It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so roll me in sugar and gobble me down like a glazed donut because I feel sweet and deep fried today. It’s been quite steamy here in Bagwine, Ohio and today Mother’s Nature moisture is gonna trigger some big thunderstorms. Poor Corky will be under the blankets shaking like the foundations of justice during the Paris Hilton debacle.Poor Paris…she had to spend nearly 72 hours in jail. She said that she didn’t like eating hot dogs. Hell, she never had a problem sucking them down when she wasn’t in jail. I guess the un-official official reason she was released, is because she was about to have a mental breakdown. My question is, how would you be able to tell? My bonny lies over the ocean, my bonny lies over the seaaaaa.
I have been remiss in reading some of your blogs and replying to your comments on mine. I apologize, but I have been spending a lot of time masturbating of late. Fortunately, my hands are calloused and my wanker looks like a gnarled Idaho Potato so I’ll refrain from said action and take time to catch up with all of you over the next couple of days.
I saw Ben Affleck on Hardball with Chris Matthews yesterday. I discovered that he is articulate, smart, and funny. He is just like me only he’s rich, successful, and good looking. Other than that, we could be twins. I guess President Bush missed a couple of meetings at the G-8 summit this morning due to a stomach ailment…now he knows how he makes many of us feel on a daily basis. Maybe it was an adverse reaction to the blow job he gave Putin….Ewwww that was a bit rude. I wonder if a person has ever had pet fleas and had a problem keeping dogs away from them? Duck duck goose.
I am going to clean the Bagwine digs today…I may do it in the nude, while listening to the soundtrack of South Pacific. Hell, I’ll throw on a blonde wig in order to capture that Mitzi Gaynor feel. Me, my feather duster, and singing along to “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair.” Brilliant!! Woo Hoo. I have an idea. Paris Hilton can remain free if Carrot Top is locked away permanently.
My gut tells me that Paris will be going back to jail sometime after today’s hearing. She’ll be alright because I know she is used to that in…out…in…out feeling. Damn it, I just made myself horny by typing that. Hell, I wouldn’t mind taggin Paris with my Idaho Potato, of course when we were done I would have a case of Potatoes Au’ Rotten…Cheese sauce anyone? I apologize. I finally got a bottle of Green Apple Wild Irish Rose. I’ll report back on the taste if I am able to. I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…What a painful tune to listen to. What’s for lunch?
What are you guys doing this weekend. Me? I have no idea. I may just revel in the fact that I’m goi---wow look at the size of that spider!! Freak me out. Well, I’m off to squash the juices out of this evil looking arachnid. Until next time, enjoy the weekend. Spend it in the arms of a stranger.
Cheers!!
29 comments:
Why am I not receiving condolences from anyone? Nice job babe.
Thanks Schmoop...You're not getting any condolences because Songbird is on vacation!!
Affleck is better at politics than acting. He should stick to that.
Speaking of sticky...masturbation is good for you.
And my condolences to schmoop... even though I am not sure why. But I didn't want schmoop feeling un-condolenced.
-N
Nat: Yeah Affleck is not the typical Hollywood babbling head. My hand is pretty talented. Schmoop needs condolences because unlike all of you, she spends every day living with my Stream of Consciousness. Sad really. Cheers!!
Matt~~ open a can of Spam next time you make yourself horney.. those gels it is surrounded by are a great lube. Matt doing show tunes,I'd pay money to see that..don't miss that web over there in the corner..hide all the evidence of spidercide. This weekend I'll be working but Sunday I start packing! I love Fridays... I get to pee a stream....
Paris Hilton in the cooler. And you know the problem with Paris being in prison, she’s surrounded by sex offenders; she’s surrounded by drug dealers; felons . . . you know, just like when she was on the outside.
All 10 Republican presidential candidates took part in the debate. Ten. Experts say it was like many of history’s classic debates, except with eight extra people.
An 18 year-old woman was arrested after spending the past eight months pretending to be a student at Stanford university and living in their dorms, even though she was not enrolled there. She pretended to be a student for eight months. Hey, that’s nothing. I pretended to be a student for four years!
During this last week's Democratic debate, all the candidates said if they were elected, they would get rid of the military’s "don’t ask, don’t tell policy” for gay soldiers. "Don’t ask, don’t tell” would be replaced by a new policy, 'Don’t tell me you’re wearing those boots with that gun.'
A lot people make fun of Los Angeles. They say it has no soul; we’re always in the tanning booth. Meanwhile, I don’t see any other city throwing Paris Hilton in jail.
They say she has three blankets, but no pillow. I actually feel a little bit bad for her, especially since I’ve stolen so many pillows from Hilton Hotels.
Earlier, Scooter Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison. Afterwards, Scooter said, "I just hope I have the chance to clear my incredibly stupid name."
Earlier was the season premier of "America’s Got Talent.” David Hasselhoff is one of the judges. Should David Hasselhoff really be judging other people’s talents? That’s like getting your hair cut by Donald Trump.
Angelina Jolie celebrated her 33rd birthday. Happy Birthday to Angelina Jolie. She adopted a cake.
After serving eight years in jail, assisted suicide doctor Jack Kenvorkian was on "Larry King Live.” When Kevorkian saw Larry King he said, "I swear, he was like that when I got here.
Lindsay Lohan out of rehab, then back in rehab. Lindsay Lohan’s 21st birthday party was going to be sponsored by a brand of vodka. If your birthday party is sponsored by a vodka company, perhaps you’re not taking the whole sobriety thing seriously. That’s like the NRA hosting Dick Cheney’s duck hunt.
