The new job that I have taken on is going really well.The folks who work there are cool and I get to meet a varied group of people on a daily basis, but….
There may be a problem developing.
I have to work later today and most of the day tomorrow. I am already gone most nights during the week.
Because of all of this, I think Schmoop may have found someone else to satisfy her needs.
She no longer gets to enjoy my culinary skills or my world renown prowess in the bed. I think she has filled those voids with someone else.
Why do I think this?
I got home late Wednesday night. Schmoop was already in bed.
When I greeted her Thursday morning, her breath had the distinct smell of well cooked beef and brown sauce.
I said nothing. She went to work and since it was my day off, I cleaned the Bagwine abode.
As I wondered about the aroma of the strange cuisine on her breath, I made the bed. The source of her oral odor was discovered.
Among the cool, rumpled sheets I found a used condom, a chef’s hat, and puddles of gravy…well, it was either gravy or her or the sexual interloper has a serious STD.
I was shocked!! I was crushed!! I was overcome with a craving for Salisbury Steak!!
I have not been able to confront her about my discovery. I can only hope she will read this and apologize to me for my pain.
More importantly, I hope she will have her dirty bastard of a lover give me the recipe to that gravy. Wow, it smelled Dee-Lish.
And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…
This week’s comment comes from a relatively new Bagwine drinker. He made a comment yesterday about Turnbaby’s Blog-Fo-Mercial©
This man did two things in one comment that I really get off on…appreciation of me and religious humor.
From yesterday’s post, Phfrankie Bondo of Steamboat Slough:
"Nice work, Matt-man! I too, dabble in the video mode so I can appreciate the effort that goes into making one of these...in the immortal words of Mother Teresa: "BINGO!"
Congrats for ropin’ this week’s COW Phfrankie, and keep the compliments coming.
If you get a moment folks, click HERE, and go congratulate Phfrankie on his impressive award.
Tomorrow's Sunday Morning Church Disservice will include some thoughts on Bill Maher’s Anti-Pope comments.
Enjoy your Saturday…
Cheers!!
38 comments:
The real question is did she get corn and pasta with that Salisbury Steak??
Dana: Probably not. It is apparent that she enjoys a "varied Menu". Or is that a varied, "Man-U?" Cheers Dana!!
The chef hat is a nice touch....and a turn on as well.....maybe you should try it....along with the vegetables!
Peace
Odat: Ya think? Hmmmm. I'll take you up on your advice. Cheers Odat!!
Dammit man.. did you check the trash for clues??
[schmoop! Did ya get dessert with that brown creamy entree??}
Cheesy: Your concern for me and my broken heart is overwhelming. Cheers Cheesy!!
Sounds like Chef Boy-ar-dee is taken' care of bidness. You better break out you special white sauce and get busy. Too many cooks in the kitchen make a mess all over the tuna sandwich...I mean spoil the soup.
No one on the planet makes better brown gravy than my mother. Obviously Schmoop is screwing MY MOM!!
I think the condom was a decoy!
Jeff: Maybe I should whip up some special Matt-Fredo sauce, and put it on my noodle. Cheers!!
Leighann: Now that...well, that is kinda hot. Cheers!!
I think your blog is great! I read you almost every day, but have never commented. You are a little over my head--most people are--but I still enjoy reading your stuff. Just sayin... :)
Awww...you cleaned the house and cooked dinner too? What a Guy!!! Schmoop is one lucky gal! Smart too...gettin' a little on the side, whoo hoo for her! ;-)
Have a great weekend Matt!
Smiles,
Kimmie
Relax Max: Well thank you very much and thanks for the comment. Don't be a comment stranger. I'll be sure to stop by. Cheers!!
Kimmie: Yet another one who is all slap happy for the Schmoopster. I get no respect. Cheers Kimmie!!
Schmoop is getting her meat elsewhere? What is she thinking?
Come on over here Matt. I'll throw some steaks on the grill and you can make your bean salad and we can fry up a side of spam or bacon.
I know a good thing when I see it!(and I've seen your good thing!)
Meatlmom: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about...Somebody who cares. Fire up the grill dear. I'll be right over. Cheers!!
I don't get it. If your meat was in my kitchen I would spend all my time drooling, not canoodling with Chef Tony. Your wit is sharper than his knives anyway.
Winter: Ding, Ding, Ding...I knew I could count on you, you hot little succubus, you. Cheers!!
A stray rooster in the Schmoop coop is well enough reason for a cock fight!
Go get'm Matt-Man
Matt-man,it's time to set a trap me thinks.
Micky: Ha. Well said. Cheers Micky!!
Mike: Thanks for stopping. Methinks thou might be correct. Cheers!!
Schmoop Coop! Schmoop-gate! Hahahahahahahah!
You know--I say fight fire with fire--mac n cheese MMMMMMM
Phfrankie: Congrats Moo-Moo. Cheers!!
TB: Mmmmmmmm is right. Mac n Cheese. Cheers!!
TB said CHEESE! I have an idea matt!!!
Wait...who's Mac??
Holy cow dude, you CLEAN, too? Tell Schmoop not to be a man-hog, send one my way - chef hat or not. ;-)
Possibly she was able to make her own brown gray, serve it up in the sack and the condom was a ruse.
Cheesy: Mmmmmmm Matt 'n' Cheese. Even Better. Cheers!!
Tug: I do it all Tug. I would make some girl a great wife. Cheers!!
Lu: I find that hard to...um...swallow. Cheers!!
Damn, someone else is flippin her burgers, eh? Big Trouble In Little Bagwine!
There is a sleep disorder where people eat in their sleep. I say give Schmoop the benefit of the doubt. She sleep cooked and ate.
As for the Condom..... Party Balloon blowing while asleep-disorder? I've heard of that too.... um, yeah.
Schmoop would never look elsewhere when she is blessed with all of your Matt-Manly-ness.
Jen
A condon, puddles of gravy and a chef's hat? Err... I am sure he didn't really mean anything to her and she loves you!
And err... maybe the chef is interested in a threesome? I mean if he makes a great steak.. ya know..
Starr: It's a tragedy of unspeakable proportions. Cheers Starr!!
Jen: I appreciate your attempts to smooth things over...I also believe that you would make a fine author of fiction books. ; ) Cheers!!
DB: I can't go for a threeway with a guy involved, especially one who would always smell like a restuarant kitchen. Cheers!!
As long as she finds it HARD to...um...swallow you should be fine.
Well, have you considered that the Chef might be a woman and that the condom was just used to catch the gravy in?
Nah, probably not...
ummm...gravy....haven't tried that yet....
Thats the kind of comment that gets the fricken cow award ? What a jipp! !
Lu: She is such a good actress. Cheers!!
DB: I hope not. That's disgusting...even for me. Cheers!!
Kat: WHORE!!!! Cheers Kat!!
Roger: I am sure you'll be Mooing loudly and proudly someday soon Roger. Cheers!!
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