It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so step on a crack while standing underneath a ladder because it’s Triskaidekaphobia Day!! Friday the 13th conjures up fear for some but I have no phobias. Well okay I have one. I suffer from Dickheadaphobia which is an irrational fear of Vice President Cheney. I think many would argue that my fear of him is quite rational.In order to
My left wrist still hurts. I have a callous on my right thumb. It is due to frequently flicking my lighter in order to fire up a cigarette. I guess it is just one more reason to stop smoking, but I think I’ll just switch to using matches. Problem solved. Rock me Amadeus. I’m going to have my head shaved again this weekend. Maybe once it’s done I’ll put on a dress and see how it feels to be a nappy headed ho. Matt-Man: always willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Damn I really need to clip my toenails.
The weather has been really crappy. Rain, cold…I wish it would warm up so I could go outside and fish and get bitten by a mosquito infected with West Nile Virus. Holy crap a haiku just popped into my head:
Don said, “nappy ho”
The basketball team cried foul
Al Sharpton cashed in
Mooooooooooo. I want to go swimming. My love for swimming is exceeded only by my love of peeing in public pools. Stop that Corky. Smut!! I love smut and nothing but, hip hip hooray. Oh yeah definitely throwin’ on some Tom Lehrer later. I will certainly try to post pics of my shaved head unlike last time. Sui Generis…I love saying that and it describes me so well. Bring me the head of John the Baptist, if unable to do that, bring me a Big Mac…I’m starved!!
Well folks I’m off to see the Wizard. Have a great weekend; spend it offending someone you barely know. Until Monday, Cheers…
30 comments:
I didn't know you smoked. See, one learns something new.
And I didn't even remember today was Friday 13th.
I guess it's because in Argentina it's Tuesdays that are bad when they are the 13th.
No idea why. But now you learned something new.
Or maybe you knew already.
Happy Friday!
-N
I love to smoke, but hopefully I will quit someday soon. I did not know that Nat. I'll make sure to stay away from Buenos Aires on any Tuesday the 13th. Thanks for the info and have a fabulous weekend.
Islands in the stream of corn syrup in my mountain dew - hot diggity dog it's matty's Friday round up where two brain cells frantically try to fire up his readers.
Both of them appreciate the effort.
Wait, this isn't slam Matt-man day, so I apologize in advance for offending any circumsized nappy men in the general bagwine Springfield area.
Just gotta ask: is 'nappy' an 'n' word now that us honkies ain't supposed to say it anymo?
First faggot turned into the 'f' word, now 'nappy' is the 'n' word? So what happens to the other 'n' word previously known as THE 'n' word? Is that 'n-word 1' and nappy is Number 2?
That reminds me: add TP to the shopping list.
But scratch off the nappies. What about the Brits who call diapers "nappies" - will they be forced to say diapers instead of their vernacular old nappies?
You know they'll stretch diapers into three syllables instead of us yanks who say "die-purrs" they'll say "die-uh-purrs" just like how they add that extra zing into aluminum. They say "al-you-mini-yum".
Well, Matty, now that you've been awarded a Thinking Award and been given lots of stuff to think about, I hope you have a good Friday The 13th. Watch out for axe wielding pigs getting revenge for you post-Lenten bacon extravaganza.
Die-uh-pers!! I hate when people say that, Much like when someone says ba-lone-uh or cat-sup. It's baloney and ketchup dammit!! Which if you sprinkle on some parmesean cheese makes for a delightful sandwich!! By the way I have three brain cells thank you very much. I am so glad that I make you think...I think. I'll watch for the swine while I dine. Cheers to you Mr Nappy Headed Mo!!
Hmm, remind me to never invite you over for a pool party....even if there are two Lebanese girls who want to see you! ;)
Wow Deb, the visions you just conjured up in my feeble mind!! And please note, I pee in in public pools not private ones so let me know when I can come over!! Cheers and have a wunnerful weekend.
Have a great weekend matt....
Peace
You too odat. Your hat is coming soon and because I have procrastinated so long I am sending you a T-Shirt as well. Cheers!!
Going to take off the tool belt long enough to stream, Matt maybe try to add a rasher of bacon to the ol' weiner.. might be able to fool yourself into thinking you're intact? That and women who love bacon will fall at your feet to worship the penis of pork~~
Ok tool belt back on.. only stream in the noggin now....dryrotdryrotdryrotdryrot...
shit.
