I won’t be around much today, but I hope you take the time to help me out, and give me your advice.There is a serious disturbance in the Bagwine Force.
Schmoop has dropped a bombshell of cataclysmic proportions upon me.
It may put any chances of a wedding taking place on hold indefinitely.
Is she in love with another? No, at least not admittedly.
Is she a lesbian? No, although if she was drunk enough, I know damn well she would have sex with Kim Kardashian. (And really, to me, that’s a plus.)
Political viewpoint? Noooo. She’s voting for the O-Man, and mainly because much like me, she is a Joe Biden fan.
Snoring, whoring, or boring? No, no, and no. It is much more sinister than that.
It has been revealed to me, in a weak and drunken moment of hers over this past weekend, that she is a devout, almost maniacal fan of…
The Bay City Rollers.
Yes folks, Saturday night during our usual, You Tube Music Video/Beer Fest, I was subjected to listening to half a dozen of the Bay City Rollers…um…“greatest” hits.
Even while anesthetized with a good Bagwine buzz, my ears began to bleed and I was overcome with an urge to redecorate the interior of the apartment. Plaid, anyone?
As the band’s syrupy sounds of Yesterday’s Hero, I Only Wanna be with You, and Rock N Roll Love Letter blared, I was praying to the Holy Baby Jeebus that he would bring S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night to a screeching halt.
Oh dear God. She danced about the digs, as the Scottish train wreck sang. I sat with the look of horror of all horrors upon my face as she shouted, “It’s all about the tartan.”
Yes, Schmoop is a HUGE fan of Derek, Alan, Eric, Leslie, and Woody. The Bay City Frickin’ Rollers. And this?…Is not acceptable.
I put up with her addiction to watching Clean House…I overlook her innate ability to leave a layer of crumbs and cheese on the kitchen floor when she cooks. I turn a deaf ear when while having sex, she refers to me as Gustav.
But this my friends, is a major, negative blow to how I feel about her.
If you can offer any advice, a word of solace, or the ability to erase the Bay City Roller's history from any and all media, I would appreciate it.
As I said, I’ll be gone most of today, but if I haven’t killed myself, I hope to see you all tomorrow.
Cheers!!
40 comments:
you can hang with me - I am learning what its llke to be gay-
I'll marry Schmoop! The very first album I ever owned? That's right! Rollin' ... and yes, Captain & Tennille followed ...
Doggy: Based upon this comment and your last one from last night, I will investigate your um...new found, gayness. But I will do so, with trpeidation. Cheers!!
Dana: Say it ain't so? That means it's possible that you may have listened to, I Only Wanna Be with You followed by, Muskrat Love? Kill me now. Cheers Dana!!
The mere fact that whe will get "buzzed" and watch YouTube vids with you means she is a keeper. So go out and buy earplugs and face paint. Next BCR video torture you paint smile on face, insert earplugs and sway from side to side all the while increasing your intake of WIR. That should keep the harmony :)
Lu: I dunno. I think this says something about her judgement. Then again, so does the fact that she likes me. Cheers Lu!!
I had posters of them plastered all over my walls when I was a tween!
I know all the words to SATURDAY Night and I can sing it a capella;-)
Go Schmoop!
Michelle: I had posters of them as well. But that was so I could shoot spitballs soked in Red Dye #2at their faces. Cheers!!
TB: Why does that not surprise me? And it wouldn't surprise me to learn that you did just that in order to irritate others. Cheers TB!!
Who??? That's a Roller Derby Team right?
You still going to have the reception .......?
...I can only recommend a sound nailing to the cross.....(either you or her!)
It could be worse...
actually... no, it can't.
I'm so sorry.
And um, watch out, DB has a thing for man-nips...
Wow Matt. I got nothing for ya. I tried to think of what could be worse and ....just nothing. I'll raise a glass to you and your sorrow.
Oh, Schmoopie! I only wanna be with you!!
I wrote my one and only fan letter to them.
*hanging my head*
'Tis true.
