Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Time Demands a Loving Hand

It’s funny…

Simply funny…


How a couple of minor changes in one’s life can completely throw things out of balance and routine.

It seems that minor happenings have thrown me into the middle of a whirlwind of scheduling conflicts, time constraints, and drunkenness anxiety.

I think it easier to confront and manage big changes in one’s routine and life. I guess the bigger they are, the more definable they are.

It’s the little things that can turn a person’s world upside down.

Kinda like after I boink a chick. I’ts just a little thing, and yet it never fails to turn the babe's world upside down.

Hence the phrase, “Once you go Matt, you never back.”

But I digress…

I feel like I am under incredible pressure and don’t know how I am going to get all of the things done during the day.

I hate to admit that I too, am a creature of habit, but I must level with you, the Matt-Man’s routine has been disrupted.

For instance, I got home late last night and subsequently woke up late this morning.

In order to get this posted now, I had to decide whether to shower first and masturbate later or vice-versa.

Needless to say the post is up…I am still dirty…and I have a smile on my face and a huge, sticky stain of Matt-Man Love on the front of my underwear.

I guess it will just take a week or so to adjust to these minor, yet earth shattering changes.

I hope that you will bear with me during this brief transition period of short and/or late posts, less frequent visits by moi, and whininess.

I am sure within 5-7 days I will be back in full force and once again dishing out my philosophical gems in typical Bagwine fashion.

Hopefully, you will stand by me during this, as well as delight in the fact that this post was written as I sat Half Nekkid, with jack-off goo running down my leg.

If that vision doesn’t make you want to hang around, I don’t know what will.

Cheers!!


This just in: A Scathing Review of Bagwine Ruminations.

78 comments:

Odat said...

I stopped reading when I saw you were still dirty!!! ;d

Peace

Matt-Man said...

Odat: Ha. Obviously retirement makes one wise. Cheers!!

ladyjaye82 said...

Hooray for Matt-Man Love in the morning!

Micky-T said...

I'm outta here!

Matt-Man said...

Ladyjaye: It is fresher and sweeter that the morning dew, LJ. Cheers!!

Micky: Awwww Mick...Was it something I said, or described? Cheers!!

Leighann said...

Yesterday someone asked me for a list of things I'd like to bathe in.... today I'm adding "Matt-Man's jack off goo" to it!

Matt-Man said...

Leighann: Ooooo Baby...I'd love to bathe you in a shower of that stuff. Cheers!!

Roger said...

Well thats something, I guess.

The Absurdist said...

I understand. When my dogs get off schedule, they pee and poop on my floor. Much like you.

Matt-Man said...

Roger: Ha. I love your succinct wisdom. Cheers!!

Abs: That is not true...I have never done either of those things, on your floor. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

Sily silly man.... do what I do when crunched for time....

Masturbate IN THE shower!

Jeff B said...

Sounds like you don't know whether you're cuming or going.

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...either that, or make me want to hang myself....

Matt-Man said...

Cheesy: Send me a water proof picture of you and I'll do just that. Cheers!!

Jeff: You are on a roll this week, ain't ya? Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Now that was just plain hurtful. Cheers P!!

Lu' said...

I thought I posted, there were no others? but it appears to be NOT. I mentioned that the beautiful post title doesn't give a hint to the final visual you paint. Muddy comes to mind. Nice hourglass pic. Take time, it's all good.

Lu' said...

Leighann you are randy aren't you. Can a gal be randy or is it just an adjective for guys, I think both.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: I dig how you alwways pick up on the nuances of my posts. And yes, chicks can be Randy. Cheers Lu!!

Dana said...

See what happens when I'm late to comment due to minor schedule changes that screw with my routine?? Cheesy takes my comment!

When one is crunched for time, matrubating IN the shower is always the answer. Multitasking at its best!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I was crushed when I didn't see you this morning.

I have trouble whacking in the shower because it reminds of a nightmare I had one night.

I dreamed I had sex with Barbara Bush underneath Niagra Falls. Cheers Dana!!

Winter said...

Dirty? Sticky? Now I'm all warm in my special places...

Jay said...

Ugh .. What's that smell? ;-)

Angell said...

Have to agree with cheesy and Dana - it's definately a time saver that's for sure. And then no mess afterwards. :D

Don't worry about us - we'll still be sitting in front of our monitors in our underwear waiting with baited breath for the next Bagwine installment...

Matt-Man said...

Jay: It is the musty goodness of Matt-Man. I really should bottle it and sell it. Cheers!!

Angell: I forget what you said after I read that you will be in front of your computer in your underwear. Cheers, Angell!!

Matt-Man said...

