As you know, this week, I am just kinda takin’ it easy from posting anything that takes any thought.Phonin' it in, as it were...
Yeah, I heard some of you laughing…I really do put thought into many of them, so shut up.
I am just trying to recharge what‘s left of my grey matter and relax a bit.
Well, lo and behold, this week I am going to get quite a bit of recharging and um…relaxment?
I know, but from now on, relaxment IS a word.
Schmoop, sensing my mental tension and sexual distress due to Aunt Flo messin’ with Sid for an inordinate amount of time is bringin’ home the bacon…so to speak.
She is taking Thursday and Friday off. So, since the R-Man is in Chicagoland and I won't be with him…
Tonight after I get home, through Sunday morning, Schmoop and I will be participating in:
Flesh-Fest 2: Revenge of the Engorged Member.
I have already been stocking up on the essential party supplies such as Bagwine, beer, smokes, and Cheez Whiz.
Also, between now and Thursday morning I will be eating six dozen eggs, three pounds of bacon, and four dozen ribeye steaks in order to get my protein levels up.
I am feeling relaxment just thinking about it…and feeling more than a bit aroused.
I guess I should pick up a box of oyster crackers. Schmoop and I have a neat little trick we do with them.
I can place one in her Hoo-Ha and she can turn on her Kegel skills and pop an oyster cracker eight feet across the room right into my mouth.
I never get any closer when performing this feat, because once I was only four feet away and she damn near put my right eye out.
The sultry wench has got some well developed pubococcygeus muscles.
No, I didn’t make THAT word up. Google it, if ya don’t believe me.
Man, this is so very liberating…not worrying about meaning, substance, or content when I post.
Again, with the laughter, folks? Why I oughta…
I am beginning to feel refreshed already. It is nice of Schmoop to take time off and spend it with me at a time when I need it most.
Sure, I’m gonna miss Ryno over the next two weeks, but it’s good to know that I still have my best friend by my side.
My wish for you all, is that you have somebody like that in your life, and if you don’t, I truly hope you find someone like that soon.
Cheers!!
51 comments:
"I can place one in her Hoo-Ha and she can turn on her Kegel skills and pop an oyster cracker eight feet across the room right into my mouth."
I think you totally made this up, and without video evidence I call shenanigans. ;-)
It will be like streamin fridays all week! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Jay: I wouldn't make up something so warm, so human, so carnival-type freaky. Cheers Jay!!
Cheesy: Ha. Yeah it has been and will remain so. It's very cathartic. Cheers Cheesy!!
pu·bo·coc·cy·ge·us (pyb-kk-sj-s)
n.
A muscle formed of the fibers of the elevator muscle of the anus, arising from the pelvic surface of the body of the pubis, and attaching to the coccyx.
What in hell were you doing to find this word? Shit!, now I have to look up coccyx; sounds cuckoo:]
Al: You typing that out just made me incredibly hot. That muscle makes the pelvic floor go BOO YAH. Cheers Al!!
Enjoy, Matt! Unless I get lucky in San Diego this coming weekend, I'm not getting any. So you better get lots! ;)
i'll never be able to look at oyster crackers without laughing out loud
great post
Oyster crackers, huh? I prefer Cheese-it's - I find the corners give me a little better grip thus increasing projectile distance!
Winter: I'll make sure to get some extra just for you. Cheers Winter!!
Char: Ha. Thanks. Think of me if you ever have a bowl of Clam Chowder. Cheers!!
Dana: Ouch!! Don't the sharp corners and the salt leave painful abrasions? Cheers Sexy!!
You're driving me mad with all this sex talk. I may have to hire a male hooker.
Lady Jaye: Gimme a call...I work cheaply; in your case, free. Cheers!!
Thanks for the romantic wish Matt, I was thinking of getting involved with my divorce lawyer but she charges to much a hour!
Roger: Ha. Always here to help. And even if she didn't charge at all, I don't think it is ever advisable to get involved with a divorce lawyer. Cheers!!
You said member...Hee Hee!!! Let the games begin!
