Monday, February 18, 2008

Presidents Day: Let's Put on the Oval Office Feedbag

I hope all of you had an enjoyable weekend. Mine was lovely and it continues today.

I will be spending much of the day with Ryno who is out of school in honor of Presidents’ Day.

Before I go over to his house and get my butt kicked in his video game of choice, I thought I should provide a tribute to the great men who have led our nation.

What better way to laud our Presidents than to create an Executive Office restaurant with a full menu of culinary delights in their honor…

Ready for breakfast? How about trying an Abraham and Cheese Omelet? Instead of eating it along with boring slices of toast, try our Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy Bread.


If you phone ahead, you can even reserve the coveted John Wilkes Booth.

Eggs not your first choice? Perhaps you are more of a pancake and sausage kind of person, and prefer JFK to Honest Abe. No problem...


Order a delicious plate full of our Bay of Pigs in a Blanket. The cakes are fluffy and the sausage has a hint of Cuban spices. Bueno!!

You can always stop by for lunch as well.

If you like a good hamburger try our Cow-Vin Coolidge Burger. We cook the beef until well done so the meat doesn’t make a sound. Silent Cal would have it no other way.

A well made Club Sandwich is increasingly hard to find, but not at our place. We use three layers of the best turkey, ham, roast beef, and the freshest tomato and lettuce in ours.


This is a giant sandwich inspired by a giant in American Politics, FDR.

Order this, and the only thing your hunger will fear will be the deliciousness of our Cripple-Decker Club.

Maybe you’d like to nosh on a few appetizers. We got ’em. Try our Teddy Roosevelt inspired Speak Softly and Carry a Big Fried Cheese on a Stick.

Another popular snack is our William McKinley Buffalo Wings. These are simply to die for. (You may need to Google that reference, sorry.)

We have plenty of dinner options from which to choose as well. One popular dish is our Chester A. Arthur Mutton Chops. These mutton chops are big and delicious just like Chester’s, minus the hair.



Not a glutton for mutton?

A rising star on our dinner menu is the other white meat in the form of our uber-juicy James K. Polk Chops.

They are butterflied and stuffed with spinach, bleu cheese, and seasoned with copious amounts of obscurity. Who knew that our eleventh President tasted so good!?

We also offer tribute to our current White House Wizard, George W. Bush. For a big Texas-Sized appetite try our Iraq of Lamb. Upon trying this dish, President Bush said, “Dang, these is some good.” A word of warning about this dish…

It is so good that once you start eating you may never go home. It’s also pretty pricey so you may want to bring along a Chinese friend and have him foot the bill.

Well there you have it, a menu fit for a President. I think I’ll celebrate it by having a cocktail before I go over to see Ryno.


I’ll mix some blue vodka, a splash of sweet, charming Vermouth, and a shot of ego…

I love a good Bill Clintini in the morning. Happy Presidents Day!!



Cheers!!

42 comments:

RW said...

I will be spending the day "WORKING" but a Happy Presidents day to you & Ryno, Don't let him whip ya to badly in the video games, I mean what did we grow up with Atari Pong! Have a good one!!

Schmoop said...

Roger: Have a good day, but my video game ass whipping is inevitable. Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Have another wonderful day with Ryno...Having spent yesterday with Matt, I envy you that you are still close enough in distance to have this opportunity...Interesting menu...for a special, would you not think about serving "Andrew Jackson - Old Hickory Smoked Boston Butt" or putting bowls of "Howard 'Laffy' Taft'y'" on the tables as a sweet?

Dana said...

If you like a good hamburger try our Cow-Vin Coolidge Burger

BWAHAHAHA! I just love it when you tickle me on a Monday morning!

Schmoop said...

Bond: Since Jackson was from Tennessee, perhaps an Old Hickory Smoked Possum dish would be in order. Continueed safe travels to you. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Dana: Ha...Glad to hear it. I just wish I was there to tickle you in person. Cheers Dana!!

Doc said...

I want the Clinton blue dress (plate) special... I hear the special sauce is the real deal....

Odat said...

So you're having meat hallucinations again?????

Have fun with the Ryno!

Peace

Cheesy said...

LOL @ Doc....
I'll have a plate of Bay of Pigs-ina-Blanket please!

Schmoop said...

Doc: The best thing is that that dish would be kosher and able to be enjoyed by Jew and Gentile alike. Cheers!!

Odat: Not yet, but I can sense some disturbing beef visions coming on. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: That dish would help you to feel better. Cheers Cheesy!!

Unknown said...

