Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Toungin' Hillary And Eatin' Tuna

It's Election Day here in the Buckeye State, and at 6:30 AM the polls open.

I plan on being there to cast my vote as soon as they open.

Appropriately enough, I vote at a church. So goes Matt-Man, so goes God.

As I have said, I am voting for H-Rod. Maybe she will be at my polling location shaking hands.

I sure hope so, cuz I'll plant a big ol' wet kiss on her mouth, slip her a little tongue, and finish off with a firm reach around. I do so love democracy.

As promised, I made Tuna Casserole yesterday. It was Yum-Oh, and I plan on having it again today.

There's plenty left because Schmoop refuses to eat tuna. What a lousy lesbian she would make.

Which, makes me sad because I would love to see her enagaged in some hot chick on chick action.

But I digress...Follow me if you will, through the journey of the Tuna Casserole ala' Bagwine.


Here are most of my ingredients...I also use a bit of milk. Keep some Bagwine handy as well.




I cook the noodles in salted water and then drain. See that was easy, wasn't it?



I mix the noodles, tuna, cracker crumbs, potato soup, parsley, and onion in the pot and add the following:

A glob of Sour Cream, a modicum of milk, and a smattering of butter. Make sure you use those exact measurements!!



Let the conglomeration cool, and then spoon out into a buttered baking dish. Top with Velveeta, Butter, cracker crumbs, and parsley. Mmmmmm, my uvula is getting a Hard-On already!!


Put into a pre-heated 450 degree oven for 10 minutes, and then turn back to 375 for another 30-35 minutes.

While it is baking, drink some Wild Irish Rose. Unfortunately, I was out of it last night, so I drank the better part of a bottle Vodka.


After a total of 45 minutes, or when you start to see the Vodka Fairies, whichever comes first, pull that dish of deliciousness out of the oven.


Mmmmmmm, Mangia!! It was excellent, and will taste even better today. I hope you try it.

Not only is it a taste bud sensation, the smell is unique and intoxicating.

I can only descibe the aroma as being akin to what my olfactory senses experienced when I engaged in a 69 with a mermaid last summer.

Earth's wonderful oceans...Full of bounty and booty!!

Well, I am off to take a shower and then go vote. When I get back, I promise to catch up on everyone's blog. Enjoy.

Cheers!!

85 comments:

Dana said...

An aversion to cooked tuna in no way precludes one from some "hot chick on chick action." You'll just have to trust me on that one!

Schmoop said...

Dana: I'll pass that on. Thank you for shedding some soft, dimly lit, porn light on that subject. Cheers Dana!!

leelee said...

Even after "the better part of a bottle of vodka" here you are..up n' atom and ready to go vote.

Amazing and heart warming!

HUGS!!

Schmoop said...

Leelee: I am on a roll baby. I am already back from voting. Sadly, H-Rod wasn't there. No Grope of Democracy for me. : ( Cheers!!

Odat said...

A glob, a modicum, a smattering and a hardened uvula.....I can't take it!
Peace

Lu' said...

Mmmm for a good tuna casserole. My husband wont eat it, tuna casserole, either. If you think better of slappling a wet one on Hil' just whisper something Mattish in her ear as you give her a squeeze. Probably almost as satisfying eh?

Schmoop said...

Odat: Sorry...But I speak truth to power or in this case to Tuna Casserole. Cheers!!

Lulita: Alas, she wasn't there Lu. I would have whispered, "Let's go back to my place and filibuster." Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

The nicely browned Velveeta did it for me! I will try this one. Mom never used those yuumy ingredients!

You were denied Hillary? Come rest your head on my ample bosom. There, there, Matty.....

Schmoop said...

Metal: Browned up V-Cheese is a beautiful sight, isn't it? Mmmmmmm, thanks for the bosom sharing. My head thanks you. Cheers!!

RW said...

Where a lighting proof suit before you walk into a church today! That way you & Hilary will match!

Schmoop said...

Roger: If Hill and I were going to match, I would have had to have worn a Lightning Proof Pantsuit. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Mmmmmm, my uvula is getting a Hard-On already!!


