It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiday so dip me in the Nile and call me Mattankhamen, The Bagwine Pharaoh. At long last we are going to be having a nice weekend weather wise…Sunny with temps in the low to mid 70s. Boo Yah baby, the crack peddlers and hookers will be having their Spring Sidewalk Sale!! Come along with me Lucille, in my merry Oldsmobile. I am getting a new computer and a digital camera this weekend so very soon you will be able to view actual footage of the disturbing world of Bagwine, Ohio. Man it will be so cool entering the 21st century.My son got hit in the rocks yesterday. It was the first time that had happened with any type of actual force. Some punk threw a basketball at him and it hit him square on the nuts. He told me he almost puked. Poor fellow…I think the saddest thing about this incident is that I realized that my 12 year old’s jewels are seeing more action than mine!! Well trust me, I will correct that this evening…Note to self: Pick up hand cream this afternoon. I got grumblings in my tummy and gas out my bummy, not good.
Ryno and I will be writing songs tomorrow as we jam on the new keyboard. There is definitely a father/son comedy act in the makings. I can see my kid singing my dance hit “The Resurrection” or “I’m A Nazarean Dandy”…I can also see his mom taking him from the stage, calling Children Services, and the Principal of his private Christian school barring me from the facilities…Fame is a fickle lady indeed. Hey, you could also dip me in the Nile as I wear a sexy low-cut tunic and call me Cleomattra!! So let it be written…so let it be done. Doink. Mukluk. Ding Dong.
Hey, if I take pics of me naked with my new camera and post them, my site would shoot to number 1 in the comedy category of the Bloggers Choice Awards…Brilliant. I like the Holiday Inn commercials. That is minimalist genius at its finest. I am getting a lot of email ads for penis enlargement products and I want to know which one of you is directing those my way. Some of you can be so very hurtful at times. Amy Robach is hot. Compendium….COMPENDIUM…I like saying that word; it sounds so robust and woody. Compendium, c’mon say it out loud. OUCH!! S.O.B!! I just bit my tongue…Bad compendium, Bad!!
I’d like to publicly thank Pastor Rod Parsley. I get many readers referred to this site when people Google his name. Thank you Oh Holy One!! What a putz…er, rich putz. If you want…to talk….like….Michael Caine…You can only say…a few words….at a time. Ka-BOOM!! Scientia Potesta Est. What did Roman farmers drink? Agri-Cola!! Who knew two years of Latin would be so useful? Did Roman doctors refer to IV’s as fours? A classic…Well folks I am outta here for now. Hopefully by Sunday night you will see a picture of me on my site. Sometime on Sunday may usher in a new era of Bagwine Ruminations…Bolder, Stronger, Faster…The Six Million Dollar Matt. La la la laaaaa la la la la la laaaaa la la…
Have a lovely weekend all spend it enjoying the warm weather…nekkid. Cheers!!
27 comments:
You are too twisted for color tv.
I guess that's why you're on the internet.
Agri-Cola made me snort. Guess those years of Latin did finally pay off.
cheers to you, you seem to be in fine form today.
Yay for a nice weekend weather - here, too, believe it or not.
I may have to try to remember how to start the lawnmower this weekend....
Sonofa! My deepest condolences to the your boy's twelve year old nuts. Whew. I've had experience with such horrific events. Poor kid.
Badway
Cheers to you Mo. I miss cutting grass, but at least I dont have to listen to the constant nagging about how crooked my lines are!!
Yes Nick, painful indeed. I crossed my legs when he told me. Which is pretty amazing given the fact that I was driving at the time. Cheers!!
Hey hey Cleomattra!!!
Poor lil Ryan!! Hope it doesn't change his pitch while he sings with ya!!!!
Isn't the sun nice?
Have a wonderful weekend Matt!!
Peace
(p.s. is it me or did you monkey shrink?)
Hiya Hiya Odat. I think his pitch is fine for now, and yes, my God it is nice to have the corpuscular beauty of that great yellow orb smiling down upon me. Yes my monkey shrunk; he was in the pool. Have a great one yourself, and cheers!!
Agri-cola. Classic Matt-Man. I love the IVs as "four" too. Don't know why.
