Saturday, May 17, 2008

Bi-Carbonated Dreams

It’s not going to be a good day here in Bagwine, Ohio.

I did not sleep well at all.

I mean, I was pretty comfortable, but I kept tossing and turning due to a strange dream.

I dreamed that I was at some type of huge family gathering. Everybody was there.

Even Mom and Dad were there and let me tell you, they look pretty damn good for a couple of dead people.

Anyway, several of the younger ones got quite angry with me because I tripped over my niece’s plastic guitar.

They kept saying, “He broke it!! He Broke it!!”

I didn’t break it; there wasn’t even a mark on it. So, I got into a fist fight with my niece and a half dozen other Children of the Corn.

I won, but I didn’t get a chance to celebrate, because the dream shifted gears.

I began having a discussion with an ex sister-in-law, about Catholic doctrine, and sex. The ex SIL kept calling herself, Eva Marie, but that’s not her name.

Soon after, I am sitting next to two writers from the Letterman Show. One guy is laughing because he came up with a funny bit.

He said, “We’ll have everybody stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance, but then direct them to the food line.”

WTF? The three of us thought that was funny.

Out of the blue I get a phone call, without being near a phone, and start talking to an old friend of mine.

He asks me, “Do you guys celebrate it there?” He asks me this three or four times, “Do you guys celebrate it there?”

I finally screamed, “Celebrate What?” And he says, “Alka Seltzer Day.”

Just then Speedy, the Alka Seltzer dude picks up the plastic guitar and starts dancing…I woke up.

And now, our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…




This week's COW comes to us from my Half Nekkid Thursday, clambake picture post.

I think Jo of My Place for Whatever, probably captured the feel of how many readers feel when coming here, when she said...

"Sweet Mother of Pearl. You bring "Fun with scissors, paper & glue" to a new level.

Every time I come to Matt-Land I end up a little traumatized...but I keep coming back! You're like a voodoo witchdoctor."

Congrats to Jo for ropin' this week's COW, and for the compliment. Click HERE to swing by Jo's and congratulate her.

Have a lovely Saturday. I am off to do some frickin' yardwork over at Ryno's. Man, I need some Alka-Seltzer-Less sleep.

Cheers!!

37 comments:

Odat said...

Oh I'm so glad I'm not inside your head....;-)

I spit my coffee out at "It's Alka Selzer Day"!

Congrats to Jo! Good one!!!


Peace

Schmoop said...

Odat: It was very odd. I didn't even have an upset stomach or a hangover. WTF? Cheers!!

leelee said...

It's probably NOT a good idea to ingest peyote before bed! Lesson Learned!

Take it slow today Matt...afterall it's alka seltzer day!

HUGS!!

Schmoop said...

Leelee: Well, I had to start using peyote to ease the withdrawals after refraining from using psilocybin.

Happy Alka-Seltzer Day to you too. Cheers!!

Cheesy said...

^5 jo~~

Matt.. what the hell did you have for dinner??

Schmoop said...

Cheesy: That's another thing. I just had two cheeseburgers without buns, and some noodles. Nothing wacky. Hmmmm. Cheers, and enjoy the heat!!

Anonymous said...

Glad to see I'm not the only one having wild dreams. I dreamed Charles Manson was after me and a cute british boy I've been pining after. Very weird.

The Ferryman said...

That dream includes so many of my favorite things.

I think I would like to experience the coitus with you.

Desert Songbird said...

Let's see what kind of dreams you have tonight after inhaling fresh cut grass and lawn mower fumes during the day.

And stay off the green WIR.

Dana said...

CONGRATULATIONS Jo! I especially enjoyed the pearl reference *wink*

... and Matt-Man, maybe you should try Pepcid Complete next time ...

Schmoop said...

Lady Jaye: Which is Creepier? Manson or that Speedy dude? Cheers!!

Mr. Fab: I have taken a vow of celibacy. Cheers!!

Songbird: I don't ouch the green WIR. I tried it once...Not Good. Cheers!!

Dana: I think I just need to drink more. Maybe I won't dream at all. Cheers!!

Jeff B said...

Plop-Plop

Fizz-Fizz

Oh what a relief it is...

Well, that's the sound and the feeling when I take a dump into a toilet bowl filled with bicarbonate of soda anyway.

