Now dig it, folks…Six weeks from today Lent begins with Ash Wednesday on February 17th.
As some of you longtime Bagwine Heads know, for the past three Lenten seasons I have given up meat during the 46 day run between Ash Wednesday and the resurrection of Jeebus on Easter morning.
For those six weeks during the last three years, I have not allowed the greasy goodness of meat touch my lips. No bacon, no sausage, no burgers, no pizza with pepperoni. No meat…period.
Well…This Lent, I will not being doing that (sorry Michele). For me, giving up meat during Lent is no longer a challenge…no longer a significant sacrifice.
Hell, in some ways I look forward to the meatless, pre-cross nailing weeks so I can see what types of wacky recipes I can come up with sans meat. I must demand more from myself this Lenten season.
So…
I have decided that this year, beginning on Ash Wednesday and until Easter Morning, I will not allow bread nor pasta to pass my incredibly sexy lips.
There will be no macaroni and cheese for me. There will be no Hamburger Helper aiding my craving. There will be no rolls, toast, chips, spaghetti, or pizza. Pizza, Folks!!
Praise Jeebus, and may he give me the strength to accomplish such a sacrificial and gastronomic feat!!
Bread, noodles, and other pasta type things show up in so many things I enjoy. Chicken Noodle Soup, Grilled Cheese, stuffing, and of course, burgers…and Pizza!!
But you say…“Well Hell, Matt-Man, at least you’ll continue to eat meat this Lent. Could it really be that bad, ya big pussy?”
Oh sure I can eat meat, but is a hot dog the same when not in the form of these delicious Pigs in a Blanket that I made?
Nothing like a brat or Italian Sausage with mustard and kraut, but without a juice soaked New England Split Top bun does it taste as sweet?
My Loosemeat Sandwiches are famous, but without a greasy bun holding it all together they are but a jiggly mess of meat going unmentioned in the annals of Culinarydom. 
This breadless trek will be sure to test my character, my faith, and my ability to go six weeks without eating Pizza. Pizza, Folks!!
But…There you have it. My Lenten sacrifice for 2010. We will of course address this again when the day draws nigh, but in the meantime…
Would you say a prayer for me in order to soften the fertile sacramental soil prior to my feet setting upon it and into the cold, barren wilderness of a life without bread and pasta…and Pizza!!
I thank you, and may the light of Jeebus shine down upon you.
Cheers!!
I got home last night a 7:15 P.M.
I drank some beer. Yes folks, beer, not Bagwine. My liver needed a rest.
After listenin’ to Turnbaby’s BTR show, I decided to eat the frozen pizza that Schmoop had left for me in the fridge.
I recorded my thoughts during that time so they could be forever posted upon the internets…
Okay, the pizza’s in the microwave…looks Yum-Oh. I’ll go take a leak while it’s heating up.
Unlike Poppy from that episode of Seinfeld, I did wash my hands. God, I love that show. There’s the dinger.
Time to take a trip through my used up old body Mr. Pizza. Mmmmm smells good. Can Schmoop cook a frozen pizza, or what?
Maybe I should ask her to marry me…Hahahahahahahaha
First of all she would say, no. And secondly, I wouldn’t want to ruin her credit rating.
Lessee what’s on TV. Nothing…Nothing…Garbage…Okay, baseball it is. Tigers and Angels, but what the hell.
Wow that chick three rows up to the left of home plate has some huge boobs. Rowwwr. Oh, crap…
Either the sight of the chick’s hooters and the great taste of this pizza made me cum, or I put my wanker away too soon after peeing.
I have a huge wet spot on my crotch. I bet I look sexy sitting here eating pizza with a wet spot on my drawers.
Jeez, a lot of swell folks came to my site via Jay’s site the last few days.
Jay must be the second most popular guy from Arkansas. And he achieved that status without getting a blow job in the Oval Office!!
No Corky, no pizza for you girl. I noticed that the vast majority of my readers are women…seems that Jay’s are too.
I don’t know about him, but am I being sympathy blogged? Eh, doesn’t matter. Just like a sympathy fuck, it still feels good.
Wow what was I thinking when I made that promise to God in order for him to help me find my key the other day?
How in the hell will I possibly be able to only masturbate every OTHER day?
What was I thinking, indeed?
I sure have a ton o’ blog reading to catch up on Monday…and links to add…
Will I be able to get it all done before I leave at quarter til’ five Monday afternoon?
Of course I will…I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!! Man, good pizza. Time to snooze…
Have a lovely Monday, folks.
Cheers!!