Don't sprain it!

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Ouch, that would be most unfortunate. I will make sure that that doesn't happen. Cheers!!

The Mountain Cat said...

MM, wow that looks good! The Vodka I mean. I suppose the tuna tastes great too! ROTFL!

Schmoop said...

Mt. Cat: Vodka makes everything better. Cheers!!

Desert Songbird said...

Once again, your culinary skills amaze and confound me. I'm completely befuddled. Oh...wait...I think I used those terms "inappropriately"...did I say that out loud?...

Lu' said...

I have found a picture I think you'll like. It is on the 'puter at home. I'll send it to you. Maybe you'll post it I don't think I will. It is, well, of questionable taste?

Cheesy said...

I will wear polyester for you if I get a reach around.....

Schmoop said...

Songbird: Are you stupified!by my culinary skills? Bring me the head of Steve Lawrence 'cause I am a regular Edyie Gourmet. Cheers!!

Lulita: By all means, send that puppy. Thanks and Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

What! No WIR and you're stepping into a church this morning. The end times have got to be near.

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: Yum-Oh...I bet you wear polyester well. Consider it done. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Jeff: If only it was a Catholic Church, I could have stolen the Communion wine. Cheers!!

Lex Valentine said...

I voted for Hill in a synagogue. It's the only real church in my hood. The rest are all in strip malls.

Ohhhh, Velveeta! I'm gonna put it on my next tuna casserole. It looks yummy. I had Velveeta grilled cheese last night, and every time the cheese threatened to ooze out of the bread, I licked it and thought of you. It was orgasmic!

Desert Songbird said...

I wear polyester for no man...or woman, for that matter. I'm strictly a cotton girl myself.

But, hey, yo, your culinary skills? They leave one...I guess confounded is a good word.

You other tastes? Well...

Desert Songbird said...

Oh, and that vodka brand? What the hell is that?!?!?!

The Ferryman said...

Why is it that when WE kiss, you never slip me any tongue?

Schmoop said...

Winter: Grilled cheese at its best...I am glad that I could be part of your eating experience. Purrr. Cheese!! er...Cheers!!

Songbird: I am Molto Matt-Man...The vodka is Swedish. It's delicious. It is after all, well...Vodka. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Fab: Evidently, even when I appear in your dreams, I exercise good taste and common sense. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Two shining moments in this post for me:

- My uvula is getting a hard on

and

-Use those exact measurements!

LMFAO!

And I just want to say with all the sincerity in the world that I truly hope no old people were forced to stay away from the polls today due to bad weather.

Don't you fret my pet... I actually think Hillary will do pretty well today in the polls. She has had a very good past few days and has p layed the political game quite well!

Ginormous Boobs said...

I like my tuna and I like my ladies, but I got to keep them seperate, yo.

Schmoop said...

Kyra: Ha...Thanks. I liked those as well.

I never fret over elections. It is an inexact science with only two results, win or lose. Either way, one just moves on to the next election. Cheers!!

GB: I understand that indeed; however in your case, I think you would look fantastic in a plunging bra with English Muffin Tuna Melts on the cups. Cheers!!

Ken said...

Don't you just love tuna casserole on the second day when the skin on top gets all crunchy?
I'm a simple man with simple pleasures and a day or two old casserole reheated works for me!
I like the food pics!

Schmoop said...

Micky: It's always better the second day, and thanks. Cheers!!

leelee said...

oh..is it lunch time yet? I adore leftovers.

Schmoop said...

Leelee: I rarely eat lunch, but I will be having it again tonight as I watch the returns come in. Cheers!!

Sandee said...

Oh Matt-Man...you would actually touch that skank Hillary? Really? I thought you had much better taste. I really did. I think Obama is going to take it all today. I'm hoping so. Bye-bye H-Rod.

Folks still eat Velveeta huh? Everything else sounds great except the Velveeta. Just saying. Have a great day. :)

Liz Hill said...

Purrrr MY uvula's getting a hard on now ;-)

Schmoop said...

