It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so step on a crack while standing underneath a ladder because it’s Triskaidekaphobia Day!! Friday the 13th conjures up fear for some but I have no phobias. Well okay I have one. I suffer from Dickheadaphobia which is an irrational fear of Vice President Cheney. I think many would argue that my fear of him is quite rational.
In order to cash in on the Imus saga improve race relations in this country I am publicly volunteering to engage in a three way all weekend with Tyra Banks and Beyonce’. I know what you’re thinking, “Awww Matt, you’re such a giver.” Well thank you and it’s just all about putting other people’s needs before my own. Choo-Choo chugga chugga. I’m taking Schmoop out for breakfast tomorrow. I can’t wait to eat a pound o’ bacon. I still haven’t been able to find a doctor who will reverse my circumcision. Maybe I’ll try it myself by taking off some flesh from my ass with a potato peeler and super gluing the skin to my wee wee. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
My left wrist still hurts. I have a callous on my right thumb. It is due to frequently flicking my lighter in order to fire up a cigarette. I guess it is just one more reason to stop smoking, but I think I’ll just switch to using matches. Problem solved. Rock me Amadeus. I’m going to have my head shaved again this weekend. Maybe once it’s done I’ll put on a dress and see how it feels to be a nappy headed ho. Matt-Man: always willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Damn I really need to clip my toenails.
The weather has been really crappy. Rain, cold…I wish it would warm up so I could go outside and fish and get bitten by a mosquito infected with West Nile Virus. Holy crap a haiku just popped into my head:
Don said, “nappy ho” The basketball team cried foul Al Sharpton cashed in
Mooooooooooo. I want to go swimming. My love for swimming is exceeded only by my love of peeing in public pools. Stop that Corky. Smut!! I love smut and nothing but, hip hip hooray. Oh yeah definitely throwin’ on some Tom Lehrer later. I will certainly try to post pics of my shaved head unlike last time. Sui Generis…I love saying that and it describes me so well. Bring me the head of John the Baptist, if unable to do that, bring me a Big Mac…I’m starved!!
Well folks I’m off to see the Wizard. Have a great weekend; spend it offending someone you barely know. Until Monday,Cheers…
I am a big fan of Haiku, but I haven’t written any in awhile. Yesterday, I was reading Eyechan’s blog and saw that he had written one. It inspired me to do the same. The following haikus relate to Lent, Easter, and some happenings that will take place this March. Enjoy the seventeen syllable musings of the Matt-Man…
I long for burgers Rare, juicy, and topped with cheese Cows are delicious
Going to D.C. Nephew is getting married What is he thinking?
I hid eggs last year I could not find all of them The apartment stinks
On St. Patrick’s Day My brother will roast a bird Duck of the Irish
Far too many beans The gas is overwhelming Shell wants to drill me
March Madness begins Studly young men bounce their balls Trying hard to score
Easter will soon come Bunnies, candy, painted eggs Christ says, “What the fuck…?”
I hope to see all of you back here tomorrow for Stream of Consciousness Friday. Until then my fellow ruminators, best wishes andCheers!!
Another warmish Spring Friday here in lovely Bagwine, Ohio…
