Friday, June 15, 2007

Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so dip me in bacon grease and drop me into the Gaza Strip because those crazy Palestinians are at it again. I hear that Hamas has taken over control in Gaza replacing the government of the Palestinian Authority. One question….how can you tell? I mean does this mean that the rubble will be more or less and will their rock throwing and tunnel digging technology improve? What a freakin’ mess.

Bring me the head of John the Baptist. My legs are still killing me, but I do appreciate all of the concern some of you have shown me through your comments by calling me a big pussy…You are all so caring. Did Al Gore Jenna’s Bush?

I have an answer to the illegal Mexican immigration problem in America. Let’s just throw down the gauntlet and deport anyone whose last name ends in -ez, -a, or -o. Sure this may result in the inadvertent deportation of Italian-Americans, but is that such a bad thing? In one fell swoop we can rid our country not only of sweaty migrant tomato pickers and hotel maids, but we can also rid ourselves of disreputable spaghetti peddlers and organ grinders. This will allow the Irish in this country to hold a nationwide keg party and bingo game. Oh sure, the sphincter cinctured bible beating Anglo-Saxon evangelicals will raise Hell, but we can easily kick their ass…especially when we’re drunk. Boo Yah Pat Robertson and blow my rod. Man, I need to shave.

This week has been busy…I have been havin’ fun with my son. He better reward me when Father’s Day rolls around Sunday. Actually he has already rewarded me by being one helluva good kid. My left leg and ass cheek are still tight and sore as heck. I feel like Kaiser Wilhelm kicked me in the butt 73 times with an iron boot. Today could be a good one. I had a healthy and satisfying morning constitutional. I can dig that. I feel pretty.

My mind is swirling. Today is National Blood Donation day so give blood. Give extra because I can’t. I just figure if I give blood it may end up in the veins of a recovering alcoholic and just ruin his or her recovery process. Some people have O-Negative, some have O-Positive, mine is O-God!! I’m going to listen to Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris today. I’m going to Donkey Town.

We have had very little rain of late. The worst thing about this is that when the homeless piss down the roadside gutters it turns to steam before it reaches the drain. Holy Crap!! What a stench!! The urine cloud is a hue of gray/yellow and smells like a mix of ammonia and cheeseburgers that have cured in a dumpster. Whew!!

I just got a call from a friend of mine. He’s driving over from Columbus and gonna spend a few at the Bagwine Abode today. I haven’t taken a shower yet but that’s okay because he’s of Polish descent and is used to foul smells. (Warsaw ghetto , anyone?) Wow, could my post be more filled with ethnic stereotypes today?…Yes, it could, but that would disrupt the evenness of the post thereby pissing off the Dutch who like things to split evenly….Sorry Songbird.

Well folks, I must get ready for my buddy’s arrival. Enjoy your weekend and don’t forget to check back this weekend for some Father’s Day fun. To all of you Fathers out there, Happy Father’s Day and spend it having extra-marital sex. Until tomorrow, Cheers!!

18 comments:

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Bring me the head of Matt-Man...I'll show you disreputable spaghetti peddlers and organ grinders...and you didn't deport the last names that end with "I" so I am gonna be around to watch you piss in the gutter with the other homeless...

No really...look outside, that is Bruno and Guido...they want you to come out so they can play...they don't want to mess up Schmoop's apartment....

Schmoop said...

I though this might ellicit a response from you Bond...I am glad you will still be around, after all I will need someone to clean my pool...As far as Guido and Bruno I just bought them off with a lifetime of free calzones and Brazillian wax jobs...Cheers!!

Natalia said...

I should totally know what my blood type is but I have no idea. That's a sad realization.

-N

The Boy said...

There's a lot of Celtic spellings ending in -a and -o Mr Matt, whatch your law doesn't backfire. I will not spend the weekend having extra-marital sex as I intend to spend it having a lot of marital sex thank you.

Julie said...

*sits back and watches Vinny and Matt duke it out wondering just how close the Matt-man is to her*

YIKES!

Desert Songbird said...

I'm quite comfortable with an uneven split, ethnically speaking. I guess I've got enough Indonesian blood to beg for it all with on hand while cursing Americans with the other - booyah!

I wanna see a bitch-slap session between you and Vincente; hell, I'd even pay money to see that. Two of my favorite men in the blogosphere dukin' it out - heaven. A little pasta mixed with corned beef...

O positive, baby, and no, I can't donate. Someone else might throw a clot!

Cinnamon Girl said...

A positive and I gave last week. That is not a line I still have my heart sticker with the "be nice to me" on it.

And HEY! *I* was nice on my comment. Other than saying you look like an ex which is really ok since he is an ex I like and all. And I offered to share my T3's :P

Although I might need them tonight after the ex husband gets a load of Kidlets hair. I am taking her to a salon for Joss Stone fushia streaks. That should cause him to shit little green apples :P

Angell said...

I KNEW Bond was gonna have something to say about that. LMAO.

*sits back with Julie and hands her some popcorn*

So who's winning?

Julie said...

**enjoys popcorn with Angell giggling the day away**

Oh about that donating blood business....I wanted to when I didn't weigh enough and now that I can I'm chicken! "bach bach bach" Ummm the chicken sound y'all!

Unknown said...

I resent the racist remarks, Matt. After all, over the course of my life, I've discovered I've had a little Hispanic AND Italian in me.

Hey-OHHH!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

dadda bing Allie....

Songbird, Angell and Julie all watching us Matt-Man...maybe we should throw them in the jello, pour some WIR (NOT that green apple crap though) and watch them struggle about....

Anonymous said...

Mr. Bond
You are my ne hero!

Anonymous said...

Allie,
I'm Irish and Ridgerunner! Scary!

Schmoop said...

Bond, Allie , and Schmoop all of oy u need to have a little Irish in you....Any takers? and please say no Bond.

Julie said...

Hey Buddy Vinny? Dump me in a vat of WIR? WTF? I AM a wild part Irish Julie Rose!

Bwahahahahahaha!!!

Travis Cody said...

Alas, I cannot give blood and therefore have forgotten my blood type. It's in my medical records so I am not fussed by this.

Now there is an instruction here I can follow. I will be wallowing in extra-marital sex this weekend, when I'm not buying and hanging curtains.

Watch out for Bruno and Guido - brother Bubba lurks about and makes sure they don't stay bribed.

Cheers!

Schmoop said...

Julie: I knew it !! Cheers...

Travis: Curtain Hanging? You Rebel!!

Anndi said...

I may have to sit over in Matt's corner, it's in the Irish code.

Guido and Bruno are easy to pay off. I do feel sorry for the one having to wax them though, someone owed you big time if they're willing to do that...