I had a few funny things prepared for this Sunday’s Service.
It was a post about lesbians, (not you in particular, Deb, although, my oh my, purrrrrr), but my mood was altered a bit.
So, instead, I have a few questions…
Have you ever felt alone in a room full of strangers?
Have you ever felt like the world is a psychiatric couch, and you are the world’s only shrink?
Do you ever get tired of justifying your feelings or actions?
Are you known to be open about everything but when it comes to interpersonal feelings, you are not believed?
Has anybody, and not jokingly, called you a loser?
Have you ever stayed up late to type a list of questions in order to get things off of your mind?
Do you ever cry?
Have people ever looked upon you as a clown, a jester, or a fool, and therefore never considered your feelings?
Do you have answers to everybody’s problems, and yet, when you have an issue, everyone expects you to figure it out on your own?
Have ever experienced unrequited love?
Have ever been yelled at for no apparent reason?
Have you recently wanted to tell the entire world to go to Hell?
Has anyone ever spit in your face?
Have you ever felt the need to scratch the seeping sore on your balls?…(okay, that was a joke…well, for some of us)
Have you ever said to yourself, “Why don’t people like me?”
If you can answer no to any, or most of these questions, bless your heart. You must be in good stead.
I for one can answer yes to all of them. And for some reason, tonight, it all caught up with me.
Some of these ghosts are recent and some are forever dangling on the cobwebs of history, but for some reason, they all haunted me yesterday.
I am working all fricking day today, so I shall catch up with you all tomorrow, and then maybe we will have lesbian talk.For our Sunday Serenade…From the Delicate Sound of Thunder, Pink Floyd. Enjoy…
Cheers!!
Catch Turnbaby's BTR Show tonight at 8 EDT. For details, click HERE.
34 comments:
I can pretty much answer "NO" to the sore on the balls question. Thank goodness.
For the rest of them I would probably answer "yes." Including the being called a loser question. That pretty much sucked. And being called a "pig" didn't make me feel all that great either now that I think about it.
Hope tomorrow is a better day Matt-Man.
Jay: Somtimes, people just suck. And yes, I should have noted that my balls have never seeped.
I don't know...Something just set me off tonight. Tomorrow will be just fine. Cheers Jay!!
I can identify with most of those questions, except the balls question. I'm not sure I want to know the backstory behind that one.
Having bipolar disorder has caused people to call me all sorts of cruel names over the years, and it never seems to get any easier.
I was at a lesbian bar last night, just thought I'd tell you :p
Nickie: Why are some people so hateful? I mean, I am not just being trite with this question. I just don't understand it. Cheers Nick!!
I can't identify with the balls thing either guys.
Matt, I wish that I could say something to make you feel better, a word smooch to your heart boo-boo. I got nothin' except that I feel bad cause you feel bad. And I have a feeling that all of the people who care about you are going to word smooch you on this post. You know everyone comes here to get our smiles from you cause we are living with similar crap in our lives. Time to give back to Matt-Man. Hang in there my friend.
Jennifer
Jen: Oh I'm fine...I'm always fine. The only thing is, "Am I fine because I let these things roll off my back, or because I hold them in?"
Additionally, check out the link to Deb, you may like her. She writes really well, and always has a Christian kinda message. Thanks and Cheers!!
"Unrequited love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired."
Wikipedia
I have to say this question got to me the most. I am sorry if you are feeling internally miserable. This to shall pass. Keep your chin up my friend.
Hugs,
Kimmie
((((((((((((((((((matt)))))))))))
this too shall pass, but then again, you already know that.
It seems to me you don't hold these things in at all...you posted these questions so you know they are affecting you,and you decided to let them out. that's a good thing! .... we can all relate..(cept for the balls thing for me)...
Word SMOOCH and of course HUGS!! my friend..
I haven't ever felt the need to scratch the seeping sore on my balls, but when I worked in the STD clinic in Korea, I *saw* seeping sores on other people's balls ... does that count??
Ironic that I would address the funny part of your post rather than the "feeling" part, isn't it? Funny is much easier for me than feeling - far less vulnerable - I bet you already know that from a personal perspective though ...
((((((matt))))))) Hugs are wonderful.
I do a lot of journaling, it helps. And it's ok to feel that way...just shows you're human.
Find someone to let it all out with....
Peace
Sorry life has you by the balls right now.
Don't let the bastards get you down, I think you're a hell of a guy.
This is different, but I also think it's good.
Just saying, that through my 50 something years when my brain takes me to the place where you seem to be, during this post, I try to eat it up. Come on, I tell myself, what else can I pull into this pile of shit my mind has me in? Get it over with, feel bad, feel miserable, screw me!!! I try to dig right into those feelings.
When the time is right, it passes away, as swift as a fart in a gale!
Just saying, I'm my own best shrink! Ha.
I'm glad you let that all out. I hope it helped. It helped me. I've been having a bit of a pity party/rage rage the past few days - or maybe my whole life!? and it helps to see that I'm not alone in these feelings/questions.
It especially helps when the person sharing those similar emotions is someone you admire.
I think you're a great person matt - unless you have a ghost writer - it comes through in all your posts. Even the most outrageous irreverent posts have heart and soul.
If I was there I'd just hug your ass to death. :)
Thanks to all of you. I'll get back with you all tonight. Cheers you lovely Mo-Fos!!
frequently
occassionally
oh yeah
not often
no
way too often
so?
humor is my shield
sigh
heavy sigh
yeah...but no big deal
nah...I have hermit tendancies
not yet
nope...never
not in a realy long time
somedays it really does all catch up to you doesn't it...something's in the air...maybe its the phase of the moon...?
