Sometimes, I think about how Matt-Man and me, the real Matt, differ.I have also wondered if it would be wise to point out those differences to you.
I finally answered that wonderment with four words, “Why The Fuck Not?”
Actually, there really aren’t that many major differences between Matt-Man and me.
What you see here is what you get, or more accurately…
What you see here, is what you wisely choose to avoid.
The only physical difference between Matt-Man and the real Matt is that my wanker is much bigger.
Write this down ladies…I am the only man who downplays his cock size on the internets.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating about the “much” bigger part.
There’s quite a few flirtatious comments left on BR, and poor Matt-Man, thinks they are actual come-ons.
I, however, know you guys are just playing around.
Hell, I haven’t been truly hit upon since last summer...
I was propositioned by two drunk Amish babes during a traveling Butter-Churning exhibition.
Poor Matt-Man. I don’t think he has been very lucky in actually having sex either.
Me, the real Matt, on the other hand, am sexually satiated…or at least I used to be.
I was such the ho-bag when I was younger. Hell, in High School I was voted The Boy Most Likely To.
When I was 17, I was hosing an incredibly hot 34 year old artist chick.
When I was 21, I was boinkin’ not one, but two sexy 42 year old ladies.
Now at 43... If this trend continues, in a couple of weeks or so, I’ll be going down on a sassy 86 year old babe in her Nursing Home bed.
My lust cannot be limited to just one age, race, or creed…and in Matt-Man’s case, one species.
Thinking back on all of my carnal trysts, I bet I have caressed more boobs than the entire Victoria’s Secret line of bras, and tea-bagged more ladies than Mr. Lipton!!
But, my friends, my promiscuity is something of which I am neither proud nor something I enjoy talking about.
Well…at least not until I attend my 25 Year High School Reunion this summer.
Where was I going with all of this…Oh yeah, I remember, differences between Matt-Man and Matt.
I guess there are differences and some very real similarities between us as well.
We both loathe the Bush Administration, and that soulless, dickless, coward VP Pot Roast.
We both enjoy Bagwine, and we both love to see your smiling faces everyday.
I guess it doesn’t really matter if it’s Matt-Man or the real Matt who turns up in my post on any given day.
Because, I kinda like both of them. How about you?
Is it always you who shows up to post on your site, or some days, is it “somebody else”?
Cheers!!
80 comments:
Is it always you who shows up to post on your site, or some days, is it “somebody else”?
It's always me ... but sometimes, it's super-sized me! Yes, I know ... sometimes it's supersized you, too!
Dana: Ha...Good one. And you're right. Cheers!!
Heard a funny thing on a geek channel last night, where some people spend so much time here in cyber world being who they are, or who the're not, that when they go outside of this cyber zone they call it,...out in the meet space!
Micky: Wow...All of that work just to change one word, Micky? I would love to live in a "meat" space. Cheers!!
No... I'm learning..copy..paste.
Waste Space!
Micky: I feel your pain. Cheers!!
I'm totally me on my blog...I just don't have the presence of mind to be anyone else, plus....I like me...and that's ok!! (working on my affirmations)
So with leelee
"what you see, is what you get"
HUGS!!!!!
Leelee: And I wouldn't want you any other way. Purrrr. Cheers!!
There's nothing sexier than cleaning some broad's bedpan... that's hot!
I hope you've settled down since. ;)
Hiya 'big boy'! :D
Deb: Hiya Hot Stuff. Colostomy Bags are a big turn-on as well.
Settled down? I'm damn near celibate. Cheers Deb!!
Watch it Matt you'll be headed to necrophilia!
Roger: Wow...What a creepy, yet accurate observation. Thanks for the warning. Cheers!!
Wooo hooo there is possible hope for this older broad yet!!
Now I just need to find a nursing home that will put up with me....
I try to be me on my site. I will occasionally share Dark Cheese.
As for liking both MattM and Matt~~ Ya.. I tolerate you both.. hehehe
Cheesy: Older, Schmolder...You're Hot!! Glad you tolerate me. That is so warm. Cheers Cheesy!!
I respectfully request to envoke my fifth amendment rights here.
Without Matt there would be no Matt-Man and without Matt-Man there would be less laugh out loud humor in my day. On my blog I try NOT to divulge too much about myself. Then some times it is like, oh what the fuck...
There are so many personalities floating around in this head that I'm not quite sure if I'm "ME" or just another one of them....
Scary huh?
I'm always me---of course there are a lot of facets to me;-)
And of course I love both Matty and Matt-man!
Smooch
Jeff: As you wish...puss. Cheers Jeff!!
Lu: I feel the same way, Lu. I say WTF more and more with each passing day. Cheers!!
Leighann: Ha...I hear ya. I have trouble at times determining if something I just typed was a joke or if I really meant it. Cheers!!