Brilliant!! Not only sensible but delicious as well. And when I go to the beach it will heat up and the aroma will draw them to me. I can only imagine what kind of pigs I would attract with my shaft o' swine!! Mmmmmmmmm Cheesy in a tool belt Cheers!!
You shouldn't clip them dear.. file them. I think a soft shade of pink polish would complete the pedicure quite nicely. And while you're at it get a manicure and get them to get rid of the callouses.
The morning after the Taylor Hicks concert, we sat down to a breakfast of scrambled eggs and turkey bacon, it was quite enjoyable. The birds outside the window looked at us with anger and shock. Is that bird poop on the car?
I wish the snow would hurry up and melt and it would get warmer and i can put away my turtlenecks... circumsized huh? Well, good luck with the potato peeler. Remind never to go to your house for roast beef and mashed potatoes.
Have a great weekend, tell the Wizard his organ needs tuning.
If I'm going to have them filed it better be a big file. Pink just isnt for me but a bright bold magenta would put me in a swoon!! I would expect a fan of TH to eat turkey bacon...How Blasphemous!! Dont worry Anndi I'll sterilize the peeler when I'm done, and the Wizard can tune his own organ. Have a good weekend yourself, and Cheers...
It's not the size of the file but whether or not Helga is the one wielding with. I thought for once you might try something understated though.. You know a French manicure would look lovely on you.
You're such a thoughtful host.
Matt-Man,
Nice picture! Does the carpet match the curtains?
Just like Tuesday's quiz.
Anndi, I guess it does come down to the skill of the hand rather than the size of the file. And I try to be thoughtful especially when interacting with lovely Canadian women.
I bet it does Haircare and man what a fiasco Tuesday's quiz was. Call me this weekend if you get a chance. Cheers!!
Matt..you're an honorable man to take charge of that three way. I have a whole new respect for you and for that...I tip an WIR to ya....
Happy Friday and have a GREAT wknd...
no, make that a bitchin wknd.
So, that three way...that would be a Matt "daddy" sandwich...lol
Well, if there happens to be an 'oops', then the blue ring will develop around your right leg. (Most public pools have that just to see who actually peed.) Interesting, huh? Thinking twice about it now, arenchya'???
;)
I appreciate that Jillie. I am just trying to do my part to make this world a better piece, er place. And yes, it would be a Matt-Daddy sandwich on rye!! Have a bitchin one yourself and Cheers!!
You may be able to kill my public pool peeing plans, but you'll never be able to quash my dreams of a Lebanese pool party, Deb. Wow many of those words started with "p". Cheers!!
Wow. Well I read everything but I don't remember anything. I was very distracted by your mascot at the top.
Badway
Wow. Waiter? I'll have what's he's having.....
Oooh... Friday 13th - I forgot about this! Thanks for the cool stream (as usual), my friend! Have a great we (*OFF* to smoke now)
Great Haiku! and thanks for the reminder to perform self breast exams.
Off to smoke with Sanni--I don't smoke but it seems like a fabulous fucking idea ;-p
That was one funny, sick, crazy post! Loved it!
OK, so let me get this straight...yesterday all my phobias were supposed to come out.. what, no I did not and I missed it?
There is a fear of vice presidents? they are talking about you What happened to the old white drunken poser Imus? Oh yeah right he wanted to make a joke and like normal it failed stop staring at me.
You and Schmoop are out eating Beyonce now? Or is it bacon?
That wrist and thumb problem sounds like something a bit more then flicking your bic...or is that what you call it now? I never named mine to be honest. damn was that a black cat?
If you want to help race relations, don;t shave your head...let it grow out like Don King and then you can shout "I AM THE GREATEST"
damn, was that a ladder?
Just came across the blog and I can officially say that I have been inspired. Threeways may be the only thing to save this country. As soon as I get more of the little blue pill, I’ll do my part!
Let me know how the circumcision reversal turns out. If it works I might use the same method to restore my virginity, then I'll change my name to Mary.
By the way WHAT are you smoking?
It is because I stream while sober that this post makes little sense. Cheers all and thanks for stopping by!!
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