Ooooo, Matty, that's just soooooo wrong. Hmmm...well, maybe while she's sleeping you could play tapes of you whispering the words, "Tartan is the Devil's sign. Listen only to (insert your favorite musician here)." That might deprogram her. Some.
Maybe.
OK - here is my take on how to live with this one little wart upon an otherwise wonderful union
The Bay City Rollers are Scots
Scots have huge dicks and are really good in bed (yes I KNOW what I speak of and hell I was married to a Black guy)
Hence Schmoop has a thing for big dicks and good sex!!
I don't see the problem ;)
Oh Dianne I beg to differ. My ex husband is Scots. His dick is average and he was the fuck equivilant to the scene in Groundhogs Day where Bill Murray's alarm clock goes off to the same thing every day.
Could be worse, schmoop could be an Ohio Players fan and sing rollercoaster to you all day and night.
I'm not telling my girl that I like Air Supply and Chris Cross. I don't want to end up like Schmoop! LOL
My honey has some Scot in him... and I rather enjoy havins some Scot in me.
I think Diane is on to something....
Embrace the Tartan!!!! Ha!
I dunno Matt-man, this kinda sounds like buyers remorse to me. Think of it this way...this has great possibilities for role play. Just put on a kilt and she'll be putty in your hands. Don't forget to post the pics, you'd look pretty hot in a kilt. ;)
if that is the thing holding you back, Man there could be worst things to have to put up with.like the (gasp)Osmends.
Actually...I was quite impressed that the Bay City Rollers could spell Saturday. They didn't have spell check back then. Most kids today couldn't do that. The music, yeah, I could do a double-Vincent listening to that drivel...
what is the nonsense about you getting married????????
Micky: I think their Roller Derby skills would far exceed their music skills. Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Better yet let's nail the Bay City Rollers to a cross. Cheers!!
Anndi: It couldn't be worse could it? Woe is me. Cheers!!
Starr: I appreciate your kind words in these times of sorrow. Cheers Starr!!
Anonymous: That wouldn't be too hateful if her and I were playing "rollercoaster" as well all night. Cheers!!
RLL: I was going to work an Air Supply reference into this post as well, but I was already quite nauseous. Cheers!!
Metalmom: This is a sad day. You are all coming out. Cheers!!
Songbird: She hears nothing while sleeping. When she goes under she's like a bear. Cheers!!
Dianne: If she has a thing for good sex that's cool, but if she has a thing for big dicks...um...not so much. Cheers!!
Cheesy: I LOVE AFOS. My heart has been broken twice in three days now. Cheers!!
Starr: Well, at least that means he could always find his hole. Cheers!!
Anndi: Is it true? If it ain't Scottish, it's crap? Cheers!!
Evil: That is an addiction one should just keep to themselves. cheers!!
Schmoop: Embrace THIS, God Dammit. Cheers!!
Apple: As long as there is no haggis involved that has possibilities. Cheers Apple!!
Mike: You may have found the silver lining...Quite thin, but a lining nonetheless. Cheers Mike!!
VE: I guess you're right. I have missed the keen intellect that the group displayed. Cheers VE!!
Jahooni: See? Miss a day, miss alot. I asked her a few days ago to marry me...smack dab on my blog and she said yes. Cheers!!
Hi - visiting from Jay's blog.
Bay City Rollers is a deal breaker? As someone pointed out - it could have been muskrat love...or the Partridge Family.
Fiwa: Glad you stopped, although I wouldn't admit to people that you read Jay. The Patridge Family I can deal with; Shirley Jones was kinda hot. Cheers!!
So what would you do if she confessed an addiction to Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family?
Songbird: Ha. Funny. That was the exes weakness. Cheers!!
"Feelings...nothing more than feelings...woe, woe, woe , woe , woe, feelings..."
Yes, it could be worse.
it's not THAT horrible...
wear a kilt and good ear plugs.
Jeff: Ouch. Yeah that's really bad too. Cheers Jeff!!
Kat: I have always wanted to dress in skirts. Cheers Kat!!
Matt! I finally thought of something worse! Debby Boone You Light Up My Life!
Or the Starland Vocal Band ;)
Starr: Both of those offerings are real colon tighteners. Cheers!!
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