Winter: Ooops I passed you over. I guess I was thrown by the mention of your "special places". Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

Got a job, eh? They totally fubar things, don't they? Given my recent run of luck I am gonna start buying lotto tickets. Maybe I can give this place the one fingered salute!

Matt-Man said...

I picked up a part time gig, so like I said it's not major, but it's amazing how a little thing can muck the status quo up.

I think I have the time thing worked out though. Cheers!!

VE said...

Nothing personal Matt, but I don't think I'll be bearing anything with you! Ha ha ha.

Glad you prioritized that shower/masterbation thing though...

Starrlight said...

Oddly enough part time seems more disruptive cause it is usually outside the realm of mon-fri 8-5.

Desert Songbird said...

'Bout time you got a job, you lazy ass slacker.

Matt-Man said...

VE: Thanks. I have always thought...Sure it's good to be clean, but why bother if your balls are all backed up. Cheers!!

Starr: No, the hours are good mainly weekdays, but just was used to doing certain things at certain times. Cheers!!

Songbird: Thanks for your support. Cheers!!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Why Matt-Man I do believe you are having your period. Take two Midol's and try to get some rest. In a couple of days the cramps will subside and you'll sail right thought the rest of the week. :)

Desert Songbird said...

No problem. You know I love ya still, right?

Micky-T said...

Going to work, really does get in the way of living ehh?

Matt-Man said...

Sandee: Ha. That's a pretty good analogy Sandee. Well Done. Cheers!!

Songbird: Riiiight. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I have been humping it, just not like this. Cheers!!

Tug said...

I hope the purple panties wash well.

I only have 2 loving hands, and they are SELF-loving hands; I've got nothin' left for time.

Calamity said...

You're up! You've been reviewed.

Bond said...

SO a part time job...are you cleaning the windows in those porno booths where the girls dance behind the glass?

Bond said...

OH...and i KNEW they would like you....

KNEW it..I have to start cursing more and describing the way the jism rolls down my long shaft after i explode....

Matt-Man said...

Tug: I'd enjoy it if my hands could meet yours. Cheers!!

Calamity: Thanks. I'll be over!! Cheers!!

Bond: Noooooo. I am starring in porno films. Cheers Vin!!

Tug said...

For you, I would share my loving hands.

AWESOME review, but duh - how could she NOT like Matt.

Desert Songbird said...

I'd say that blog review of you is pretty spot on.

Despite it all, we still adore you, Matty me darlin'.

Farts and all.

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Rolling jism is only funny if you put it the right way. Juvenile humor is an art form. Cheers!!

Tug: It was pretty accurate. Now bring me the hands of Tug. Yum. Cheers!!

Songbird: I write better than she said, in my opinion, but everything else was right on.

I Smile 2 Much said...

um, wait. hold up.

did i just read you enjoyed a niagra falls/ barbara bush dream?! um, yikes.

so i was frightened 1st reading this post of yours & now THAT?! ; ) (LOL)

u are SUCH a sticky, dirty guy! ; )

it was no nightmare- i bet u LUV'd that dream, i'm almost sure of it ; ) (j/k!) ; )

Matt-Man said...

Smile: It was a nightmare...Especially if it turned out that I was the one who got her pregnant and was responsible for spawing Dubya!! Cheers!!

On a limb with Claudia said...

ahahahah! I thought that "Once you go Matt" meant door mat. Once you become a doormat you never go back.... ;)

metalmom said...

Nothing says "love" like a Half-Nekkid Matty with goo on his leg!

Micky-T said...

You know Matt-Man after reading that review it makes me think they were TRYING to nail you to the wall but they couldn't stop laughing enough to make you stick.

Please carry on, we'll follow you anywhere!

Matt-Man said...

On A Limb: Exactly!! I mean...um...you're rig...yes. Okay. Cheers!!

Metal: You know just how to warm my cockles. Purrrr. Cheers!!

Micky: Why Thanks Mick!! Colors,and punctuation? Is that all they got? Cheers and Thanks again!!

Mo said...

And here all the time I thought it was "Once you go Matt, you run like hell!"

Turnbaby said...

They like you, they really like you LOLOLOL

leelee said...

At first read this morning I was speechless. You see I had just woken up and must admit there was a little too much information for me to process before coffee.

That being said...I too hate it when real life interferes with my blogging.

I think your review was favorable..I bet you didn't know you were being graded on grammar and syntax.

Look...the long and short of it all is YOU ROCK MATT-MAN!!

HUGS!!

Starrlight said...

It's a well known fact that grammar nazi's have sexual inadequacy issues ;)

Matt-Man said...

Mo: Aw Mo. C'mon. People love my obelisk. Cheers!!

