Monday, April 28, 2008

Frozen Pizza: Sausage, Pepperoni, and Random Thoughts

I got home last night a 7:15 P.M.

I drank some beer. Yes folks, beer, not Bagwine. My liver needed a rest.

After listenin’ to Turnbaby’s BTR show, I decided to eat the frozen pizza that Schmoop had left for me in the fridge.

I recorded my thoughts during that time so they could be forever posted upon the internets…

Okay, the pizza’s in the microwave…looks Yum-Oh. I’ll go take a leak while it’s heating up.

Unlike Poppy from that episode of Seinfeld, I did wash my hands. God, I love that show. There’s the dinger.

Time to take a trip through my used up old body Mr. Pizza. Mmmmm smells good. Can Schmoop cook a frozen pizza, or what?

Maybe I should ask her to marry me…Hahahahahahahaha

First of all she would say, no. And secondly, I wouldn’t want to ruin her credit rating.

Lessee what’s on TV. Nothing…Nothing…Garbage…Okay, baseball it is. Tigers and Angels, but what the hell.

Wow that chick three rows up to the left of home plate has some huge boobs. Rowwwr. Oh, crap…

Either the sight of the chick’s hooters and the great taste of this pizza made me cum, or I put my wanker away too soon after peeing.

I have a huge wet spot on my crotch. I bet I look sexy sitting here eating pizza with a wet spot on my drawers.

Jeez, a lot of swell folks came to my site via Jay’s site the last few days.

Jay must be the second most popular guy from Arkansas. And he achieved that status without getting a blow job in the Oval Office!!

No Corky, no pizza for you girl. I noticed that the vast majority of my readers are women…seems that Jay’s are too.

I don’t know about him, but am I being sympathy blogged? Eh, doesn’t matter. Just like a sympathy fuck, it still feels good.

Wow what was I thinking when I made that promise to God in order for him to help me find my key the other day?

How in the hell will I possibly be able to only masturbate every OTHER day?

What was I thinking, indeed?

I sure have a ton o’ blog reading to catch up on Monday…and links to add…

Will I be able to get it all done before I leave at quarter til’ five Monday afternoon?

Of course I will…I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!! Man, good pizza. Time to snooze…


Have a lovely Monday, folks.


Cheers!!

60 comments:

Micky-T said...

Yeah, puttin the wanker away to early can be bothersome. Have a great MONDAY!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I hate when that happens. Same to ya Mick, and Cheers!!

ladyjaye82 said...

Why is there never anything on TV on Sundays?

Happy Monday!

Matt-Man said...

LadyJaye: It's a conspiracy. Who's behind it, I have yet to discover. Cheers!!

Lu' said...

Also unlike Poppy you made it to the restroom without leaving a pee stain on the couch. Fandamntastic show there is no doubt. Speaking of pizza, crap I left the last piece in the fridge. That was going to be lunch today. Oh well after work snack then. Good day Matt-man.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: I still watch the damn re-runs every night. Enjoy your post-work snack. Have a good one too. Cheers!!

Roger said...

Bad credit too huh Matt...I wish I could say I had good credit, if someone stole my Identity they would be screwed!

Odat said...

Thanks for sharing Matt. You always manage to make me feel all warm and fuzzy....ahahaha.
Peace

Matt-Man said...

Roger: It's not the greatest. I wish someone would steal my identity, it could only be an improvement. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Odat: You have just descibed my effect perfectly. I am like a mold culture. Cheers Odat!!

leelee said...

Is that american cheese or cheddar on the Pizza? If it is any kind of Yellow Cheese, it's no longer pizza...Its something else completely and being from NJ..I have no idea what that could be.

Still..it looks good and if Schoomp made it for ya..then I am sure it was a delight. Schmoops da bomb!

I like listening to your thoughts, well except for the whole wet spot part. TMI

HUGS Matt!!

leelee said...

oh..and you know how I feel about Seinfeld

Matt-Man said...

Leelee: It's cheddar cheese. Frozen pizzas need to be doctored up a bit, y'know.

It was nice eating it as I watched my everyday balloons waft through the place. Cheers!!

leelee said...

Ha...lol

Cheesy said...

You and a wet spot... sounds like a perfect Sunday~~ 'Cept no mention of where your lovely lady was.. sorry ***sigh***

Matt-Man said...

Leelee: Ha. Cheers!!

Cheesy: That was the worst part of it. She was fast asleep. Cheers Cheesy!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Poppy was a homo. There, I said it!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Noooooo. Just not very hygienic. But he cooked a mean duck. Cheers!!

Winter said...

Ya know, when it comes to your penis, sometimes it pays to lag. Hee hee.

jennifer said...

Most of your readers are women... surely that doesn't surprise you. What chick can resist the allure of Matt-Man and his spotty drawers?

Beer and Pizza - this only proves what a man of fine taste you are. It would be mine as well. Save the Bagwine for fancier meals. What is bagwine anyway?

Jen

jennifer said...

Oh, and where are you going? Something you'll be sharing later?

Jen again

Desert Songbird said...

Sex, beer, piss, and pizza - just another day in the Matt-Man abode.

See? That's why I keep returning. It's like I never left Indiana.

Matt-Man said...

Winter: You said a mouthful...so to speak. Cheers!!