Schmoop: Ha. Rowwwwwr. T-Minus 12.5 hours. I bought two boxes of crackers and a case of Cheez Whiz. Since I was feelin' kinky I picked up some Fruit Roll-Ups as well. Cheers!!
What???? NO Sloppy Joe mix?????
Bond: Funny you mention that; there is a can of Manwich in the cabinet. Mattwich, anyone? Cheers Vin!!
You guys are roaring to go!
What do you mean you don't "get it" the Quaker Man is an old friend of mine, haven't you poked into my archives oh master Matt Man? Check back there now for some glassed over, days of old.
Micky: I am off all day tomorrow, and will peruse the dark history of the Mickster.
Well, when I'm not knockin' one off. Cheers Mick!!
Poor Schmoop! You so take advantage of that woman!
Peace
Odat: Poor Schmoop?...Puleeeze. She handles herself quite well, and I think she would tell you I am quite nice to her...No, really. Cheers Odat!!
You couldn't spring for the spray can of Cheez Whiz?
Interesting that you mention fruit roll ups. I was discussing a project with Dana involving fruit roll up edible undies. You and the sexy Schmoop could be the test study.
Knight: I use the jar, 'cause there is only one nozzle touching Schmoop.
We would be more than happy to try out your idea. Why can't sex be fun as well as nutritional? Cheers Knight!!
Wow Matt-Man, what a coincidence! I had tits with cheese whiz and side of oyster crackers for dinner last night!
Mt. Cat: Is there anything better? No, NO, I say. Good for you. Cheers!!
Yeah I think Schmoop runs the show, frankly :P
Kegels are fun. I do them at red lights. For no apparent reason since it has been ages since I have gotten laid, but old habits (and vajayjays) die hard :P
Starr: Enjoy your stop light fun.
Schmoop does NOT run things. We have a democracy here. Unfortunately, my ideas are typically shot down by a vote of 1-0. Cheers!!
Oh like you REALLY expect us to believe that you are not all PW??? Laughing, laughing, laughing....
I love the sentimental Matt Man. Cute. Can you vlog the oyster cracker trick?
TB: Schmoop!!! Schmoop!!! Throw me a bone here. People are attacking my manly independence.
Oh sorry...Cheers TB!! ;)
Karen: Ha. If I can vlog that...I will be famous...but not as famous as Schmoop. Cheers Karen!!
He is NOT Pussy Whipped! I am Dick Whipped!! There is a difference ya know;)
Schmoop: Wow...I love it when you do me justice. And you, my dear, do it unlike any other, if ya know what I mean. Rowwrrrr. Cheers Schmoop!!
I thought relaxment was a word!
Ooo...you could make a Bushism out of it. Relaxtamafication......a combo of relaxing and fornicating!
Dianne: That is what sets you apart from the the other primates. Cheers Di!!
Starr: Don't you dare ruin the coolness of my new word by invoking his name. Cheers!!
Well it was a bush oriented post ;)
Boink and be happy as the saying should go...
Starr: Bada Bing. I guess it was. Cheers Starr!!
Lu: I hope to be happy on more than a few occasions. Cheers Lu!!
...as much as I like oyster crackers, I like Moe Howard better!...
Ohfrankie: Ha. That's one of my fave Stooges shorts. Cheers!!
i have to go with jay on this...salty crackers in the nether regions...hmmm wouldn't that smart a bit? dunno...but yes, the tone of this post was great! hoep your whole mini vacay is like that!
I need some nice relaxing days like this!
Blue: Thanks for the well wishes. I'll try not to let anyone "down". Cheers Blue!!
Michelle: The next few days should be quite relaxing...I hope you find the same in your future. Cheers!!
This post made me all warm and fuzzy inside..
Enjoy!!!
HUGS!
Leelee; Just seeing your cute smile makes me all warm and fuzzy. Cheers Cutie!!
**copies down relaxment, double checks spelling**
And it's 18 points in Scrabble.
Evil: Noooo, that would make it appear as though shee had an uncatalogued STD. Cheers!!
Trav: Ha. Very Good. Cheers!!
I would have liked to see the youtube clip as well...
I would have liked to see the youtube clip as well...
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