TB: Yesssss. Just call me the Flying Nun. Cheers!!

Leelee: You are too kind. And that's why I do this, for people like you...Oh an dfor the outside chance I may pick up some chicks. Cheers!!

Starr: I've noticed that, and if the opposite is true, I am one large and in charge piece of man meat. Cheers!!

Mr. Fabulous said...

You know...those stained underwear would make a kick ass prize.

Matt-Man said...

Mr Fab: There's not a contest anywhere that could live up to the worth of that prize. Cheers!!

Jahooni said...

Take all the time you need, we'll still be here. I mean, com on' do you think our lives are that much more important? ;)~

And if this is a Ploy to get rid of the Jahooni, then your're WRONG and Mistaken. I ain't going no where... well except maybe to masturbate while thinking of your sticky goo and all. Mnnnnmmmmm!

Jamie said...

Just read the rave and agree completely. Not quite sure how you do it (it must be that Great Dane puppy quality), but what would get you ejected forever if it came from any other male of the species as a gross out never to be seen again waste of human flesh, in you is mildly risque endearing charm.

You can wag your tail and lick my face now.

Lu' said...

Read the review; psshhaahh. I like the bagwine banner/header. Post font colors are fine. I agree with you Matt-Man, you do write better than reviewed. I disagree with the comparing you to the guys from high school and college, in that they had no sense of style. Oh there is style and it makes sense. :) Possibly the reviewer just doesn't get it, too bad.

Jahooni said...

Okay I waited long enough... I am OUTTA HERE! ;)~

Matt-Man said...

Jahooni: I think it moved. Cheers!!

Jamie: Ha. I don't think I can add to that comment especially the last line. Thanks Jamie, and Cheers!!

Lu: I don't get that thing about the "unpolished writing" either. I think I write exactly in a style that emualtes everyday speech.

If I wanted to write a dissertation, I would do it differently. And thanks for your kind words. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Jahooni: Don't leave me Jahooooooni. Don't leave me!! Cheers!!

Lu' said...

What is wrong in writing for the everyday man/woman? Could that be precisely why we like coming here?

Starrlight said...

Finally read the review. You do write better than you were given credit. It's not easy writing about bowel movements and prayer hankies and not have it suck. You are the height of social satire.

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Thanks...No big deal, just one person's opinion, and you're right, I think people come here because it's like talking with a friend or in some cases with themselves. Cheers Lu!!

Starr: Thanks, and you're right damn it. Who else can talk about those things with the same level of elan and panache? Cheers Dear!!

Starrlight said...

My point exactly! Purposefully written "aw shucks" is not nearly as easy as one might think! I like to consider myself a good writer, but you own!

Matt-Man said...

Starr: I don't know if I own, but it is hard to make the mundane and someitmes infantile into intelligently written humor. And I looove reading you. Cheers!!

P.S. Wednesday's post will be a good example of writing about a seemingly mundane, everyday object. : )

It will be up soon. I have altered my schedule.

Starrlight said...

You are such a rebel! And thank you for the compliment ;)

Biscuit said...

I would have been extremely disappointed in you if you'd said you were clean.

Glad to see your priorities aren't out of whack.

heh...whack.

Matt-Man said...

Starr: You're welcome my fellow rebellious Aquarian. Cheers!!

Biscuit: Hee Hee. Always nice to see you I really need to link you so I don't forget to pop by. Cheers!!

Marilyn said...

I'm just selfish enough to be glad that you're time away from blogging seems to coincide with my own. I won't be missing as much.

Travis said...

I'll support you during this time of transition. I'll just be in the other room behind the plastic tarp.

Cheers!

jennifer said...

Read the post and was.... stunned commentless? Then I read the review and linked back to your blog and read about your son and...I'm dizzy. I had to comment cause I LIKED your post so much. About thiiiiiiiiis <-----------> close to being a Daddy blog.

I liked the way she said she just couldn't help but like Matt-Man. She could nit-pick the layout, but you won her over. Congrats.

Jennifer

Kimmie said...

Wow MM...thanks for sharing....I think...LOL!

Hugs,
Kimmie

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: I think I have already worked things out on the schedule thing. But if you're not around what's the use. You're Funny!! Cheers!!

Travis: Ha. Very Good. Cheers Travis!!

Jennifer: Why thanks Jennifer. I may be abrasive, offensive, and gross at times, but I do love my Little Man with all my heart. Cheers!!

Kimmie: Ha...Everything has been cleaned up. ; ) Cheers Kimmie!!

katherine. said...

not a bad review....

looking forward to tomorrow!

Ginormous Boobs said...

I'm sticking around in hopes you'll send a little Matt Love this way.