"some of them are forever dangling on the cobwebs of history"
that is a great line...
So my mood snagged you too, eh? Must be something in that jug of water we haul around. For the record
1. Every fucking day.
2. Ditto. And I am underpaid.
3. Yup. That is when people think I have feelings. I usually get dubbed the ice princess.
4. LOL...omg yes.
5. Yup, myself included.
6. Oh hell yes and I have wonderful out loud conversations with myself too. Usually wine is involved. On a bad day...bourbon.
7. About the world and others yes. About my own personal demons? I allow myself a good one every couple of months or I get manic from the "I'm Fine" chant.
8. Yes I called it marriage 1 and 2
9. To a certain degree. See todays post over at my blog. Oddly enough when I want help I get none, when I don't want help I am Dear Abby'd to death.
10. Not unrequited. He loved me and probably still does 24 years down the road. Sometimes the timing is just off and love is not enough.
11. Yes and smack on the head with a hair brush for good measure.
12. Every fucking day :P
13. Nope I can't say this has happened. I have be swung at a few times though. Sucked to be them.
14. Balls :P
15. Interestingly enough I have never asked why people don't like me. And by me I mean the real me, not the court jester persona....tell me Matt how many times have you heard "you should have been a comedian!" Heartwarming when you think about how many of them are depressed as hell and off themselves actively or passivly :P
As to the ghosts, there is that line I love so much....
Dancing with the devils past has never been too fun...
Oh, Matt-Man. As Leelee said, "this too shall pass." I've had those days where I just want to sob my eyes out - the sun does come out once again. Honest.
And...
Yes
All the friggin' time
Ditto
Sometimes
Not to my face - I'd punch them (seriously - go ahead and try it)
Not questions - but a dialogue
Yes - more often than I would like.
YES!
Ditto!
Yes
No - Sadly, there is usually a reason. And I must note that I think men more frequently get yelled AT than women (we're generally the yellers) - just my observation.
Yes! "In a hand basket!"
No - no spit
Not on my balls but I can worry a really good zit for a week or better.
Big Yes to that last one.
And how about this question: How can someone claim to be one of your "best friends" and then when you are no longer useful dump you on the curb? No real thanks for all you've done. No calls just to say, "Hello, how are you, is the chiropractor helping, is the pain getting better? I miss you? Let's have coffee?"
Unrequited love? Finding out that you thought you mattered and you don't is kind of like that, I think.
Be kind to yourself, Dearheart.
Hugs, think you need them....been there done this and will do it again. Have a great week dude, I'm offline this week for surgery and turning another year older the same day.
I like it when you peel your scab back and show us Raw-Man. It's not easy, but at times needs to be done. I'm sure you've made every single person who came here today think and sometimes it takes someone else to open up our eyes and make that happen.
xoxo
I've not had the balls scab but a lot of the rest.
At least you have an outlet here sugar and a lot of folks who can, if nothing else, commiserate and let you know you are not alone in absorbing some of the shitstorms of life.
SMOOCH
Sometimes life is the suck. Those who can't deal with it get therapy, and those who can deal with it do and then get on with it.
Hang in there.
Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails. I'm feelin' a whole lot better now. Cheers, Bitches!!
Sorry it took me so long to visit.
Yeah.
I feel your pain, friend.
Songbird: No apologies needed, pal. Cheers!!
That made my heart hurt, Matt. We've all been there, and I guess that's why I'm really feeling for you...I think you're a very sweet man who feels & thinks deeply. Even from my first shock-&-awe experience of your humor, I saw that behind the funnies. It's a great thing to laugh together, but only if we're being seen.
I hope you settle this all as just the crap life and people sometimes deal us...and get on with your getting on, chin up, Matt.
About the balls---I don't have 'em but if I did, they'd be made of stainless steel...it's naturally antibacterial!
Can't say I've ever been thought a clown but I haven had everything catch up to me and overwhelm me. In fact, I'm prolly due again. (Greeaaat.) Nice Pink Floyd. Timeless and ever emotive. Since I'm late to comment and no one else is around... MUAH! Luvs ya, Matt!
Hey, when the world gives you lemons...you're one ingredient closer to Mojitos!
I'm almost all "yeses" to those questions.
Jo: Thanks for the luvs. All is well now. Cheers Jo!!
Winter: Why thank ya dear. And hopefully, starting tomorrow I will be back to my regular blog visiting routine. Cheers Bay-bay!!
VE: Ha, you're a mess. Cheers!!
Nick: It sucks doesn't it? Oh well, we're stronger for it I guess, Nick. At least that's how I rationalize it. Cheers!!
See? You are loved Matt-Man!
Jen
Jen: Yeah, I know, and trust me, I apprecite it. Sometimes the dark side just creeps in once in awhile. Cheers Jen!!
I hope the funk has gone far far away Matt...I answered yes to them all too.
Well, except the whole balls thing. Ya' know. ;-)
Tug: Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it? But I do so enjoy living. Cheers Pal!!
Yes to lots of them... not the balls thing, though there is some rust on my trailer hitch ball thingy.
People are crappy. Almost all people are crappy. There are lots of crappy people that seem nice until you need them or depend on them for something and then they are crappy. I am not feeling very social lately.
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