Placing my order...
Teddy Roosevelt inspired Speak Softly and Carry a Big Fried Cheese on a Stick.
I would like these delivered at noon, piping hot with a side of McKinley Marinara sauce.
Better add a couple of Cripple-Decker Clubs for the kids, and slip me a Bill Clintini, to warm my soul.
Do you deliver yourself?

Schmoop said...

Mama: I have received your Executive Order and will deliver it as scheduled.

I will even throw in a free dessert: Andrew Johnson Impeachment Cobbler. Cheers!!

Jay said...

You could add a William Henry Harrison special. Anyone who eats it will drop dead only 31 days after inauguration. Of course that probably hurts repeat business.

Okay, how bout some JFK Boston Clam Chowder. It was Marilyn Monroe's favorite meal. ;-)

Schmoop said...

Jay: What deep darkness within you, compels you to want to kill off my customers?

I heard that JFK really Came-a-Lot. Cheers!!

Mo and The Purries said...

Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy Bread & Iraq of Lamb = instant Bagwine Classics, right up there with Crucifixions.

Have a great day with Ryno!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Happy Prez' day!

You are just too damn funny!

Ed & Jeanne said...

Hah. Good ones. Wait...cripple-decker? I'm calling up one of those handicapped groups on you; that's not PC! Oh, and at first I thought that you used the C word on that drink. I figured Jane must have been over at the house and you guys had a few too many of those drinks and the verbage changed a little...

Desert Songbird said...

It would appear that the abscess has had no lingering ill effects on you, me darlin'.

The Ferryman said...

I am infused with a sudden burst of patriotism!

You can Call me AL said...

I'll have the mutton with a side of Bufflalo Wings. To drink I'll have to go for the Bandy Alexander.

Marilyn said...

That was one of your best. I'll have the Mary Todd Lincoln Crazy bread.

Schmoop said...

Mo: For some reason my brand of humor works well with food. Cheers!!

Real: Same to you and Thanks. Cheers!!

VE: It felt so liberating using the non-PC word, "cripple." Cheers my good man!!

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Well thanks...I feel that a comedic roll is on the way. Hope you are well. Cheers!!

Fab: You are certainly infused with something but I'm not sure it is Patriotism. Cheers!!

Al: You do love the meat, eh? A Brandy Alexander Haig it is. After all, he tohought hewas the Prez. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: Thanks...I've always had you pegged as a Crazy Bread kinda woman. Cheers!!

Lex Valentine said...

I was supposed to be off, but one of my servers decided to take a holiday so I had to go in and press it back into service...

I don't know which of the menu items I think is funnier. They all had be LOL-ing. Okay. I know what I want, but it ain't on the menu: Jimmy Carter Peanut Butter and Mondale Jelly Sandwich.

Happy Prez Day Matt!

Liz Hill said...

I'd like to reserve the John Wilkes Booth please....I'll have the Cripple Decker Club with a Clintini....oh and a cigar for later ;-)

Schmoop said...

Winter: Sorry to hear that. Wow, a Carter/Mondale order...We don't get many requests for that. Cheers Winter!!

TB: Make sure you wear your blue dress so I can see you and seat you promptly. Cheers!!

the Book of Keira said...

You have made me extremely hungry!

Schmoop said...

108: You make me hungry everytime you comment. Cheers Kyra!!

Sandee said...

I'll try all of it except for the hairy mutton chops. That kind of made me sick. Excellent post to celebrate the holiday. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)

Schmoop said...

Sandee: Have a great day as well and Cheers!!

Travis Cody said...

Great menu! But I didn't see any dessert tray.

Perhaps a George Washington Cherry Pie or maybe a James Madison snack CAKE.

Schmoop said...

Travis: Andrew Johnson Impeachment Cobbler...Cheers!!

leelee said...

too funny, I don't know which pres I'd like to eat first.....wait that didn't come out right.

Great post...still gigglin'

James K. Polk Chops and Iraq of lamb...fantastic.

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked the Presidential Buffet. Hail to the Chef. Cheers!!

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

:-( I had to work today...I'm tired... going to bed.

SMOOCHES~

Schmoop said...

Dixie: Sweet Dreams. Cheers Dixie!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

You serve a nice Cuban with that Clintini?

none said...

Just stay away from Clinton's famous cream gravy. ;)

Lex Valentine said...

I have to say Matt, you have the best commenters on the net. The comments are just as funny as your blog posts. It's awesome.

As for work... an hour of OT never hurt my wallet.

Schmoop said...

Starrlight: Ya can't have one without the other. Cheers!!

HAmmer: Thanks...I just urpped a little bit. Cheers!!

Winter: I have always said that about the commenters here myself. They are a great bunch, of which I am happy to have you among them. Cheers!!