Well being that you are an aquarian and I am an aquarian your stream of consciousness makes total sense to me. CarrotTop...in particular that demonically possessed picture of him freaked me out though. Between that and your comment in the post below about Paris Hiltons "emissions" I am scarred :P
I need coffee!!
Diddly, demented minds think alike. My post today is about a clown with orange hair. Gafigure. Afleck, he's a writer, man. He just didn't have the money to hire anyone to act in his screenplays, so he was the-man-by-default. Whew!
Bono. Rocks. Out.
Badway
Cheesy: Everytime you stream it is a golden shower of insightful information. But please...dont hassle the Hoff. I agree with you on Larry King. I think both he and Paul Harvey have been dead for years. I must be off, my feet are burning. What?
Starrlight: The picture of Carrot Top IS demonic. I didnt want to post it but it kept saying to me, "Upload me...UPLOAD ME" Cheers!!
Nick: I hate clowns, but as soon as I muster the courage, I'll be round to read your post. I bet Bono's mailbox looks funny. "B. Vox" Ha funny....Cheers!!
Hope all the fiddling made ya feel fine as wine......sounds like it did!! but Green Apple??? ewwwwww
Peace!
We're all out of strangers in this little town... which is a good thing as I still have that Husband guy to worry about.
I'm painting my house this weekend.
Get some pictures of the cleaning procedure...so I can show them the the man in my life. I don't mind if it takes nudity and a wig, so long as the laundry gets done.
I'll have a picture of the Green Apple for ya tomorrow Odat...Oh it's GREEN!! Wish my liver luck. Have a great weekend!!
Marilyn: Ha....Very Good. I bet most people think like you. If I do the laundry and clean the house weaing a skirt and a tiara, if it all gets done so be it. Cheers and have house painting fun.
I hope you at least wear that sexy coconut bra...singing I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...lol!
Yeah, Paris...is probably use to the all beef hot dogs not the generic ones. You know how those mainstream high classes bitches are...lmao!
HA...nice touch Jillie, Im off to the store for coconuts. As far as Paris, yes she is insignificant, but dammit let's see some equal justice under the law. Cheers!! And yes, she loves all dawgs!!...well if they have money.
I wonder if choking your chicken was a result of Paris and her love for hot dogs? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...A mental breakdown huh? I wonder if I can get benefits from that!
Deb you are a deviant so you MUST spend time in jail. What are you crazy? Cheers!!
I actually saw Ben Affleck on the last episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher." Always wondered how a smart guy like Matt Damon could be best friends with Ben, but after listening to him a few times on Bill's show, figured out he's an okay guy.
And he dumped JLo and went for the MUCH classier Jennifer Garner - so gotta give him props for that.
Mmmmmmmmm. Jennifer Garner. Cheers Tigger.
Paris, and spiders, and spuds...OH MY!!
Watch out Aisby, they may eat you up!!
Hi Matt-man, you and sarah silverman should do stand up together about Paris, boy did she nail her on the MTV awards!
my condolences Schmoop.
have a great weekend!
"""Don’t ask, don’t tell” would be replaced by a new policy, 'Don’t tell me you’re wearing those boots with that gun.'""
CHEESY!!! you kill me!!
Matty you type pretty well with sticky gnarled hands. You know you really should turn the Food Network off so you can get something else done ;-)
PS Wear Schmoop's robe, the coconut bra and blonde wig and pretend you're Britney Spears--Whoops i dusted again
Oh Lisa baby...I think Sarah Silverman is great. You just ingratiated me to you for all time. She 's a riot. Cheers!
TB; The house is clean I have a buzz, and all is right withe worls. Suck my coconuts darlin'. ; ) Bali Haiiiiiii
Those same T-Storms rolled through here today...
They say she freaked when she asked for an extra towel and one of the cellmates said "I'll lick you dry honey"
This sitting around the house is working against your groin...bwahahahahaha
Affleck is the brains of that operation...and his supplemental insurance is real helpful...
SEE, now I have to wash my brain of those visions of you in your living room....
Well we know she went screaming and crying, but she is cuddlin' with Josie right 'bout know...
Green Apple...OH Matt...Leaving Sunday for MN on biz...enjoy
Thanks for the giggles!
As always you made me laugh. I watched Matthews and Afflack. Couldn't help but wonder why Matthews was still on the air and Afflack was just the guest.
Bond: Leavin Sunday? Have a good trip. Dont trip up at the airport. Maybe I should pass on the apple and drink some port. Cheers!!
Travis: You're welcome...Have a good weekend.
Jamie: Thanks , and you're right. If I hadnt seen Affleck on the screen when flipping through tthe channels, I would have flip on passed Matthew's. He's annoying. CHeers!!
damn, i love that poem! (re: June 5)
i much prefer your quote to Lennon's.
in out feeling + Idaho potato = me laughing:)
scuze me, i've had my fill of sake tonight.
I feel deep fried today too!
It's because of this %&*$#@ heat.
Paris needs to get a grip on reality and have some sense smacked into her pretty little skinny rich girl face. I can't believe I just said that.
So if your dick is now a potato, does that mean it's no longer a ONE-eyed trouser snake? Cuz, y'know, potatoes have lots of eyes.
You could be a Dick-Tater!!
LOLOLOL!!!
Oh, the hilarity is just too much...
Eyechan enjoy the sake and I'll pass on your poem kudos to my dad. Cheers!!
Janna: It gives new meaning to "having eyes in the back of my head". Cheers!!
Post a Comment