Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so bring me some flour, eggs, and icing because I’m going to bake a cake and ask Lindsay Roberts to jump out of it at my son’s 13th Birthday party in two weeks. What better gift can a father give to his newly teenage son than sex AND salvation? Can I get an Amen, or in the words of Lindsay Roberts, an “Atta Boy!!” Bada Bing and woop woop woop.

I am making Hamburger Helper tonight. Is there anyone who doesn’t like Hamburger Helper? Not only is it dee-lish it’s a real colon cleanser. Speaking of which, my hemorrhoids are exploding today. It’s like Mr. Potato Head is lodged up my ass and his tongue is sticking out from between my cheeks in a mocking fashion. Woe is me.

Maybe if I had Pastor Rod Parsley send me one of his Miracle Healing Handkerchiefs, I could use it to wipe my ass and the pain would be cast from my nether regions and into the bowels of Hell…so to speak. Serendipitous…what a pleasant sounding word…Serendipi…c’mon say it with me…Serendipitous. Makes one feel better, no?

Fall has arrived in earnest here in Bagwine, Ohio. Monday it was 90 degrees, and last night the temp got down to 42. The frost is on the pumpkin; it’s time for dickie dunkin’. Shouldn’t Mr. Potato Head have more than two eyes? Shouldn’t he have, like 300? Just a little food for thought, or would that be thought for food? The coffee is tasting extra good this morning for some reason, maybe Juan Valdez put a little coca in it when I wasn’t looking.

Anthrax Coulter is at it again. She said on a talk show last night that “Jews need to be perfected” and that it is the job of Christians to help them. I don’t know about you, but I think that Ann Coulter giving tips to anyone on how to be perfect is like Dick Cheney giving tips on civility to the Dalai Lama.

Somebody needs to give Coulter the big salami, preferably a blind, deaf man in order to protect his sanity. I would do it myself, but I prefer to have sex with women.

My cat, Corky, got sick this morning. I don’t know if it was because there was a video of Bill O’Reilly on TV at the time, or the fact that I shared my blueberry and anchovy smoothie with her this morning. Don’t ya hate when someone puts an awful song in your head? I have one stuck in mine, but I will keep it to myself so as not to stick you with it. God, I am selfless.

Well guys, that’s it for this stream. Enjoy your weekend. Spend it listening to Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family singing, “A heartbeat, it's a love beat, And a love beat is a good vibration Oh, a heartbeat is a love beat And when we meet , it's a good sensation…” Sorry folks, misery loves company.

See ya ‘round this weekend, and Cheers!!