TB: I am multi-faceted as well, because I drink alot of water. And who in their right mind doesn't love both of me? Cheers!!
I guess I like both of you...I keep coming back, don't I? Or is that my evil twin? ;-)
Peace
Odat: Let's have both of me, you, and your evil twin go out on a double date sometime? Cheers Odat!!
It's always me in the vampire lair. However, because I am multi-faceted, you never know which side of the lump coal will be showing on any given day. Oh, and I was a slut like you once upon a time. Only I had many sweet young men...18 yr olds at 26... 21 yr olds at 37... that kind of thing.
Winter: Interesting...It's a shame that I'm not half my age and you're not twice as old. We could rock n roll. Cheers!!
Parts of me, here and there... People are far more complex to be equated simply with their blogs.
Wait, I'm having a deep and profound moment here?
huh?
I enjoy spending time with all the bits and pieces you want to share Matt... and Matt-man... and whoever else is lurking in there.
At least you don't hear voices, or let us hear them if you do. I'm not saying that's bad, but one blogger with voices is enough.
I'm pretty much me, disguised in name and place only, but me all the same on my blog. And I've already 'fessed up to my young, whoring days. I tended to favor older guys - no games, no fuss when it came to walking away.
Anndi: Wow...Anndi-Paul Sartre. That was deep. I am glad you like spending time with "my bits". Cheers!!
Songbird: Oh I hear voices baby. And as far as my whoring days, I lied...I am VERY proud of them. Cheers!!
Watch out for those Amish chicks. They're wild! I was in one of those Amish food stores not too long ago and the girl behind the counter was definitely hitting on me. She kept walking around and she would spin quickly so her dress would fly up and show me her ankles. Very sexy!
I am he as you are he and something something something...we are all together. Goo goo ga joob!(and don't forget: the walrus was Paul)
"Bitter Butter Amish Babes Rumpringa With Matt-man"
Next on Maury!
Jay: If you thought that was sexy, you should see an Amish hottie when she's seperating her curds and whey. Mmmmmmmm. Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Yes he was. And I'd like to take Heather Mills leg off and beat her like a baby seal. Cheers!!
Mo: Ha...You know you would watch. Cheers Mo!!
I'd like to beat her leg with a baby seal....then stuff 48 mil in one dollar bills into her leg...
all of our multiple personalities like both of you....
(stay AWAY from my mother)
Phfrankie: Poor thing...She should have gotten so much more. She's such a lovely human being. Cheeres!!
Kat: I don't care how old your mom is, if she is half as hot as you, I am all...sorry, I 'll behave. Cheers Kat!!
The scary part is that there are many things about VE that are real...the scarier part is that I won't let on which ones. Oh, and get me an autograph of Joan Rivers when you go out with her...
It's me and only me on my blog, and that's more than enough.
I enjoy reading whoever shows up to write your blog. It's an essential part of my day!
VE: That's always best. Now, Joan Rivers? I don't have many scruples, but there are some things I won't even do. Cheers!!
Raven: Why thank you very much Raven. Cheers!!
Regardless of which one shows up, I get a kick out of checking ya out.
Naughty: And I am glad that you do, ye of the sexy bum. Cheers!!
I blog therefore I am?
Shit, no, that was Descartes...
Anndi: I hate Descartes...He used too many run-on sentences. Cheers!!
I just threw up a little in the back of my throat with your going down on an 86 year old in a nursing him. That is just disgusting. Gotta run now. :)
Sandee: Just a little geriatric therapy. Cheers!!
You are still younger than me Matt... which makes you prey in my eyes. Heh.
Winter: Woo Hoo!! Cheers Baby!!
wait a freakin minute... is Songbird speaking of me when she mentions a blogger with voices?
Hey..there are three of us who reside on The Couch...any day one of us might be dominant...and the other two submissive...and then there are the days we all bring the whips and just lash each other...
Bond: I don't know if she is or not. Let me ask Matt...
Matt just answered me with, "Stalin was Framed!!" Whatever the hell he meant by that. What? Cheers!!
so you have a thing for older woman, shit! and here i was trying to cum on to you!
Matt-Man or Matt, I like em' both! But if I had to pick just one... of course it would be the 'bigger' one! ;)~
Jahooni: You have it backwards. Older women have a thing for ME. Bada Bing. Cheers!!
I yam what I yam, and dat's all dat I yam...
I'm DirkStar the blogger man...
good luck in finding a laydee! whatever species available. :-)
Dirk: "I yam what I yam..."
You need to put videos up on You Tuber. Cheers!!
Marmelade: I found one. Only one problem...She finds me incredibly obnoxious.
Cheers and thanks for stopping by again, funny girl!!
Not incredibly obnoxious dear, just semi obnoxious!!
Schmoop: Awwwwww, that was the sweetest thing you have said to me since well...Sunday. See ya soon. Thanks!!