Poor Ryno.
(Dang, this Michael Caine affliction must be seeping through cyberspace.)
Matt-Man on the weekend? Cool, baby!
Four in the vein...lol!
I just can't seem to start my day without a laugh from you...lol
You know...you could make Cleomattra one hot babe...now THAT is a picture I would love to see....
Oh it's going to be absolutely beautiful here too this weekend... Low 80's... wooooooooooo
Poor kid.... of course, I can't say I know how he feels because I don't... neither can I feel his pain.. LOL
Have a good weekend!
Songbird: I appreciate your concern for my future grandchildren. Maybe I will start holding Sunday Morning church services on my site. Cheers!!
Jillie: Why thank you very much!! I'll make sure to work on the Cleomattra look and post it when it looks "right". Cheers!!
Dixiechick: Dont worry I felt his pain enough for all of us. Have a good weekend yourself, try to behave and Cheers!!
OK, my legs crossed as I read about Ryno and I got that sharp pain in my lower belly... you know the one...
Glad you are having nice weather...beautiful here in Atlanta...
I hereby request a huge warning if there are any photos posted that contain more bare skin then what you have on your head....
6 Million isn't going to make you very fast or strong in this day and age...back in the 1970's you could get a whole bionic makeover for that, but inflation has hit.
Bond: Oh dear God yes I know that pain. Yikes!! And Vin, you know me well enough that a warning is so "un-me"...Just make sure you have a cane handy in case you open up my site one day and go blind!! Cheeers...
Raven: If you saw me playing Basketball with my kid the other night you would know that it would take very little to make an improvement on me. Shooting me would be an improvement. Have a good weekend!!
COMPENDIUM! that is a good word. sorry bout the tongue. have a good w'end:)
Anndi and Turnbaby have been telling me to come visit here and man, I should have listened to them long ago! Your freakin' hysterical!
As for the hand cream, careful using ones that smell - for instance if you get one that's strawberry smelling you'll be getting a woody every time you see or smell one....you get the picture? Then again, I get the feeling your not a novice....
oh and sorry about your son's jewels - I can't imagine (thank goodness)
Ha...Indeed it is Eyechan. Have a good one yourself and post some more eyeku!!
Well thanks Mary and thanks for the tip. Maybe I could get a hand cream that smells like cigarettes. That way, everytime I light up I can get off AND smoke at the same time rather than waiting to light up afterwards. My sons jewels thank you...er...you know what I mean. Cheers!!
Stick with 'Cleomattra' and you won't need the penis enlargement.
LOLOL at Mary--Snarky hoochie is in da house!!!
Have a great weekend sugar
Smooch
I'd like to see the treasures in your pyramid, Cleomattra! (Note to self: stop sending Matt penis enlargement ads. He not likey.)
TB: Thanks for referring her to the Bagwine digs. Are you saying that my asp is so small that I'd be better off as a woman?
Lizza: How I have missed you of late. Are you saying that you want to "see the junk in my trunk"? If you are sending those ads it can only mean one thing: You Want ME!! My prayers have been answered!! Cheers...
Let me me hear a "hell ya" for bow legged woman!
I'm impressed your son required a whole basketball to achieve said (although unfortunate) effect. Who does he get that from?
Perhaps you can get some lotion that smells like airplanes and get over your intense dislike of flying.. although.. we wouldn't want to ruin the manual arts for you...
peeep oOO!
Hey Mister! You're tossing around those random instructions like...wait...that's actually a good idea to have a lovely nekkid weekend.
OK - you get a pass this time.
You always crack me up. You are a great writer. Enjoy your weekend and I hope you get some action soon.
Is this enlarged Bratwurst your nose, oh Cleomattra?
Have fun with your hand cream =)
Wilt: Take it strong to the hole...
Anndi: My son may be...well I feel funny talking about his boys.
Cathy: What!!?
Travis: WELL, I do have my moments.
Sanni: My bratwurst thanks you, and I got Sanni flavored hand cream...
Carmen: Always nice to see ya. I hope things are well with ya, and thanks....
I said, "peep oOOOO"
It's what we say in England when we uncover a face that was hidden. It kind of loses something in the translation I guess.
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