My Excitement is Close to Peking!!

I’m off today and I am going to spend it working on a new Matt-Man for President ad.

Well…Until my Campaign Chief of My Staff comes home early this afternoon.

When she gets home, the work on the ad will have to wait, as we have a backdoor…er…closed door strategy meeting scheduled.

However, before I begin my work on the aforementioned ad, I want you all to know that I have taken ill.

It’s true, I have a bad case of the 2008 Summer Olympics Fever…

Okay, maybe not a full blown fever, but at the very least, my body is stricken with the symptoms of a mild bout of Asian flu, and perhaps a touch of Montezuma’s Revenge.

Yes, the Olympic games begin August 8th, taking place in that mecca of Capitalism, Chinese Restaurants, seismic activity, and polluted air.

No, not Los Angeles, ya goofballs…Beijing, China!!

I actually always have enjoyed the Summer Olympics. I enjoy the boxing, basketball, and as I grow older I really enjoy vicariously running really fast through others.

I am more excited this year because there are a couple of new events being held on a trial basis. Events with a distinctively Asian flavor.

First up, is a woman’s event that involves agility, speed, and well developed embryonic skills.

The Rice Paddy Biathalon…

Yes indeed, this event places female athletes within a two acre rice paddy and each woman has 15 minutes to harvest as many bushels of rice as she can and birth as many babies as she is able.

Each Paddycake, as they are called, receives 1 point for each bushel of rice collected and 3 points for each child that drops from their womb.

The current World Record is held by Lee-Ki Pi of Vietnam.

After a slow start during the 2006 Asian Games, which saw her harvest 15 bushels of rice yet drop only two baby boys in the first twelve minutes...

Ms. Pi snatched five more bushels and with three seconds left, dropped a set of bouncing female triplets!!

With her incredible score of 35, she received her gold medal.

Unfortunately, all three of the baby girls were quickly killed off for they are a burden to the family in particular and the Vietnamese economy in general.

When asked by a reporter how she felt about this, Pi replied, “We go to Disneyworld now, Big Boy?”

Another fun event scheduled is the fast and furious, American Flag Sewing Dash.

This event is comprised of three bolts of nylon, needle and thread, and grim human determination.

Each contestant sews his oriental ass off to determine who can sew an American Flag the quickest.

The current World Record was set late last year by a 14 year old Chinese boy named Yu So Ho. He created a perfectly done 3 x 5 version of Old Glory in a mere 1 minute and 57 seconds.

He will not be participating in the Olympics because after hearing the news of his skills, Wal*Mart hired him to the post of President of its, Asian-Made American Flag Waving Division.

Along with the job, Wal*Mart signed Ho to an incredibly lucrative 6 year/$702.00 contract.

Since Ho, is not participating, the odds on favorite is an 11 year old kid from Thailand named, Phuket Khunt.

Phuket is referred to as, "The Big Tsew-Nami".

Excitement abounds!! I can’t wait. Somebody strike up, “Theme for the Common Man”!!

Have a great Thursday all; I hope your day is made of not only gold, but silver and bronze as well.

Cheers!!