2008 Presidential/Vice Presidential Action Figures

Yes folks, start your Christmas shopping now.

And, Boy Howdy, do I have a gift idea for your younger ones.

Your kids can not only spend Holy Baby Jeebus’ Birthday playing with the hottest action figure since Bangkok Heroin Den Barbie…

They can also get an invaluable lesson in civics and the American political process.

That’s right folks; the 2008 Presidential/Vice Presidential Action Figures are now available.

You need details? I got your details right here, bitches…

John “Early Bird Special” McCain*

Don’t let his aging, avuncular look and tone fool you as he opens every other sentence with, “My friends…”


Early Bird Mac-Man is one bad ass, septuagenarian mutha fuckah.

He will do and say whatever it takes to put his Viagra Fueled-crotch and diaper-wearin’ ass into the Oval Office.

This John McCain Action Figure is a Barbie-Chasin’, Dora the Explorer Beatin’, war hero.

You can’t move his arms, but you’ll find he can head butt and kick the bejeebus out of any Ken Doll’s nuts.

Johnny Mac may eat dinner at four o’clock in the afternoon, but when he does…Mac-Man eats minute steak…Rare!! (And maybe a little sponge cake, sherbet, and warm milk as well...when he's feelin' sassy…)

Buy it today, and thank me Christmas Morning when your kids open it up and say:

“Gee, Mom and Dad!! Thanks for the Dead Father of Tori Spelling Action Figure. I didn’t know he had Bell’s Palsy. Did he come with a naked Shannen Doherty Doll?”

* Botox Cindy with Breast Implants, A-1 Skyraider Jet Fighter Wreckage, and Joe “Christ Killer” Lieberman sold separately.

And don’t forget to pick up Johnny Mac's Action Figure running mate…

Sarah “Lame and Tall” Palin*
This Tart of the Tundra can flat-out do it all.


Not only can she bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan…

She can first kill the pig, cure it, and then apply lipstick to it.

She’s a Governor…She’s a self-proclaimed reformer, and she's a soon to be GILF at the age of 44.

Talk about your triple threat!!

Don’t let her Land of the Midnight Sun charm fool you; she is not afraid to call you every name that Johnny Mac tells her to call you.

And that’s not all…

Mess with her, and she’ll make Congress pass a law that forces every couple to name their first kid, Trig…or Algebra, or Tangent, or something.

Buy it today and thank me Christmas Morning when your kids open it up and say:

“Gee, Mom and Dad!! Thanks for the hot plastic bitch. Where’s the inflation hole?”

*Six Inuit tribesmen standing around an ice fishing hole performing an Arctic Circle jerk, and Salmon Spawning Bristol, sold separately.

Have a good Monday all. And no, don’t call me Olbermann…The Dems get their turn tomorrow.

Cheers!!

Update (9:20 A.M.): I sent my Action Figure idea to Gov. Palin's office. This is the response that I have received so far. I hope they like it!!

Thank you for writing to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. The concerns, opinions, and/or information you have sent are important and valuable to the Governor. Although she is unable to respond to each and every email herself, your message has been received and is being reviewed by the appropriate staff person in this office who can best address your need, suggestion, or comment.

Please do not reply to this email. If you would like to contact the Governor in the future, please address correspondence to governor@alaska.gov.