Proverbs 25:24.
It’s another gorgeous Sunday in Bagwine, Ohio.
But, I have a problem.
Sure, I have to work all day today, and that’s fine, but I am kind of feeling verklempt….and, confounded by a friend of mine…
A best friend…
One who dwells not only in the blogosphere, but in real life as well.
I feel this way because, even though I haven’t met her personally, I love this chick. And…I may be risking the way she feels about me.
But, I have to say a few things…
My buddy…My friend…It’s time to make a move.
I shall sermon to her...
I’m not going to tell you to shut up, and put up, but damn…you’re making me get a case of the goo. I want you to be all that you and your son can be.
You have, this week, talked about how badly your husband treats you. And, maybe not so much that, but also how many things you do for the family without a word of thanks.
You, talk about it, and yet you repeat your actions…without a equal and opposite reaction.
Stop It!! And I say this, because I have seen it happen and have done it before myself.
Grow a set. I mean not a huge set, 'cause that would look funny next to your hoo-ha, but a set nonetheless.
I let things go far too long, and I regret those wasted days, to this day. But, I delight in eventually taking over control of my life once again.
I know that perhaps, I am out of line, but I felt like that I had to say this, and so, say it I did.
Anyhoo…
I am done now…I must go to work today…But I love ya, pal.
Amen, and Amen...
I end today's service with this…A song that just hit me last night and smacked me in the face with what prompted this post. I hope you listen to it buddy...
Cheers!!
29 comments:
A service and an advice column in one--I love it!
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
I'm kinda with you on this, as most of us that read her, know her problems and her feelings. "We" all like her, because she's talking to us from some secret place that her husband and son don't know about. I 100% support her to bail out, and grow a set as you suggest, with what she has voiced to us, but...........
oh my got....locusts beware or whatever - I am in agreement on this.. Now I dont know who to like if it seems like I am liking you....imagine 'me' thinking I agree with you...that is a stretch but its happening now... its a 'shit or get off the pot' situation someone needs to schedule an intervention (and bring a moving truck at the same time)...halelujiah
Fantasy: I am so multi-faceted, aren't I? Cheers!!
Micky: Yeah, I know that behind the doors are different, but I couldn't help but lay it out there.
And by the way, I figured things out and Bondo Productions will be making their Bagwine debut tomorrow. Cheers!!
Doggy: You agreeing with me...and on the this day the Lord has made no less. Praise da Holy baby Jeebus. Cheers!!
I've never gone through a divorce but from what I have heard there is such a feeling of failure attached to it. Shouldn't there also be a feeling of triumph if you gave all you could give and before disappearing into the abyss that is your failed marriage, you ended it and moved on. I know we take a vow but until death do us part might be referring to the love in a marriage not the actual person. Love does die. She touches my heart and for me that is rare.
Lu: There should not only be a sense of triumph, there should be a sense of, at least in my case, "Thank God my kid isn't crying all of the time because Mom and Dad are yellin gat each other."
Your comment was very nicely put. Thanks for that. Cheers!!
My mom worked for divorce attorneys for many years and I saw/heard second hand, the stories about families going through all sorts of hell as they went through the process.
I'm sure she and her boy have already started experiencing this hell. Moving on will certainly be gut wrenching to both of them, but staying in an abusive cycle will be far worse.
I see the words being spoken over and over again and hope she'll leave the roll of the victim behind and take control. I don't mean that in a callous way, because a victim she is, but at some point actions have to speak louder than words.
You've got a lot of people pulling for you D.
This is what I like about friends... real time or virtual... They put it out there in black and white.
Who else do we have in our lives that will do that for us with love being the core of our messages? I don't have a clue as to who this is but thank you Matty for caring enough to speak to her with tough compassionate motives.
Enjoy your Sunday babe.
wow, I am impressed- you really are a friend. However what is the phrase that they say, you can predict future behavior from past behavior. I think she gets her value from sitting on that fence of hers and being able to gather sympathy from everyone. I am not sure that she would be able to function in a "normal" enviroment. But it was very sweet of you to give this nudge.
You are a good man, Matty =)
I'm gonna start lookin' for the horsemen if you and DB start holding hands and singing kumbaya...
My parents stayed together for the wrong reasons for over 20 years...and all of us kids carry the scars of those years. (emotional....nothing physical) When they finally divorced it was catastrophic and horrendous...and those wounds may never heal.
On the other hand...there is something in our friend which still holds her there. And she needs to figure out why that is before she steps away.
You are a good friend Mateo.
I don't know who you are speaking of because it's obviously somebody I don't visit, but should.
I know my family thinks I should leave Andy and in the past I've taken a "poor me" kind of approach to our relationship that led to their opinion, but we've managed to move past that as a couple and I don't intend to divorce him.
Now that I'm supporting him financially and taking on most of the responsibilities that he used to have, I have a stronger respect for him and he has a stronger respect for me. I've learned that it's okay to be spitting mad at him and it's also okay to tell him he's wrong when he starts in on the criticism. Also, living apart has strengthened our marriage, which sounds goofy but if we hadn't done this I think we'd be divorced now.
