Richard Roberts Resigns...Lindsay Roberts Smoking Again...Oral Roberts Cussing In Tongues!!

As I sit here typing this at 7:08 A.M., dawn is breaking and there is a bright, corpulent moon flashing its alabaster smile down upon me... Another lovely Sunday morning in Bagwine, Ohio.

As today is our regularly scheduled Sunday Morning Church Disservice, I feel it only fitting to tie up the loose ends of the Richard Roberts and Lindsay Roberts affair. (Ed. Note: Should you really use “tie up” and “affair” when talking about the Roberts’?)

Another reason I need to speak once more about them, is because when I posted about them yesterday I had over 200 brand new, never before, visitors to my site. Bagwine Ruminations was also near the top of every search engine involving the names of the aforementioned Godly Duo. I would like to duplicate that!!

As a self-anointed and appointed man of God myself, I want to send a prayer to the Roberts family in hopes that one day they will rediscover that the road to redemption and eternal life need not be traveled while wearing a $295.00 pair of Bruno Magli Taraco Loafers or teen tempting fishnet stockings.

With that being said, let us bow our heads and pray…

Lord, forgive the Roberts for they know not what they do. Talk to Richard, seek him out, let him find solace in the fact that compared to Joyce Meyer, Rod Parsley and Paul and Jan Crouch, he hasn’t pilfered nearly the amount of souls and dollars that they have.

Holy Father, unless there is way for you to place Al Goldstein as head of the judges panel, tell Lindsay not to be upset or surprised when she fails to win this year’s Tulsa Area Youth Mentor of the Year Award. Amen, and Amen…

So let it be written, so let it be done. Now let us turn our attention to the Catholic Church.

"Blitzkrieg Benny" better known as Pope Benedict XVI has brought up 23 Archbishops from their minor league system to become Cardinals. The Catholic skipper claims these additions will add speed to the communion lines and bolster a suspect Papal Bull-pen. This is in addition to getting Jesus Christ back from his 6 month suspension for cruci-fixing games.

While the Vatican City Cardinals have added some strength, speed, and righteousness to their line-up, don’t overlook the fact that Satan has recently acquired Jerry Falwell and he will be inserting him into the clean-up spot for the Helltown Devils.

While the Cardinals and Devils seem loaded with talent, over in the Burning Bush League, the Jerusalem Slings continue their 40 year trek through the wildnerness in an ongoing attempt to finally find a replacement for Sandy Koufax. With all of this, the 2008 Battle between good and evil is shaping up to be a real Temple burner.

And so another Sunday Disservice comes to an end. I leave you with a couple of my favorite passages…

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”
--Matthew 7:15

“Beware of self-anointed televangelists who steal your money, while their wives are off diddling your 16 year old son.”
--Matt-Man 11:25

Enjoy your Sunday and Cheers!!

NOTE: Check out Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show tonight. For details, Click HERE.