Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiday so fire up the CD player, throw on some Christmas music, and pass me the Wild Irish Rose; I’m staying home all weekend because round two of the White Death is headed to Bagwine, Ohio tomorrow.

Over the course of the day tomorrow, we are supposed to get anywhere from 4-8 inches of snow as well as significant icing.

Dear God in heaven, the denizens of my town will be descending upon the grocery stores today like a pack of famished Wildebeests fighting over the last acre of the African savannah.

Winter weather around here brings the freaks out which in turn exacerbates my one phobic affliction:

Panphallusnogginphobia which is the fear and loathing of complete and utter dickheads. But I shall remained harbored safely in my digs sucking back some medication…My back is kinda stiff today, WTF?

My son’s team won their basketball game last night. He didn’t get to play, but the little shit still made me proud because every time his team scored he would stand up and clap. He is the ultimate team player, which for a seventh grade hormone machine is pretty damn good.

Speaking of sports, several big Major League Baseball players were outed yesterday as ones who used steroids…Not good.

I wish I had a steroid supply. I would use them, because after years of lack of sex, I have become complacent and my balls have swollen to the size of Bill O’Reilly’s head.

If I start taking steroids I would gain an attitude and my nuts would shrivel up to manageable dimensions. Put a corkscrew to my head and pull my brains out…lalalalala WHOOOOOSH!!

I had a good laugh this morning. I was sitting on the can cleansing my colon of last night’s Tony’s frozen pizza while reading an anthology of The Onion.

One of my horoscopes in the book, stated the following: “A mysterious portrait of you, painted by an acknowledged master, will increase in value as the years progress, while you remain worthless.” Ha, it’s probably effin’ accurate.

The Onion is a funny, funny site. I used to have a link to The Onion on my sidebar but it kept making my eyes water. I don’t think Dick Cheney likes Jell-O; he strikes me as more of a pudding person. I am making burgers tonight. I may stuff mine with Velveeta and green olives. How Yum-Oh is that?

If you listen to me on Turnbaby’s BlogTalk Radio Show (link here) Sunday evening, keep in mind, I will be speaking to you while wearing nothing but a Santa hat and a thin coating of olive oil on my nipples. Is that hot or what?

Well, I must be off. Enjoy your day and your weekend. Spend it listening to me and hearing the sound of balls shriveling.

Cheers!!