Jen: True, spotty drawers are such a turn on. Bagwine is gutter wine, in my case, Wild Irish Rose.

I have to go sell beer and other party supplies to the masses. Cheers Jen!!

Matt-Man said...

Songbird: Ha. You're so right. I am the epitome of the great Midwest. Cheers Dear!!

Jay said...

It is kinda funny that a huge majority of my commenters are women since I couldn't attract a women in a whorehouse if I was walking around with a wad of 100s in my hand. They're either drawn to my blog by my boyish charm and rugged good looks or it's the "train wreck" syndrome taking over. They just can't look away. ;-)

Leighann said...

Hmm Sunday must have been a good day for pizza because that's what was served in my house as well.

I think I'm the only person on the planet who thinks Seinfeld is annoying.

Knight said...

The women are drawn by the smell of your blog. It's man scent. Mmmmm...

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It's funny that you say that because I had the same train wreck theory going through my head about mine. Cheers!!

Leighann: Seinfeld? Annoying? Bite your tongue. Or let me do it for you. Cheers!!

Knight: Oh I have plenty of "man scent" to spare. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

That was the most romantic non-proposal I ever heard. Saving her credit rating is so selfless of you.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: I give 'til it hurts. It's just who I am. Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

Our CEO has a huge...and I mean like 6 foot by 8 foot portrait of Kramer in his office :P

Matt-Man said...

Starr: Oh man...I'd love to have that. Cheers Starr!!

Starrlight said...

Yeah well Jack wears a pooka shell necklace and teases our in house nun so you could say he is one of a kind. He's actually, hands down, the coolest executive officer I have ever known.

I knew you would like Seinfeld. I watch the reruns every night!

VE said...

"internets"...holy crap, there's more than one internet? What if I'm on the wrong one? What if I'm on the betamax of internets? Thanks for THAT panic...

Matt-Man said...

Starr: You're one of the lucky ones. You must be practicing, "Serenity Now." Cheers!!

VE: Of course there are more than one. Our Commander-in-Chief said so. And if you don't believe him, that makes you an Anti-Dubya America Hater!! Cheers!!

Lu' said...

Poppy's goose was almost cooked when he tackled Elaine on the issue of abortion.

Speaking of the show. If you only promissed God to be the master of your domain every other day BUT not the number of times every other day then do it twice and make up for the day NOT off, hee hee.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Leave it to you to try and trick the Lord Almighty. Blasphemous. And thanks for the tip by the way. Cheers Lu!!

Lu' said...
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Lu' said...
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Trukindog said...

Boobs, Pizza and Beer...it's probably cum. heh heh

Dana said...

Unlike Poppy from that episode of Seinfeld, I did wash my hands.

Maybe Poppy can take a leak without peeing on his hands???

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

So at the sight of a big set of hooters you blow a gasget? Sounds so you Matt-Man. Have a great day and I'm glad you found the key. :)

Kimmie said...

Peeing on your boxers...oh that does not sound very good! You must remember to shake it off! No wonder your holding your ummm...head! ;-)
Smiles,
Kimmie

Turnbaby said...

Ah--I've missed your stream ;-)

Bond said...

Sure that is not another type of discharge dude.... you keep playing with it you could catch anything!

Matt-Man said...

Trukin': And it was such a waste. Cheers Dawg!!

Poppy: Can someone named "Poppy" be that talented? Cheers Dana!!

Sandee: I am easily aroused Sandee. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Kimmie: It was worse. I had briefs on, it shows up much more. Cheers!!

TB: So did I. Cheers TB!!

Bond: Are you telling me I could give myself an STD? Cheers!!

Bond said...

Knowing YOU...anything is possible! We have no idea what spam on the hands can cause!

Matt-Man said...

Bond: All that would do is give me a bad case of sodium and preservatives. Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

so did ya get the chore in before going to work today? ;)~

Doc said...

After Billy has screwed the pooch in this campaign Jay is easily the MOST popular guy from Arkansas...

Travis said...

I'm the one guy...the one guy who doesn't like Seinfeld.

You knew there was one, and now my seekrit is out.

Jeff B said...

WTF aren't all good pizzas round?

Matt-Man said...

Jahooni: Of course not. I'm Mr. Procrastination, glad to meet ya. ; )~ Cheers Jahooooooni!!

Doc: You may just be right about that. Cheers Doc!!

Travis: I won't say word...when you're around. Cheers!!

Jeff: This pie was round. Schmoop just went ahead and cut it up for me. What a gal. Cheers!!

Motley said...

Pfft, every other day? I know guys that do it three times in a row, three times a day!

Don't ask me how I know this. It disturbs me greatly.

Jahooni said...

i didn't know that. you seem right on top of things... ;)~

Matt-Man said...

Motley: Well they didn't make a pact with the Almighty. Cheers Motley!!

Jahooni: Only in certain aspects of my life. Can you guess which one? Cheers!!

Jo said...

Did you change your skivvies or just wait for the spot to air-dry?

On your masturbatory off days you could try playing hard to get, a little pouting & ass-wiggling...then you'll really be ready to go.

Matt-Man said...

Jo: Air dry, baby, air dry. I do have a nice ass; I may give that a go. Cheers!!

Ginormous Boobs said...

The ladies visit because both you and Jay are sexay bloggin fools.