Sandee: Hillary? Skank? Huh...interesting. I guess I should reconsider my position on smart, successful women. Maybe I am out of touch. Cheers!!

Jay said...

That looks like good comfort food. If I had a plate full of that with some wine to drink I think I would feel so good I could vote for Hillary. Or think about it at least.

Schmoop said...

TB: I bet you know how that feels. ; ) Cheers TB!!

Lynda said...

I used to make tuna casserole all the time and never heard of it made with potato soup, that is different, probably good, but different... a creamy, cheesy delight, but, leftover tuna? couldn't do it MM, just couldn't do it... well, you decided on your political vagina, you stuck to it, and you made no bones about it, you are a man of your mind and word in action, so, agree with you or not, gots to respect your 'realness'.... have a great day and enjoy your leftovers... :)))))

Leighann said...

Speaking of vodka, take a gander at this!

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/01/baconflavored_v.html

Schmoop said...

Lyn: I would have used Cream of Mushroom soup instead of Potato, but I didn't have any.

The leftovers are better; I did refrigerate it, ya know.

As far as sticking to my guns, I would have voted for my fave, Joe Biden, even though he has dropped out, if his name had still been on the ballot. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Leighann: I got an error message. Shucks. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Bleck...the smell of HOT tuna is making me nauseas from here. I love tuna fish salad on a sandwich or crackers, but that stuff warm just ain't right, Matt-Man! :p

Schmoop said...

CrAzY: Pish Posh. I think it is something else that is making you nauseous...Cheers Tish!!

Ed & Jeanne said...

That looks yummy. But I gotta ask, is Velveeta really a cheese? What sort of cow does that come from?

Schmoop said...

VE: It is a cheese "product". I checked the ingredients...

While it doesn't contain actual cheese, the box does say that it contains, "cheese culture".

Therefore making Velveeta much more sophisticated than real cheese. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I don't like tuna casserole as a rule, but yours sounds pretty good. There's nothing that sour cream, velveeta, and potato soup wouldn't make better.

none said...

I should have voted for hill but my wig and pantsuit were at the cleaners ;)

Good looking cassarole. I'm hungry.

Schmoop said...

Marilyn: How can you go wrong with a Holy Trinity comprised of those three things? Cheers!!

Hammer: Why thank ya. You, by the way, would probably look faboo in a pantsuit with your pony tail. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Well damn, it was an article all about Bacon flavored Vodka!

Schmoop said...

Leighann: I found it. It was quite disgusting. And I like both, just not together. Cheers!!

Leighann said...

I don't care for bacon, but I'll take the vodka!

Leighann said...

Any why is it, that bacon flavored vodka had me immediately thinking of you?

Schmoop said...

Leighann: Because you find me full of meat and intoxicating. Cheers!!

Cinnamon Girl said...

Gray Goose actually does live up to it's promise of best tasting vodka. Bacon flavored Vodka makes me want to cut out my tongue and donate it to the nearest hot chick on chick wrestling match =(

Schmoop said...

Starr: I haven't had Gray Goose. Yeah, bacon flavored Vodka, is just wrong...Wrong, wrong, wrong. Good to see ya. Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

you made me horny. i adore men that can cook.

the tuna looks yummy! i would have chose a red wine instead but vodka works too. if i drank that much vodka i would have been on the floor in the kitchen eating like david hasselhoff.

Two Vodka shots and you could spread Velvetta all over me... nevermind. ;)~

Schmoop said...

Jahooni: I cook well, and usually do it nekkid, unless I'm frying bacon...can't be too careful.

The Hasslehoff comparison was disturbing but spreading V-Cheese all over you sounds Dee-Lish. Cheers!!

Mo and The Purries said...

That looks Yum-MO!

So, did the voting booth burst into flames when you cast your vote for McCain?

Schmoop said...

Mo: Why thanks...Mo, if I had voted for McCain, I would have burst into flames.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

You are just a magician with the meatless food groups...

Schmoop said...

Bond: I try. But I'd rather be enjoying my carnivorous ways. I am jonesin'. Cheers!!

Fig said...

