Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiday so drop me into a bowl of gruel and call me Oliver Twist. My buddy Dave and I are gonna hit the lake and throw some worms into the water. We don’t call it fishing because we rarely catch anything. Man, I am so far behind on stuff. I wish there was a way that I could get rid of my waste without having to sit on the toilet; it takes too damn much time. I’ll look into developing a 24 hour adult dung diaper. Of course, it would have to be air conditioned and scented because it’s been pretty hot here. I’d better get used to hearing the phrase, “Matt-Man got back!!”

Larry King interviewed Paris Hilton. I couldn’t tell who was more vapid. I swear Larry died 10 years ago and what we are seeing is a holograph. I cant get past the white spittle on the corner’s of his mouth. He asked her what her favorite bible verse is. She said that she didn’t have one. I bet she does, and it’s the same as mine. It’s the passage about Lot’s daughters getting him hammered on wine and screwing his brains out. Incest is best, sayeth The Lord. When I think about you I touch myself, oooooo. My hands are a little shaky this morning, but it’s too early to drink wine, so hold on, while I go make a Bloody Mary.

Yum-Oh, Baby!! That hits the spot. I’m watching the Joe Scarborough morning show on MSNBC. He is one of the few Republicans that I find intentionaly amusing. He’s pretty funny so check him out weekdays 6-9 if you like morning news shows. Mika Brezinski is pretty hot too, and does a great job as well. But I digress….wait a minute, is it possible to digress while doing a stream of consciousness? Only The Shadow knows!!

I am developing a disturbing and unhealthy attraction toward Lola the Stick Figure ingénue. I had dream last night that her an I were doing the nasty underneath the Sharpie display at Office Max. I woke up to find that my “marker” had leaked all over my boxers….not good.

I guess Travis and Mo have a awarded me a Rockin’ Blogger Award. I appreciate it very much guys. I don’t think they would have given me the award if they knew how long it has been since I have “rocked”. Well, other than the aforementioned nocturnal emission with a stick figure. Is that sooo wong? Any way thanks again dudes. Poor President Bush took it on the chin on immigration yesterday. Buy your Jack Daniels now, because I see Dubya goin' on a big ol’ bender. Hell, maybe he would start making sense. WWJD? What Would Jenna Do? You know damn well what she would do. Hey Barkeep!!

Well Dave just called and the fishing has been postponed due to weather. I guess the worms are safe for now. It’s probably for the best because I’m on my third Bloody Mary, and I’m starting to get shit faced and horny. I would hate to get out to the lake and get caught in a compromising position with Dave, a bobber, and a dozen Canadian Nightcrawlers. I can see the newspaper headline now. “Dave, Matt, and What The Park Ranger Saw”…not good folks. I don’t think Schmoop would appreciate me making advances towards her brother. But I wouldn’t because I’m not gay(not there‘s anything wrong with that)…hell the way things have been going, I am an Inksexual!!

Well folks, I am off to read some blogs, link some blogs, drink another drink, and send my weekly e-mail to Bill O’Reilly advising him as to what a bloviating dickhead he is. I know, I know, he doesn’t care, but it makes me feel better. Have a great weekend spend it dipping your worm into a fertile fishin’ hole.

I’ll be posting a couple of cookout tips for you over the weekend. Until then, Cheers!!