Its hard to be a quitter! but after the initial step.. it gets much easier! Kick them out the door and there is no going back!
Hmmmmm ... you know I respect your views. I wasn't expecting this post - in all honesty, I have very mixed feelings about it - not so much in what you said as what I read in the comments.
I think ... well ... I don't know ...
I think it is hard for us to judge anyone else's situation. As friends we just need to be supportive no matter what decision is made.
But I do agree there comes a time when you need to let your opinion be known.
Sometimes it takes a while to get yourself pried out. It's often easier to sleepwalk for a while.
I know--I did it for a good number of years. In my case I guess there was a reason for me to wait.
Since I am late to the party, so to speak...Let me summarize a response to all of your comments.
Bite Me...Ha. Kidding.
Thanks for all of the "good friend comments". I don't know about that, amybe I should have emailed it in. But it was on my mind and my heart so I went with the flow of the typing fingers.
I would like to say to Karen, I know it's hard to judge a situation when one isn't there first hand, but when reading Dana I sometimes get sick to my stomach because I have been there. But completely understand your point.
I am not saying that anyone should get divorced. If a bad situation can be rectified and a marrige saved that's great, but don't allow yourself to be walked.
I appreciate all of your comments and personl stories. That's what cool about the internets.
Dana, buddy...I loves ya and respect you as well, and there is no need to explain any of the feelings that you have towards me due to this post or not. I just felt the need to post it. Maybe I was trying to exorcise some lingering demons from my marital past. Cheers to you always pal.
Lastly to Snugs...I don't think past behavior necessarily predicts future behavior but is more of an indicator. And many people are strong enough to change those indicators.
Dana has much more value than just being a "blogosphere symapthy whore". Trust me, I know. But even if part of her wrote to garner sympathy, I would understand.
It's nice to hear from others once in awhile that "you matter", that "I care", that you are appreciated. And it sounds to me that she isn't getting any of that at home.
Cheers and Thanks to you all!!
If I were going to kick a friend in the pants like this, and for some reason choose to do it publicly, and write it as though I were being vague so that only those who knew her would get it, I wouldn't label it with both her name and her blog's name. You do realize that you invited a world of hurt upon her from "strangers" that will run from your blog to hers to see what all the fuss is about? To make judgement based on your comments and not on having read her history and gotten to know her for a while.
Biscuit: That's the risk one takes when honestly stating one's feelings.
I haven't invited anything. I think people making a judgement on here are in fact the ones that do read Dana.
If others who make judgements for any other reason, well, they are the people who are judgemental everyday with everybody, regardless of what I or anyone else might "invite". Cheers!!
SOmetimes it is very hard to make a move. I dealt with it for a number of years for various reasons. You know it is the right thing to do to end the situation and move on, but you have to weigh the good with the bad
The age of the children has a LOT to do with it. When they are younger it is much easier then when they are in those teen years and you are worried about tearing their world apart.
I think each situation is different and we need to let our friends take the road and the speed with which they feel most comfortable.
Bond: I never said that making a move neccesarily had to include leaving and/or getting divorced. And yeah, I know situations are always different. Cheers!!
I think that this is just what Dana needed to hear. Yes, she does need affirmations and people to tell her she is loved but she also needs some tough love once in a while that comes from someone she trusts and respects. You gave that to her and it is the best gift she could have been given. Let's hope she takes it for what it was.
Apple: Why thanks. I don't presume to tell Dana what to do. I just wanted lay out my take on things because her situation so closely mirros the one that I went through.
The bottom line is that no matter what she does or doesn't do today, tomorrow, or next year, it won't change my feelings for my buddy. Cheers Apple!!
I just want her to be happy and safe... like you do.
And this was a hard thing for you to do, I know that but man I adore you for it.
Anndi: That's all I want as well. And thanks. I hope you had a good Birthday weekend, Anndi. Cheers!!
I know that the 2 of you are close and adore each other~ but I was kinda surprised to see this posted here.
When you commented and said: "I don't know about that, maybe I should have emailed it in."
Hmmm. I have many bloggers who I know behind the curtain VERY well. And had they used their public blog to tell me what they think, it would very much come across as inappropriate or maybe very hurtful to me (wrong or right)
I have had many bloggers tell me straight up when and how I do things wrong or badly or whatever else. I love and appreciate my friends who are honest with me and don't hold back. But I'd definitely want them to tell me in private via phone, email or im. Thats just me, though.
I know you have every right to say and post here what you do. This is *your* blog and I know you love her. Its obvious you care about her so much. I know I do too.
I just wanted to add that, is all. Because yes, sometimes emails are very nice.
Cheers, Matt. I know you'd never want to intentionally do anything other than want whats best for her.
Smile: I understand what you are saying, but sometimes one feels compelled to not stand idly, or quietly, by. Cheers!!
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