I would have to say, Ginormous Boobs is a sliver of the real me, but what a sliver it is!
It would probably surprise people that I don't just run around showing my breasts all day banging Christians.
I walk my dog too.
And please, you know those come ons are totally true. You're a foxy dude.
GB: Ha...Very Good. You are also quite amusing, and nowhere near what some stereotypical thinking idiots would see as a sexy boob. (Pun Intended)
As for the come ons, thanks but c'mon. I ain't nearly close to being a "foxy dude". Cheers GB!!
So if ever you find yourself single again & in the mood for granny, come on over.
better now?
If I wasn't me on my blog, I'd hope to hell I could find someone a little more interesting to hang out there!
Tug: You are more than interesting enough as you are silly woman.
And thanks for stopping by, I must stop by and add you to my links so my aging mind no longer forgets to stop by. Cheers Tug!!
Hey Matt-Man!
Well, I have to admit, I have been lurking in your blog for a bit now. I have to say...you are one sick puppy! LOL! But how can a person not love you and the other guy too! Most of the time I am floored by what you post, but I keep coming back and reading, so I must be one sick puppy too! LOL!
Let me introduce myself...
I am Kimmie, I live South of Buffalo, New York. Not to far from you actually. What part of Ohio are you from? My Dad and brother live in Cleveland.
"Cleveland Rocks!" Just love that song..lol.
Oh...and I am so happy you are a meat eater again...I felt so sorry for you!
Kimmie
Kimmie: Well thank you very much for reading and even more for coming out of the shadows and commenting. I really appreciate that.
I live in SW Ohio, near Dayton, so I am not quite 3 hours from the Rock n Roll City of Cleveland.
As far as the meat I am soooo glad I am back on it myself. Ummmm. You know what I mean.
Thanks again Kimmie. Don't be a stranger, and I will be 'round to visit your blog soon. Cheers!!
[...you are one sick puppy!]
Kimmie, I LOVE THAT LINE!!!!!!
Hey Matt-Man, We're ALL sick puppys here HUH?
Micky: Sick? Not at all...My humor may be at times infantile and base, but it's usually cleverly done. And you guys "get it".
You all are the best and smartest audience a half way funny satirist could ask for. Cheers Mick!!
Hey Dude!! Happy to be a part of this satire,
and your right..............clever is what you are!
Carry On!
Of coarse that means you have to comment on my comment, yes?
Micky: Thanks Mick, and don't I always? Why I oughta... Cheers!!
So far it's always been me/no it hasn't/yes it has/no not always/shut up. Sorry Matt we'll get back to ya on this one.
The Wolf on my blog is just the picture I use. The words, thoughts, ideas, and opinions are all Travis.
Unless Mr Tucker gets hold of the keyboard. Then you never know what might happen.
Cheers!
I think I could get confused. Anyone won a blow torch?
Admit it, you caught those Amish chicks on there sinn fein trip, or whatever it is
Damn you have an "image" on your blog?! Are we supposed to do that? I am in deep shit cause Cyber Starr and the real me are one and the same.
Both celibate.
BY CHOICE DAMMIT!
You DOWNPLAY your cock size on the blog?
Seriously?
*faint*
Trukin': It's hell trying to keep up with one's selves isn't it? Cheers!!
Travis: And all along I thought yo uwere an alien from a planet of dancers. Cheers!!
Nick: You confused? I don't believe it. Cheers!!
Sparky: What can I say? Their clothes are so figure enhancing. Cheers!!
Starr: Maybe you are one in the same, but one of you still has to do the dishes. Cheers!!
DB: Yes I do...Or...was that Matt-Man telling another story? Cheers!!
matt...although a day late, i feel the need to comment.
out here on the "left" coast, engineers developed a formula for what I refer to as a "bang-o-meter".....it's half your age plus 7. If you're 42....42 divided by 2...21 plus 7= 28. For a 70 year old woman....divided by 2 plus 7 gives you your 42.....So for both Matt and Matt-man, your "bang-o-range" is 28-70. Stay away from the 86 years olds my friend...it could be dangerous..
by the way..if you want the official way to create your porn name, let me know and i'll share that later..
by the way..i know you're 43...i wanted an even number for the "bang-o-meter" example and decided to round down, not up.....going down is much more enjoyable...
Whirlpool baby! It's more than a cheesey 70's porn prop!
Teamster: Got it...I won't look pat the 70 year olds. As far as Porn Names, I have many. Some of which are very flattering. Cheers!!
Starr: I like that. Bow Chicka Wow Wow. Cheers!!
In real life I complain about my work and family more. On the blog I try to keep in mind that customers and family members sometimes read. For instance, I never call the Mother-in-law names or mention specific things she did to piss me off and I rarely bitch about slow paying custmers who nit-pick about the boldness of plain black lettering.
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