It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiiiiiiday so bring me a Vodka Martini and a bottle of aspirin because I have a hangover. Not an alcohol induced hangover, but a bad night of sleep hangover. I just didn’t sleep very well. I think it was due to the dream I had.
I dreamed that I was inside a coliseum made of ice and snow and was being chased by a Polar Bear. In the stands sat Santa Claus butt ass nekkid.
Two elves were rubbing his jolly jewels and stroking his Holiday hose while Santa laughed and devoured a huge slab of prime rib.
Just as the bear was about to eat me, I woke up because my cat, Corky, had hopped on me and landed right on my bladder. I peed all over myself, the couch, AND the cat. The couch is clean and I am clean, but the cat is still a mess.
I tried removing the effects of the urinary shower from her by rolling her in Baking Soda. The smell is gone but the Baking Soda is stuck to her like Super Glue. Poor Corky looks like a rabid, albino raccoon. She is displeased with me I think. It’s almost Christmas!!
I would like to wake up Christmas morning and find Tyra Banks and Jessica Alba naked and dripping in oil under my tree. Put me in between them and there you have it, a Matt-Man sandwich.
Tyra, Jessica, work me over so I can squirt some mayonnaise all over this yuletide feast. Clang, clang, clang went the trolley!!
My Christmas rebuttal ad towards Mike Huckabee has been viewed over 1,800 times over at You Tube. And the hateful and hurtful comments continue to be posted (link). I have learned my lesson. When using the Baby Jesus in a piece of satire, be prepared to be inundated by a whole lot of stupid.
Hell, if these same people really want to be offended they should watch my videos The Resurrection and Nazarean Dandy. Those two are sure to become Lenten classics. For those of you new to my site, I give up eating meat for the forty some days of Lent and tend to have severe hallucinations.
This past year, just prior to Easter, and the end of my meatless journey, I had such a hallucination. Jesus appeared to me and started telling me a joke about a priest, a rabbi, and the Olsen twins.
We started laughing our asses off. May not seem that funny, but as I was standing at the counter at McDonald’s trying to order a fish sandwich when this happened…it’s a bit odd.
Britney Spears’ 16 year old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant. Pro-Life advocates everywhere are probably questioning their position on abortion, while Pro-Choice advocates are saying, “There’s still time…” Boom chocka locka…Boom chocka locka.
My stream has run dry for today. Enjoy your weekend, spend it eating a Quarter Pounder Value Meal with the Almighty.
Cheers!!
39 comments:
What a horrible nightmare lol! I remember you giving up meat for lent glad I am not doing that! I have to have my bacon in the morning! Have a great weekend Matt!!
So, was this a "STREAMING OF URINE FRIDAY" POST????
Roger: Mmmmmmmmm bacon. Have a good one too, Roger. Cheers!!
Bond: Ha...Yes, I guess it was. Cheers Vinny!!
Now I have that image of Santa in my head! THANKS ALOT!!!
Metalmom: I like to help out when I can. Cheers!!
Ah! And they say that homosexuals are perverts! (hehe) My hetero friend, we have something very much in common (except for your dream of course), and that being, Jessica Alba oiled up under the tree.
I'm concerned with your bladder control my friend. I hope the elves are doing their job fer ya! ;)
Merry Christmas!
(Think of it in a positive light, at least it was urine and not one of those "colon explosions" as you've mentioned in your video!) LOL!
CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had such a wonderful time reading the "Christian" comments on You Tube! They continue to be a bright spot in my holiday celebrations!!
Oh, and try tomato juice on your cat, but give her a shot of vodka before you start.
Deb: No kidding...Jessica under the tree would be Heaven on Earth. And yes, the silver lining in this is that it wasn't a colon explosion. Merry Christmas Deb, and Cheers!!
Dana: Yeah, they have been keeping me hopping trying to respond to their "love".
Tomato Juice, Vodka, and Cat... Screw cleaning her up, that sounds like a delicious dinner. I'll take pictures. Cheers!!
Can't I have a WHOPPER instead? Afterall, size DOES matter! ;)
Leighann: Sure, but a WHOPPER is all bun and topping and very little meat. It's akin to a guy stuffing socks into his crotch. Not that I would know about that. Cheers!!
