It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiday so put a sledgehammer to my skull and start wailin’ away because my head is plugged up tighter than Rosie O’Donnell’s toilet after Thanksgiving dinner. Wow. My sinuses are shut solid, and I’ve got a massive cranial ache. Take me now Jesus.
Big news kids!! On Sunday, my local paper is going to publish a “cleaned-up” version of my rant (link here) about the Surgeon General saying that Santa needs to lose weight. Just think, 60,000 people or so will be reading the Matt-Man and engaging in a gang laugh. That makes me hot.
Laughter is my aphrodisiac. It turns me on, but ladies, when the laughter continues after I strip and hop into bed with you, that’s just flat out hurtful. Boogedy, boogedy, boggedy, let’s go a’ caroling!!
I have a couple of new songs in the works for You Tube prior to Christmas. Isn’t that exciting? Damn right it is. Hoochie-Mama, and pass the pimento cheese spread, because I really need to shave.
Mitt Romney gave a speech yesterday defending his religion and letting people know that he is indeed “Christian” enough to be the Republican nominee for Prez. I find it sad, and it even pisses me off that he needed to do this. Unfortunately, those Waitin’-for the-Rapture right wing Evangelical voters have doubts about his “Godliness” because he is Mormon.
Hey all of you Joyce Meyer, Rod Parsley, Creflo “Gimme Another” Dollar watchin’ mo-foes, I don’t care if the next President is a Christian, an Atheist, or a person that kneels down and prays to a jar full of Rick James’ urine. If he or she can move this country into a period of peace and prosperity I say, let it be so.
I have to go out this morning and the roads are a bit slick. My head feels a little better now, must have been the extra horseradish that I put into my second Bloody Mary. I can breathe a little better.
A couple more of these drinks and my sinuses will be clear and I’ll be ready to drive through the snow. Yeeeeeee Ha!! Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’. I have a craving for crab cakes.
She’s a super freak, super freak, and I’m Matt-Man bitch!! Big plans for the weekend? Me? Not really, but thanks for asking. Great googly moogly, I need to turn down the heat in here. I feel like I’m typing this from Auschwitz. Wheeeew, that’s better.
Well, with that, I guess my stream is over and my shower can begin. I am a mite dusty and musty. Enjoy your weekend. Spend it starting up a new religion by pissing in a mason jar.
Cheers!!
42 comments:
Your stream is strong today Matt!
Who's bright idea was it to release your humor on the masses?? Don't get too famous or the paparazzi will get you!!!
Happy Friday!
Ever so delightful this morning...great news on the rant being published....my local paper is to damn wishy washy to publish anything good.
How are the crab cakes in Ohio? I find seafood in WI not as tasty as I am sure it would be elsewhere, and definitely expensive.
Drive safe, bet you got the same sifting of white death we got over here.
As for the mason jar thing, I'll pass...Papa Bear would be so there though.
Your stream is infected!I hope you feel better soon!! Have a good weekend Matt!!
Enjoy yourself bitches, it's a celebration!
Metalmom: The force is with me today. I have a better chance of becoming infamous than famous. Cheers!!
Sassy: I was kinda surprised myself that they wanted to run it. The only good "seafood" around here Gortons and Mrs. Paul. Cheers!!
Roger: My head is slowly getting back to being 100% Whatever good that will do me. Cheers!!
Leighann: Damn straight, and everybody's coming. I'm Matt-Man Biotch!! Cheers!!
Sorry you are feeling bad. I can honestly say I know how you feel. You should be here in Tennessee. Ummmmm yesterday's Hi was 30 something, today in the mid 50's, tomorrow mid 60's and Sunday - Tuesday in the 70's. If that won't mess you up nothing will...
Congrats on your rant being published.
Have a great weekend!
SMOOCHES~
Dixie: Thank ya ma'am. Enjoy the weekend and the fluctuating temps. Cheers!!
Mmm mmmm...bloody marys and crab cakes..I'm on my way over!
We'll celebrate the Squeaky-cleaned up rant publishing! Congrats!
Real: You are welcome anytime. We can celebrate and eat crab cakes with our bare hands like the Vikings of yore. Cheers!!
I'm going to go stream into a jar just for you my friend. You may be the begining of a 'movement' here.
Jeff, you are a good man. Since my Bagorian Islam never caught on, maybe we could start a religion called "Pisstianity". Cheers!!
I'm going to start the "I Pee Freely" religion.
New converts are going to hate the baptism.....
Damn, I don't know how we'll keep the Golden Shower followers from getting re converted weekly, I'll have to work on the Dogma for that.
Have a great Weekend Matt! As usual, I'll be in the front row Bloody Mary in hand, for Sunday service.....
Laughter should be your medicine, it will help you feel better...oh wait that's like .....nevermind.
I love crabcakes....not crabs tho.
