it!

y.Wendy.y said...

Oh you made me laugh - well done - first chuckle of the day...I shall drink a toast to you tonight M-man...cheers to you too...don't wrap up too tightly or your python will suffocate and fall off.

Schmoop said...

Practice makes perfect Cheesy!!

I'm glad I could make ya chuckle Wendz especially since I know you have a case of the blues. I'll drink one for you tonight as well. And by the way, "python"? You are much too kind and generous. Cheers!!

Odat said...

I can't wait to wear my mukluks sockless...I hear they're the new flip flop this summer....
Have a wonderful weekend, stay fresh!
Peace

Schmoop said...

I'm thinking about investing in a nice pair of wooden shoes. Have a good one Odat.

Liz Hill said...

Isn't Gallo akin to the "Cristal" of bagwine?

Schmoop said...

Pfffffft...Gallo cannot hold a candle to the beauty that is Wild Irish Rose. Cheers and have fun this weekend.

Deb said...

Okay - you were all over the fricken place but it was soooo funny! Gallo died? See, the Italians believe that if you drink wine every single night, that it'll clean your inner plumbing. Also, I grew up with Italian parents. They drank Carlo & Rossi by the JUGS! And they're still kickin' it till this day.

Enjoy your weekend!

Schmoop said...

Hiya Deb...I do the Stream of Consciousness every Friday. A nightly wine drinking habit has helped to bring me to where I am today. And yet, I still drink. Let your Italian parents know that there is a nice Irish boy from Ohio following their lead. Cheers and have a good one as well.

tkkerouac said...

mmm I drank white wine, ate swiss cheese and grapes last night, have a great weekend!

Schmoop said...

Have a most enjoyable one yourself Kerouac. Cheers!!

RW said...

haaha great stuff Matt! let the Wild Irish Flow;D

Schmoop said...

You can count on that happening Roger. Have a good weekend and Cheers!!

Unknown said...

The Postman Always Comes Twice?!?! OMG!!!

You are on FIRE my friend! lol

Have an awesome weekend!

Eyezaku said...

what the hell's a mukluk? nevermind i'll google it.

enjoy the w'end Matt-man!

PS: cant wait for the porno movie:)

Mo and The Purries said...

sunny days, sweeping the clouds away.
streaming matt-man needs some meat inside.
"if nobody told the sun"
har!
sucks that we lose an hour of sleep this weekend, three weeks earlier than normal.
or lose an hour of drinking time, if you're so inclined.
or loose meat sandwiches, for those of us who can still dine.

cheers, Ernesto
have a Gallo weekend

Janna said...

My elbow itches TOO!
We could be TWINS!

Travis Cody said...

Nutty.

It's not wrong to like show tunes, but they'll lock you up if you stand in the middle of a busy intersection and sing them.

Wait...maybe that was because of the fig leaf...

Schmoop said...

Allie, where the hell have you been!? I need a Gouda fix!!

Eyechan: Mukluks are spiffy footwear.

Mo: The ghost of Ernesto said Hi.

Janna: We are twin siblings of different mothers.

Travis: Ha...very good