I feel like a King who just got his wish...We are actually going to get above the freezing mark today when we top out at a whoppingly warm 34 Degrees.
Pass me my Holy Shorts and fire up the grill, Amen.
I would look good in my shorts by the way, because after a mere 18 days of meatlessness, I have lost 7 pounds.
I am now a stunningly sexy 6 foot tall 194 pound loooove machine, and I won’t work for nobody but you.
And listen up my fellow parishioners, the balmy weather and weight loss isn’t the only excitement going on in our town…
Bill Clinton is a-comin’ to our fair burg. That’s right, at nine o’clock this evening, the 62,000 denizens of Bagwine, Ohio will be treated to a Presidential pop-in.
He was here in 1992, and I went to see him that time. I don’t think I can go to see the big guy tonight.
The event is being held at the relatively new and expansive Bagwine YMCA. My body shudders, I break out in hives, and become nauseas whenever I get within 200 feet of any type of exercise equipment.
I’d rather not appear on TV lying on the floor in a puddle of anxiety goo…sobbing. I’ll leave the spotlight to shine on Billy Boy.
I do have other things to occupy my Sabbath. I am going to go over to Schmoop’s Mom’s house and pick up the purse she left there yesterday.
I am then going to go see Ryno again for a few, and when I get back to the digs, I am putting my meatless vow on the line.
Poor Schmoop is suffering from the monthly menstrual curse brought on by that selfish, insatiable Eve chick.
Because The Schmoopster's basement is flooding and she feels under the weather, I am going to prepare fresh, handmade Bagwine Burgers for her.
Why would I torture myself like that?
Because…I’m Matt-Man, bitch, and for those I love, and with whom I still maintain a slight chance of having sex, I go that extra mile...
Physically, Spiritually, and Culinarily. Take that Satan.
And now, let us bow our heads and pray…
Holy Father, as I work my meat in the kitchen today, give me the strength to avoid temptation by keeping my meat from passing across my lips.
Almighty Claymation Director, I hear that Ralph Nader is going to be on Meet The Press this morning.
Help him to realize that running for President AGAIN may feed his fragile ego, but most prefer him to get drunk, hop into a Corvair, and crash into a telephone pole.
Lastly O’ Great Googly Moogly of Machinations, there are only five days left in Black History Month. Help me to become part of Black History by allowing me to have sex with Tyra Banks before month’s end.
To all of this, Lord Hear Our Prayer…
Amen, and Amen.
Speaking of my Tyra Banks dreams…Today’s Sunday Serenade comes to us courtesy of The Cranberries. Headed by the Emerald Isle lovely, Dolores O’Riordan enjoy their song, Dreams.
Cheers!!
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26 comments:
My 12 year old son says that same Tyra Banks prayer, but not just for Black History month!
Dana: Your son sounds as though he is wise beyond his years. Cheers!!
O’ Great Googly Moogly of Machinations
You've still got it, oh Meatless Wonder.
Have a great Sunday. And try not play with your meat too much.
Songbird: Ha. Thanks dear. I liked that one as well. Have a good one yourself and I hope the little one's B-Day party went well. Cheers!!
You are a wonderful significant other to make hamburgers for you loved one... you could make turkeyburgers. Is turkey meat?
I'd like to see you try to pass your meat over your lips...
The best meat is the one not handled too much!
Too much handling causes it to lose some of its juicy goodness.
Billy or the Oscars, Billy or the Oscars, such a tough choice of arrogance there.
Having grown up in Arkansas I've pretty much seen Bill enough times for one lifetime. I mean, I still love him, I've just seen enough of him. ;-)
I'll NEVER see enough of Tyra Banks though.
Hope your Tyra dreams come true....love that song btw.
Peace
I am now a stunningly sexy 6 foot tall 194 pound loooove machine, and I won’t work for nobody but you.
That's hot....and speaking of hot. 87 here in sunny SoFla.
Bring Schmoop over and we'll have Bagwine burgers poolside. c'mon it'll be fun..oh and bring your swimsuits..the pool is so refreshing.
We can grill you up a nice piece of fish...Game? well come on down!
Yeah Okay, now you're leaving your purse everywhere! Lent is getting to you...Hang in there Matt-Man!
Matt..try this:
Morningstar Farms Tomato & Basil Pizza Burger
I had one for lunch, they are really good....no kidding!
Teach: I am selfless aren't I? Cheers!!
Metalmom: I have heard that. And yet I still have a habit of over handling mine. Cheers!!
Sparky: Yeah, that is a toguh one. I think I'll pass on both. Cheers!!
Jay: Tyra isn't the brightest person in the world, but I am more than willing to over look that. Purrrrr. Cheers!!
Odat: Thanks for wishing me a Tyra filled life...Yeah it is a good tune. Cheers!!
Leelee: The hotter the better. We may be down, and I promise not to pee in your pool. Cheers!!
Al: I hate it when I leave my Man-Bag somewhere. It is so inconvenient. Cheers!!
Leelee: I trust your judgement, but I vowed not to partake of fake meat as well. Have another one on my behalf. Cheers!!
As you work your meat in the kitchen today...So that's the extra sauce. Bwahahahaha. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)
Sandee: It wouldn't be a "Big Matt" without the special suace. Cheers!!
It would almost seem that the Best Song Oscars are singing a paean to the nobility of your day
Happy Working Song - Burgers
Raise It Up - Sex?
So Close - Not tonight dear
That's How You Know - Darn
Falling Softly - Oh Well
Have a great Sunday and stay in good with the great googly moogly
Your righteousness and selflessness is to be admired.
Well, I'll admire it if you manage not to shovel one of those Matt-burgers down your neck tonight.
Cheers and Happy Sunday!
Um...I can use a Matt-Man burger. Do they ship to NJ?
Ohhhh... you are so selfless!!! That´s why your Tyra Dreams might come true *g*
Hope you don´t mind I´ve included your Stream of Reality Friiiiiiday into my Sunday Suggestions -
Happy weekend!
♥
Jamie: I have Oscar written all over me don't I? Cheers my friend!!
Travis: I have made them up prior to cooking, and I can report that all is still chaste as far as my lips and meat go. Cheers!!
Karen: Say the word, and I'll bring them out to you personally. Cheers!!
Sanni: You my lovely woman, can use me anyway you want to. Over, and Over and Over again. Cheers!!
Googly Moogly. Heh. That was prime. Working your meat is prime too. If I was there, I would get Googly Eyed. BTW, I was listening to the Cranberries right before I came by to read your post. Now, isn't that a strange co-inky-dink?
Winter: Ooooo baby A-1 Prime idea. That is a coincidence. Oooo Weeee Oooooo. Cheers!!
whaat? you didn't go back and wax your ex's freshly scrubbed floors?
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