Happy Super Tuesday to all of you, especially to those of you who will be voting in your state’s primary or caucus today. I say to those of you who will be voting today, “Choose, but choose wisely.”
Not only is it Super Tuesday, it is also Mardi Gras…Fat Tuesday…or as I refer to it as “The Last Chance I Have To Eat Fucking Meat Before I Give It Up For 46 Days Starting Tomorrow Day”.
This is the third year in a row that I am giving up meat for Lent. The funny thing is that I am not even a practicing Catholic anymore.
I guess you can take the boy out of the Catholic Church, but you can’t take the Catholic Church out of the boy.
Or to put it another way…You can take the boy out of Father O’Malley’s classroom, but you can’t take Father O’Malley out of the boy. Or something like that. Praise Jeebus!!
I warn you now, during this extended period of meatlessness, I am subjected to some very disturbing hallucinations. You may want to just peek at my posts prior to reading them.
Also, I will be offering you a pictorial look at what I am eating for dinner along the way. Trust me, I put together some very
Bagwine Ruminations, continuing to provide nothing other than top notch entertainment.
Now let’s go back to this Super Tuesday thing. There will be voting taking place in over 20 states today. Unfortunately, here in Ohio, we don’t vote until March 4th. Anyway, when you go to the polls keep in mind that you help to determine this nation’s future…
Search your soul. Listen to your heart. Do your research. And when you are ready to cast your vote, remember the following:
Mike Huckabee would provide plenty of divinely inspired humor for me if elected. And Hillary?
Wow…The posts I could write if she is elected, and Bill is roaming the White House in a T-Shirt and sweat pants while gnawing on hot wings and swilling back Moosehead beer. Boy Howdy!!
Once again, I am here to help, and I offer you a Super Tuesday Haiku as well:
It’s Super Tuesday
Enter the polls, cast your vote
Walk away, weeping.
Tomorrow I will be answering a couple more of the questions that you have put forth to me in regards to where I, your future President, stand on the important issues of the day.
Before I go however, I would like to say this…
I want to thank you all for the comments of support and inspiring emails I received yesterday in regards to Schmoop’s addiction.
I for one, have never been referred to as a “sick bastard”, “son of a bitch”, and “a complete and utter dickhead” with such warmth.
You guys are the best. Until tomorrow…
Cheers!!
58 comments:
Before you vote, carefully consider the candidate that is being supported by most of the media. These are the wonderful prognosticators who:
Sold everyone on the romance of a son stepping into his father's shoes, to bring "dignity back to the White House,"
"Allowed the Bush Administration manipulate us headlong into Iraq,
and now
Bring us the Hope(tm) and Change(tm) inevitability of MObamarama, who after all, isn't a man, but a movement?"
Jamie: Are you saying that the media biased!? I'm SHOCKED!! I think they play it straight down the middle. Cheers!!
(This Comment Brought To You By, The Alliance of 24 Hour Cable News Outlets)
Well sweets I don't get to cast my vote till April... so I have plenty of time to push the Bagwine Wagon!
I remember when you went threw that bazaar ritual last year, all I can say is "Where's The Beef" must be a favorite saying among your folk...good luck Matt, ya did it last year you can do it this year.
Remeber when I said that the next time I'd marry for meat? Well, clearly you will NOT be my next husband - at least until lent is over!
The caucaus might soon look like a carcus to you Mr Prez hopeful... Such pressure to endure during the most important part of the campaigning; but, I know you are up to it... so, you and Schmoop will suffering withdrawls together? that can be dangerous in itself, yes? we will be here for you Mr Prez hopeful, for encouragement, support, and, perhaps an a ocassional kick in the ass to keep you focused... make today count, here they call it FAT TUESDAY, eat enough meat that it will sustain you for the next leg of the road to the White Out House... have a good day and peace bro :)))
Cheesy: Thank you...As a third party candidate it is nice not being under the pressure of the primaries. Cheers!!
Roger: Other than dreaming about a hamburger eating me, I should muddle through. Cheers!!
Dana: Actually that is good news. I'd prefer to get married in May anyway. Cheers!!
Lyn: Ha. Everything will look like a carcass. I have been eating quite a bit of meat of late. I'm kinda like a bear preparing for hibernation. Cheers!!
This year for lent I am taking the very bold step and giving up - alcohol. (The things I do for Jesus, you would think he died for me something.)