Does Santa have a cute butt? I hear he does.
Peace
If the bear in your dream is bi-polar you may not want to bend over in front of it. Could get ugly.
Way to burst my bubble man!
Odat: I don't know if I would call it cute, but I do know that he likes to spanked because his ass cheeks were redder than the cheeks on his face. Cheers!!
Jeff: Yikes, Bare Ass Sex. Not good. Cheers!!
Leighann: Sorry, just keepin' it real on the topic of filler. Cheers!!
OMG Matt the people who don't get it are funny! I left you a happy comment and a 5 star plug. Love that vid. I am sharing it :P
Poor Poor Matt~~ See? You SHOULD have come over for blasphamous Choco~tinis last night, you would have slept like a baby!!!
I'm sending you an e-mail to help rid the vision of nekkid Santa...Just being a helper bee~~~
Starr: Good to see you back. Thanks for the comment. I'll check it out soon, and share away. Cheers Baby!!
Cheeys: Choco-tinis. I told you that that is blasphemous. I'll check out your "helpfulness" shortly. Cheers!!
Sorry Dude....Jessica's under my tree drippin' honey. Maybe next year. I booked early.
Merry Holidays!
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
but whips and chains excite me.
Real: Ooooooo baby, as soon as I have my sex change I'll be right over. Cheers!!
Weird dreams—and since every character appearing in a dream is supposedly a representation of the dreamer, what do those dreams say about you, my dear Matt-Man?
Pleasant dreaming!
Martinis are made with Gin.
Tyra/Mateo/Jessica...is that a loosemeat sandwich?
Some of those Christians I'd like to feed to the lions...
enjoy your weekend!
Jessica Alba...rooty-toot-toot!
I would suggest to you that Corky deserved her shower as proper recompense for jumping on the bladder...but my cat Mr Tucker is looking over my shoulder, claws extended.
Cheers my good man!
Nick: I guess that makes me an elf that enjoys masturbation and good beef. Cheers Mr. Nick!!
Travis: Tell Mr. Tucker that jumping on another's bladder is NEVER acceptable...feline or not. Cheers!!
Kat: Gin sucks...Vodka is bee-yoo-tee-ful. A Loosemeat Sandwich? No. With my age and sexual prowess it's more like a "Oh How I Wishbone" Sandwich. Cheers!!
Your dream has me shouting, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???"
Mmmmm.... Tyra. Jessica Alba gives me the creeps ever since I saw Honey.
I lov mayonaisse.
108: Ha, it was a bit entertaining. Mmmmmmm Tyra, but c'mon, Jessica is HAWT!! Sending a jar of my special mayonaisse your way. Cheers Kyra!!
I come and read your stream... (some read tea leaves...) and I know:
all is right with the world.
No wait... I misread. It said:
Bend your knees and keep load close.
HUH?
Anndi: All is right with the world because, Santa is naked and I'm horny...wait...um...something like that. Cheers!!!
Your video...OMG...NSFW! Okay, it was safe for me, since I'm the boss....OMG! It was PRICELESS! (Living in the Huckabee home state - let me tell ya, he hasn't done much good here!) LOVE IT!
Way to leave a dreadful image in a gal's mind of Santa, always knew he was a perv.
Thinking should I spoil this for you....Miss Alba is pregnant too, but I'll see if I can send her over in my socks as you requested.
You have to fight RLL though, that's betwixt you and her.
Tigger: Thanks for watching and Have a Very Merry Christmas. In my opinion, Huckabee seems nice enough but he shouldn't be President. Cheers dear, be safe and have fun.
Sassy: Yes, I know Jessica is pregnant, but even so, she's still hot. And as far as RLL goes, I still wanna wrestle with her. Cheers Dear!!
Sorry I'm late to the party. Just got home from another trip to the ER. Not to worry - I'm fine now.
I'd laugh or give you a quick quip, but I'm still tired.
Going back to bed now...
Songbird: Hope you're alright honey. Call me if ya want. Cheers Dear!!
You are certifiable.
But in a good way.
Mimi: Yay!!! I got a certificate. Cheers!!!
What a dream. I'll bet it was in vivid color too. I went over to see all the remarks left on you vid. People need to get a sense of humor. Geez! Have a great day. :)
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