Congrats on your "piece"..gonna go to the link now.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Peace
If laughter is your aphrodisiac...then you totally turn me on....
WAY cool about the Santa rant (Santa-Ranta?) Mateo.
I think we should all fill up a jar and send it to Mateo...c'mon everyone...
Al: Pee away and get closer to the Almighty. I'll save you a pitcher of Bloody Marys and the front pew for ya. Have a good weekend yourself, and Cheers!!
Odat: The link is to my original post. If the paper's website has it online in a timely manner I'll link that on Sunday. My "piece" thanks you. Cheers!!
Kat: Knowing that you are initiating a urine drive on my behalf, makes me love you more. And thanks for your appreciation of my aphrodisiac. Cheers my friend!!
Actually, Katherine's comment is slightly bent from mine:
If laughter is your aphrodisiac, it's no wonder you're always horny. Don't people laugh at you...er, WITH you all the time?
Oh, and I forgot to mention - great news on your local spread.
Songbird: Of course I'm always horny which in turn makes me laugh, which feeds my horniness. A never-ending cycle of humor, horniness, and lack of gratification (other than self-gratification). Thanks for loving my "spread". Cheers!!
NICE. Matt-man in the paper, I like it! Ruby Tuesday has some of the best crab cakes I have EVER had. I kid you not.
Lisa: Oddly enough I won't be in the Comics section, but maybe someday Inky and Lola will be.
Ruby Tuesday has good crab cakes? I'll try that sometime.
I had a crab cake sandwich in D.C. back in March when I was there for a wedding. It was fan-damn-tastic. Have a good weekend Lisa. Cheers!!
If I hear laughter in my bedroom, I'm gonna leave and go live in my shrink's office!
I wonder how Mitney's church feels about him saying that their teachings will have absolutely no affect upon his decisions in the White House............if............he gets in. Let's hope not! Who knows, maybe he'll sign the polygamy bill! ha! ;)
Have a great weekend Matt!
Deb: If I hear laughter in your bedroom I'll consider myself one lucky guy!! I dont think polygamy should be punishable; having more than one spouse is punishment enough.
Cheers and I hope the new digs are working out well.
Can't I just piss on some televangelists and call that a religion?
Hammer: Ha. I like that alot. Cheers Hammer!!
I insist you scan the paper and post it when it comes out....excellent news...just think if only you were a real writer.... moogly googly to you also...If I fill a jar it might contain the stone i want to raffle off...so, would you return it if found?
Bond: I'll post it Bond and if your stone comes my way, I'll put it on a charm bracelet and send it to you. Cheers!!
Yay! Matt-man's gonna be rich and famous.
Marilyn: I honestly expect to be someday, and when I am, I won't forget ya. I'll send you a lifetime supply of Sharpies my friend. Cheers!!
Your posts are sick!!! Oh wait, I guess it's just you right now...
VE: Sick!!? Piss in a jar and repent!! Cheers!!
Can I hear an Amen? Preach it Matt-Man, preach it. :)
Sandee: And the congregation said Amen and pass the Bagwine. Cheers and have a good weekend.
Oh my! How did they run across your rant in the first place? This will be great for your minuscule ego!
Bwahahahaha!
Being overweight is almost compulsory at this time of year.
Cheers
This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.
Congrats on your publication, you horny toad.
God, Matt-Man I'm SO with you on this snot thing. My head is so stopped up, I feel like that lady on the commercial where her head keeps getting bigger and bigger. :(
I feel like shit warmed over.
Time to OD on sinus medicine. Have a lovely weekend.
CrAzY Working Mom
you had best scan it so we can see your article in print! enjoy your weekend too.
I hopped on over after your comment at VE's made me giggle and OH MY FREAKING GAWD my head exploded.
That was a whole lotta stuff for one post buddy. Do you do these brain dumps often? Cause I am thinking your head must be a freaky place to be.
And I am liking it. Gotta love me a blogger that is wackier than me.
magnetoboldtoo!
Julie: I sent it to them. I'm not above a little self-promotion. Cheers!!
Maddy: You're darn right it is. It comes once a year so pig out. Cheers, and thanks for stopping.
108: Thanks, you horny...um...toadess!?
CrAzY: I feel your pain. I find that bourbon goes very well with sinus meds. Cheers!!
Lisa: Hopefully I will have a link for ya Lisa. Have a good weekend and Cheers!!
Kelley: Sorry about the mess that I caused when your head exploded. I do this Stream of Consc. every Friday, and thanks for the kudos.
I'll be sure to stop over to see if I am in fact wackier than you. Thanks for stopping by and Cheers!!
Congrats on the newspaper deal.
I have a number of choice thoughts about religion and politics. But they are all offensive so I'll keep them to myself.
Cheers!
Travis: But I like to hear offensive things. Let em' out. Cheers!!
Post a Comment