I am still up in the air with who I am going to vote for. It is going to be a last minute call.
Karen: Alcohol? You are a far better person than I am Gunga Din. Wow. Good luck, thanks for stopping again, and Cheers!!
Did you feel the love yesterday?
For lent I'm giving up nothing! Weeks of guilt free meat eating bliss. Good luck on your journey.
Jeff: I felt like I was dining at a smorgasbord of love, and the dish that you served up was one of my faves.
Enjoy your meat filled Lent, and when you arrive in Hell tell Satan I said, "Hi". Cheers!!
We have a big thunderstorm just about to roll into town right now. I think now would be a good time for me to go vote. I'll have the place all to myself as everyone else will want to wait out the storm.
Is spam actually considered "meat" or just a "meat product"?
;) There's always Tofurkey
It still stuns and amazes me how "uber Catholic" you become at Lent. You out-Catholic this Catholic girl, but then again, that wouldn't take much I guess.
Although it certainly is Super Tuesday here where I live, I wisely cast my vote early (as I do each time) and mailed that ballot in two weeks ago, baby - I'm done! Does that earn me some bonus points?
Jay: You are always thinking. Make sure you wear your suitcoat made of incredibly conductive metal. Cheers!!
Leighann: No fake meat. Oh sure maybe that's okay for a lesser follower of the Holy Baby Jeebus, but no meat for me, real or faux. Cheers!!
Songbird: Well since I am one of the Almighty's favorites, I feel I need to give something back.
That's great that you voted early, but you will rue the fact that you didn't get a "I Voted Today" sticker.
Cheers and good luck with everything this week dear!!
I will be heading out shortly to do my poll dance...wanna come?...let me rephrase that....
For lent I am giving up my mid-day nap. I am also giving up writing checks unless I get something in return.I thought about giving up Southern Comfort but that is one cruelty I'd rather not endure!
Metal: Oooooo baby, voting is sexy, isn't it? Good thinking not to give up liquor, you don't want to have to kill somebody, especially during this solemn time of year. Cheers!!
It's a super day here in NYC. Super Bowl Parade, Super Tuesday and Super Duper Matt-Man (NOT)!
pEACE
Odat: I hate when it rains on my parade. Try to enjoy the wet, super weather anyway. We are in the same ark here. Cheers!!
I could never give up meat unless it was beef, chicken, fish, snake, horse, lamb, turkey, eel, crab, lobster, peasant, pork, shark, goat, quail, buffalo, ostrich,or duck.
108: But meat is delicious, are you blaspheming my meat!!? Cheers!!
It's my day to vote and I'm writing you in for prez. Just wanted you to know. You are the best choice. At least we will all be partying all the time. I like that.
Have a great day Matt-Man and yes I called you a fucker yesterday with much love. Bwahahahahaha. :)
Sandee: Save your vote for me for the general election. And somehow, when you do call me a fucker, my heart just melts. Cheers!!
Super Bowl Sunday? Fat Tuesday? Super Tuesday? What's up with the weekdays all needing adjectives to pump them up? Wild Wednesday? Thumpin' Thursday? Fuckin' Friday? Do you think I could add any more unanswered questions to one comment? Don't you hate people that form everything into a question?
VE: You do form those questions really well. Have you ever considered trying out for Jeopardy!? Cheers!!
I always appreciate this time of year because of your ultra-blasphemous rantings. Today is also my brother's birthday. What a busy freakin day this is.
Eat a giant wiener for me today. Muah.
Allie: Looooove the new pic. I will try to go above and beyond my Lenten blasphemousness this year. Happy B-Day to your brother.
And I'll eat a wiener for you if you eat mine. Cheers Sexy!!
No... your meat is not on the list :-)
108: Wooooo. That's good to hear. It had shriveled up out of fear. Cheers Kyra!!
"Or to put it another way…You can take the boy out of Father O’Malley’s classroom, but you can’t take Father O’Malley out of the boy. Or something like that. Praise Jeebus!!"
You know Poor Father O'Malley so he wanted a little boy action...the nuns were having all the fun beating us girls with the rulers, they needed their release too.
I thought we had a long wait in WI, we vote 2/19, will there be anyone left by the time you get to weigh in?
So do you lose weight during Lent?
I was once a Catholic, once was enough.
Mama: I lucked out. I never had to go to Catholic school. Although I am sad that I missed out sitting next to young chicks in plaid skirts.