Congrats to Jo.

Anonymous said...

If I dreamed about a family gathering I'd call it a nightmare too. ;)

Schmoop said...

Jeff: You always take the conversation to a higher level.. Cheers!!

CrAzY: I'm an oddity. I actually like family get togethers. My entire family is comprised of humorous smart-asses. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

Speedy is a close personal friend of mine!!

Schmoop said...

Metal: I always figured you for a closet Bicarbonate user. Cheers!!

Anonymous said...

You had pizza and beer again for a midnight snack, didn't ya?

Tug said...

The dream is fitting, since you make us plop and fizz each & every day...

I'm not sure what that means. ;-)

Congrats to Jo!!

Schmoop said...

DB: Nope. Pizza is Sunday nights. I don't know what the catalyst was. Cheers, and I love your tongue!!

Tug: I'll take that as a compliment, whether you meant it that way or not. ; )~ Cheers Bay-Bay!!

Anonymous said...

You love my tongue? awww... Maybe it can do a cameo in your next dream, lol

Schmoop said...

DB: Oh my, if only I was that lucky. Rowwwrrrrr. Yum. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

Brava Jo! She is fabulous isn't she!?

I feel ya matt-man. The last time I had a freakish dream night it ended with me beating the shit out of Beyonce using Mariah's head as the weapon.

I think the Alka-Seltzer dude is really a drug dealer.

Hope you get some sleep this weekend ;)

desert rat said...

Do you think that Speedy kind of looks like Howdy Doody, only without freckles (and ignoring the fact that his body is a giant fizz-inducing tablet)? That alone would qualify as a nightmare.

I thought the part about standing to say the Pledge of Allegiance and then being directed to a food line was prophetic.

Hope you sleep better this evening.

desert rat said...

And congrats to Jo for roping the cow!

Jo said...

Wahooey, I went to a clambake & scored a cow! This is right up there with that time I won a turkey playing bingo--those old ladies were so pissed, it was delightful.

Thanks, Matt!!!

You're not supposed to fist-fight with little people, just pick em up & throw them before they gnaw off your legs.

Have a great weekend!

j said...

Tums taste better, but they don't have a cute/weird spokesperson.

Just Sayin'.

Maybe you should drug yourself to sleep like I do - Benadryl makes me sleep like the dead. And I rarely sneeze.

Happy Weekend to you Matt-Man!

Ken said...

Reading that....I got to tell you, I wished it didn't end.

If it's a dream or whatever, mindless babble like that touches an inner funny bone in me. I swear, I wanted that dream of yours to go on and on!

My dream last night was my 93 year old MIL driving a 60' motor boat with me around the backyard.

I want more!!!

Marilyn said...

I'm not talking about my dreams... but at least I don't feel so alone anymore.

Janna said...

Happy Alka-Seltzer Day!
Hallmark totally needs to start making cards for that.

And, BTW, "Speedy" isn't always a great nickname to have, if you get my drift. :)

Ripple said...

Well, look on the bright side (if you can call it that), at least it wasn't a dream about Paris Hilton.

Schmoop said...

Desert Rat: By golly, he does look like Howdy Doody. Slept great last night, thanks. Cheers!!

Dianne: I agree, Speedy is a meth dealer. Not question about it. Cheers!!

Jo: Congrats!! Yeah, those old ladies don't play well with others at the Bingo Parlor. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Jen: I love TUMS, especially the fruit ones. Wow, I got kinda excited about that. Cheers!!

Mick: Ha. Now that's adream I'd like to see. Cheers!!

Marilyn: Our dementia is something that you and I can always share. Cheers!!

Schmoop said...

Janna: Ha. Yeah, fortunately I haven't been labeled, Speedy, very often. Cheers!!

Paul: Thanks for stopping by. And damn, you are soooo right. Cheers!!

Travis Cody said...

Speedy always freaked me out a little.

Cinnamon Girl said...

In my early 20's every day was Alka Seltzer Day :P

Schmoop said...

Travis: I am right, he is creepy isn't he? Cheers Trav!!

Starr: I have been addicted to TUMS, but I have weaned myself from them. Cheers!!

Ginormous Boobs said...

I needed to celebrate Alka Seltzer Day today after the bad pizza I had last night.