I like a man who drinks vodka and cooks... and having a hard uvula is so very hot!

Schmoop said...

Fig: I have always wanted to be able to stroke my own uvula without setting off my gag reflex.

My attempts have left me with nothing but emotional emptiness and a big mess on the floor.

Thanks for stopping by, and Cheers!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

you are so freakin lucky I do not live near you... I would be coming by eating hot dogs and hamburgers and loose meat sandwiches and ribs and chicken and pork chops and spam (well maybe not spam) and sausages and steaks every damn day ...heheheheh

Look dude... you and i both know you are going to he** anyway...so just eat the meat and let it go...

OH and I reserved us BOTH seats down there for Super bowl LXXX

maryt/theteach said...

The only Tuna casserole (sp?) that looks good enough to eat, Matt!

Schmoop said...

Bond: I am not going to hell. I have a seat reserved for me next to the Almighty along with an an endless supply of Brats, Burgers, and Fried Spam. Cheers!!

Teach: Why thank ya Mary. I'll mail some to you. Can't guarantee safe edibility by the time it gets to you however. Cheers!!

Raven said...

It's only March and only the primary and I'm already tired of politics!! I've gotten 4 recorded political calls since Monday morning! Leave me the hell alone...if I want to talk to you politicos I'll send you a threatening letter (dammit I got the 5th while typing this)
Hope you enjoyed the tuna you dolphin killer....
I need a drink

Lee Ann aka Dixie said...

Well I guess I wouldn't make a good lesbian either because that is just EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW & GROSS!!!

Schmoop said...

Raven: Ha...Sorry 'bout the dolphins. Yeah, we've gotten a half dozen calls over the las t few days. It will all be over tomorrow...Well, until late October/Early November. Cheers Raven!!

Dixie: Ewwww? But tuna is dee-lish dammit. I may never offer to clean your house again!! Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

i want some too, that isn't fair! ;)!

Schmoop said...

Jahooni: My tuna is your tuna. Just call me Matt-Man of the Sea. Cheers!!

Deb Hernandez said...

Tuna casserole is one of the contributing factors to the Diva leaving the "Church" and becoming a Protestant (well that and 6 years of parochial school torture.) I can tolerate green jello with nasty crap in it if I have to, but cannot stomach tuna anything so I could not possibly remain a Catholic. If gossip is to be believed Hillary loves tuna casserole too...it might be the tuna vote that carries the day for her.

Schmoop said...

Diva: Holy Fattened Calf...Green Jello with Crap in it AND Tuna. You were definitely Catholic.

Leave H-Rod alone, she is most likely gonna be a little down after tonight. Cheers!!

Travis Cody said...

I should perhaps share my own special recipe. It's somewhat different than yours, but the result is the same yummy goodness.

Ahhhhh comfort food.

Unknown said...

I just got a news flash that CNN says Senator Clinton has won Ohio.

The Teamster said...

A little testimonial matt...i haven't had a drink in over 23 years and I'd have to drink that vodka before I ate that tuna (and I like tuna)....what the fuck is velveeta doing in tuna?.....the sight of it is even trying to ruin the grateful dead song from bonds post that i'm vegging out on........

I hope i'm not putting too negative.....just being honest...

Cheesy said...

What day is the end of your meat-fast? Have I got a treat for YOU!!!

Schmoop said...

Travis: Send it Trav. I love trying new recipes out, and yep it is comforting. Cheers!!

Nick: Looks like she won Texas and RI as well. Who'd a thunk it? Cheers!!

Cheesy: It ends Easter Morning. Are you going to be my Easter Bunny. Can I play with your cotton tail? Cheers!!

Janna said...

Now I'm craving tuna casserole.

Potato soup??? Really????
I've always used cream of mushroom.

Schmoop said...

Janna: I do too, but I forgot the CoM Soup and had to improvise. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

the teamster's been in California too long....he's forgotten what mid-west cuisine is all about...

Schmoop said...

Kat: That may not be a bad thing...Make the boy a Fried Baloney Sandwich. Yum-Oh!! Cheers Kat!!