I hope there is still a race when Ohio comes up. And the weight thing...I usually lose anywhere from 6-10 pounds during Lent. Cheers!!
Ooooo looking forward to the tales of supper tonight--a pound of bacon or Spam or both??
Matt-man, I got in from voting just in time to see the Giants go up the "Canyon of Heroes." I'm listening right now to all the people I don't know talk about the Giants as the team of the US!! Gov. Spitzer has put out a new Giants license plate.
I voted for Obama in the NY primary but I do intend to vote for you in the election in November. I'm in negotiations with Mayor Bloomberg (and he'll listen to me because I've lived in NYC all my life) to have you driven up the "Canyon" if you win the presidency. Wouldn't that be ah, SUPER, get it?! :)
For Lent this year I am giving up on Organized Religion :P
I like Allie's glistening meaty hot dog shot on her web page. That should keep you warm at night ;O
TB: I made Loosemeat with bacon and onion last night and I have plenty more left for tonight. Cheers!!
Teach: I appreciate your November support. And if you can get me in the Canyon, I hope you'll sit next to me. Cheers!!
Starr: I gave up organized religion long ago. And yes, I went over there. Aliie has a beautiful Hot Dog indeed. Cheers!!
Although I am home sick today with this damn crud I have already been to vote. It's time for a change so I wrote you in and cast my vote... yes I did.
Wait... I don't think white out on the screen will work... ya think I can go back and try to type it in... ummmmmm... I despise those new fangled voting machines.
DAMN!
We don't vote till march 4th. I think it's a bunch of crap because by the time they get to us all the good candidates have dropped out.
Everyone should vote in the primaries during the same week just to give us a voice.
Dixie: Yeah, the white-out may not have worked too well, but thanks for the effort. Hope you feel better soon. Cheers!!
Hammer: We vote on the 4th of March as well. I don't know why I originally posted the 7th. Oh I know why...I'm an idiot.
I agree with what you saying as well. Cheers!!
Well, I am going to try and vote, but as a registered Independent I am not sure they will let me... I hate joining one group or the other...
OH PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY THE HALLUCINATIONS WILL BEGIN AGAIN WITHIN THE WEEK...SAY AMEN BROTHA
Bond: They'll probably start as soon as tomorrow. Enjoy your day of Independence. Cheers!!
i want to give kucinch's wife head in the oval office, while chuck norris (cause he told huckabee to fuck off and wanted to help me instead) beats kucinche's pansy, midgety ass.
once again, almost nothing to do with your post, but i felt like sharing. cause sharing is caring, right?
I give up chocolate for Lent... except for one week... Jesus understands.
Okay, I know you can't eat meat but can you beat the meat during lent? ;-)
Yequila: The K-Man's wife is damn sexy. Thanks for sharing and caring. Cheers!!
Bittersweet: Enjoy the chocolate during that one week because there is no chocolate in Hell. Cheers!!
Jahooni: Of course, it's kind of like repentent self-flagellation. Cheers!!
Now thinking of it, I think I have lost my taste for meat too...;-)
Jahooni: Sorry. The Road to Remption can sometimes be quite ugly. Jahoooooooni. Cheers!!
Jay: Hey there Jay, and thanks for stopping by again. I didn't say what the age or the upbringing of the kid's that I was mentioning. Cheers!!
When we vote next month...what should my write in say? Matt-Man or something else? I don't want my vote to be invalidated!
Raven: As a third party candidate I don't have to run in the primary. So what the hell, next month when you and I vote, write-in Wink Martindale. Cheers!!
I have voted.
(in my heart I voted for you Mateo)
and I think for lent that schmoop should eat your meat every day....
smile.
Kat: Awww. That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me. The eating part, not the vote part. But that was sweet too. Cheers!!
Wow. I just realized that this must be my Matt-mannivesary. I started ruminating here right about this time last year.
Wow.
I mean really wow.
I need a moment.
Travis: Ha...Take all the time you need Trav. I can see where this realization could unleash some very powerful emotions. Cheers my good man!!
Loved the Haiku.
Think of it this way, Matt-Man. Even if Hillary does not grace the White House, what's stopping you from using her as fodder? You know she'll make the talk show rounds when she loses. That could be very interesting.....Bill will play the sax....She might cry again....
Mimi: True enough, but Hill lacks that comedic inspiration that I seek. However, Bill is still good for a joke or two. Cheers!!
Post a Comment