Debate This!!

There was yet another Presedential debate yesterday. This one involved the Republicans talking mainly about economic matters. The questions revolved around Social Security, Health Insurance, Jobs, and even the war in Iraq.

As I watched and listened to the debate, (which by the way, resembled a group eulogy for the local Country Club golf pro) when the candidates answered a question the only thing I heard was, “blah, blah, blah”. I am sure that these debate topics are important, but for me, I want REAL answers to REAL questions.

With that in mind, I have come up with a list of questions that I would like to ask of the candidates of both parties. Following is a partial list of those very queries, and the candidates’ potential answers…

Matt-Man: Gov. Romney, there has been much talk that perhaps your Mormonism, and its history of polygamy may pose a problem for your chances of being elected President. How do you respond to that without alienating either your fellow Mormons or the evangelical Religious Right?

Romney: First of all, as a Christian, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and a cornerstone of marriage is that it is between one man, and one woman. However, in deference to my Mormon roots, when I win the nomination, I plan on having anywhere from 3-5 Vice Presidential running mates.


Matt-Man: Mayor Guiliani…Imagine yourself in a grocery store and upon checking out, you notice that the old lady in front of you in the Express Lane has 19 items rather than the allowable 15. How do you react?

Guiliani: First, I remind her that I was Mayor of NYC in the aftermath of 9-11 and I tell her that ever since 9-11 it is more important to follow the law. If that doesn’t work, I let her know that because of 9-11 I must get out of the store quickly in case there is another 9-11 type tragedy. I would then advise her that check out lines 9 and 11 are open. If all of those attempts fail, I would bitch slap her with a pint of Spumoni Ice Cream and call for the invasion of Iran.


Matt-Man: Senator Obama…Family Value issues seem to be very important to voters. With that being said, I ask you, do you and your family ever sit down together to a Sunday dinner of medium rare roast beef, mashed potatoes, and a crisp salad like most white families do? As a follow-up, do you celebrate Thanksgiving, and if so, do you Bar-B-Que your turkey? As a matter of full disclosure I want to let you know Senator and the audience as well, that this question was sent in by Bill O’Reilly.

Obama: That’s an interesting question, however I think the real issue is this. If my family did do that would American troops be any safer? Would I have still spoken out against the war in Iraq from the get go? Would I still lack substance yet remain dashingly charismatic? If I can still answer yes to those questions, then I have but one thing to say, “Pass me the roast beef, Matt-Man!!”

Well folks that’s it for today, but don’t worry, I will be posing hard hitting questions to all of the candidates. Until then, my fellow ruminators, Cheers!!

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