Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Roberts Couple: Son of Oral And Very Oral

"Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
--Matthew 7:15


Hop on your private jet Benny Hinn…Re-stock your climate controlled wine cellar Paul and Jan Crouch…Rod Parsley and Joyce Meyer, count your ill-gotten millions and relish the fact that instead of you and your phony ministries, the eyes of judgment are currently upon Richard and Lindsay Roberts.


For the last few years there has been plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth about the vast amounts of money that certain televangelists have made. The Roberts family, however, has managed to remain below the radar of hypocrisy. That has all changed now, and the son and daughter-in law of Redemption for Riches trailblazer, Oral Roberts, may be in a bit of hot Holy Water.

Richard Roberts, evangelist and President of Oral Roberts University, and his wife, who coincidentally sits upon the school’s Board of Regents, enjoy helping their daughters out, driving nice cars, wearing nice clothes, and are avid home remodelers and text messengers. They are in a sense much like you and I, only it has been alleged that they used University funds to pay for their frolicking and frockery.

It seems, that at University expense, the Roberts’ family has remodeled their home 11 times in the past 14 years, ordered teachers come to their home in order to do their daughters homework, and sent one daughter and her friends on a senior trip to the Bahamas at a cost of slightly over $29,000.00.

Maybe a nice home, and providing academic help and a well-deserved beachfront party to their daughters is the sign of good Christian parenting…I think some of the donors may think otherwise.

That aside, the allegations involving Lindsay Roberts are ones of immorality, wantonness, and perverted lust. And man, that turns me on. In addition to Lindsay allegedly spending 40K a year on clothes, she is also reported to have a penchant of biblical proportions for underage shepherd boys.

It appears that Lindsay “Lohan” Roberts would spend hundreds of University dollars a month sending text messages to underage males. The phones the boys were using were provided by the school as well. Ah yes, Lindsay Roberts…Adoring Wife, Selfless Evangelist, MILF.

I have consistently raised hell about these hypocritical charlatans such as the Roberts and others receiving cash from those of blind faith, but let me tell you something. If someone has a video of some young dude going down on Lindsay Roberts like a starving Hebrew slave on a piece of fattened calf, send me a copy and consider my love offering on the way.

I’ll pay extra if the kid is Pentecostal, because those sons-a-bitches are bat shit crazy. On second thought, forget my offer, because watching a video of sex with a minor is just as illegal as actually doing it. Isn’t it Mrs. Roberts…

Get to work Pastor Parsley and you other rat bastards, The Roberts’ are stealing your thunder…And Oral, good work dude, it’s obvious that the snake didn’t fall far from the tree.

Cheers!!

21 comments:

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I am NOT a minor and her text messages have given me hope in my life, so lay off bitch or the wrath of the almighty dollar-god with come down upon ye like the thunderbolts of yore...smything you to the ground and causing great physical discomfort on orifices you would rather not think about...

So sayith the Roberts boy-toy

Schmoop said...

Bond: You're really Pastor Rod Parsley aren't you?

Odat said...

"Oral is, is what oral does"....
Whatever that's supposed to mean...it just came out!
Peace

Anonymous said...

I can't comment. those young boys.....oh my! My favorite Asian food is 'Sum Yung Gai'

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

May they truly rot in hell....

I'll never forget the Jim Baker days... my dad had to elderly aunts who would send them the vast majority of their social security check. The would barely have enough left to buy food and pay their utility bills ... for what???

Oh I'm going to shut up now ... this really pisses me off ... makes my blood pressure go sky high...

Schmoop said...

108: I dont who that would be but if you find out, please dont let me know.

Odat: You sounded like Forest Gump just then.

Metalmom: Whore!!

Dixie: And you know what hell is dontcha? It is being forced to watch Rachel Ray and Dick Cheney do the lambada together 24/7...Naked!!

Marilyn said...

I sort of missed out on the whole oral roberts thing... being raised by an athiest. You know, I think more athiests should have kids. It's not that religion is evil... it's just that lots of the religious are.

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: Ha...Very well put!!

none said...

Pretty much anyone who makes millions off of religion by fleecing the followers is already a scumbag. Now they have to go and be perverts as well?

Desert Songbird said...

That Bond - he's two-timing me! Son of a bitch. I'm gonna KICK HIS ASS for this one.

Let me at him!

Schmoop said...

Hammer: At least perversion has some good comic value. Cheers!!

Lisa: If you get a chance, could you and I talk about my warped needs!!? Cheers.

Songbird: Have at him...

Unknown said...

Okay, I am absolutely LOVE this!! LOL

The bush is burning, baby, and the message from God is: "If thou dost love me, texteth like a perv."

Oh how I wish you had a cell phone...

Schmoop said...

Allie: In GAWD's name we pray for the flowing of the honey and the rise of the Obelisk AMEN!!

Anonymous said...

Matt...no one has called me whore since I left Catholic school....*sigh* thanks for the mammaries.

Schmoop said...

Wendz: Well maybe her "Godly" husband was coming up a little short with age and she needed to rediscover the blessing. Cheers!!

Metalmom: I am glad that I could take you back to your days of short plaid skirts and bloody knuckles. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

money and power. gets to everyone?

Schmoop said...

Katherine: Evidently it really gets to those who have God's ear and access to your elderly neighbor's bank account.

Yours in Christ,

Matt-Man

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

How am I two-timing Songbord when we had a three-some with Lindsey????????????????????????

Sparky Duck said...

Way Way too easy to make another Oral Roberts joke

RW said...

Lindsay Roberts is a MILF! "woohooo"

Schmoop said...

Bond: It was divine intervention...

Sparky: Yes, I know, but that would be beneath you.

Roger: Maybe if you are a 16 yr old boy who has never had sex. Cheers!!