Another Saturday…another day off to lose myself to the wiles and charm of the Bagwine.But first, I am off to see Ryno this morning, and to do something that I dread…
Clean his mom’s bathroom.
It’s disgusting, and I can’t help but want to clean it.
Don’t think that I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart. I am doing it because I can’t help myself.
Both her and Ryno use the shower that’s in her bathroom, (No, not at the same time you frickin’ perverts) and I saw it when I dropped Ryno off Thursday after his dental appointment.
Good Lord!! I can’t help but think that they come out of the shower dirtier than when they go into it.
The entire bathroom needs a major douching. So this morning, just think of me as Mattsingill.
Man, the things I do for people…people who don’t even like me that much. Oh well, it makes Ryno happy to see me help her out, so I can live with it.
And now, on to some lighter Saturday morning things…
Believe it or not 18 of you knuckleheaded Bagwine readers have requested a homemade, handmade Christmas Card from me.
Yes folks, 18 people in
Anyhoo…The cards are not going out until after Thanksgiving, so if you’d like one as well, drop me a line along with your address, and I’ll send one out.
You can email me at: neshobadude @ yahoo.com
I was also touched that several people asked me for my address so they could send a card to me and/or Schmoop.
And then, it hit me…They just want my address in order to notify authorities should things in their homes turn up missing.
C’mon folks, it’s me. Matt-Man. Have you ever seen a more trustworthy face in your life? Of course not.
So let me know and I’ll send you one. I have a couple of other ideas as far as Christmas gifts go, if you’re interested.
Do you have a burgeoning teenage daughter, niece, or nubile young thing otherwise close to you?
Christmas morning make their eyes flash as brilliantly as Sarah Palin’s wardrobe by giving them a subscription to Teen Girl.
They are doing an expose' on me in the March 2009 issue!! Here’s a sneak peak.
Need another idea? Ladies, if you want the man (or woman) in your life to take you to a level of consciousness and sexual delight that you have never been, get my new book for your partner.
Damn straight…Buy that book for Christmas and you’ll be shouting Ave Maria all damn year my friends.
I don’t know if it would make a good Hanukkah gift because I don’t think Jewish chicks dig that sort of thing.
I’ll have to go down the hall and ask Mrs. Schlotzsky. Of course, that would take forever, what with her having to use the walker to get to the door and what not.
So, I’ll just assume Jew bitches don’t find the lickity-lick thing kosher.
Anyway, enjoy your Saturday. I know I will. Well, after I recover from cleaning that disgusting bathroom.
Cheers!!
21 comments:
You're a man's man. Who else would put their face in someone's else's toilet? Oh, and the bathroom, too...
Bwahahahaha! I crack myself up!
(Get it? Crack, vagina, toilet, bathroom?...never mind)
*slinking off*
I so love DS.
although one my ex's is an excellent cleaner of bathrooms...I can not imagine either one of them doing so for me...or their child...without some sort of "repayment" expectation.
don't get me wrong...I am on pretty good terms with both of them...but still...you've got the most curious gig going with ryno's mom.
the peace sign pic has always been my fave...man in a suit, shades and ear ring...sigh...be still my heart.
DS: Hey I am a man's man and a woman's man...At least that's what I tell myself whe I'm alone with my thoughts, my feelings, and my hand...excuse me. Cheers!!
Kat: Eh, I'm just a nice guy. No repayment wanted or expected. And ha, it isn't a bad pic is it? Cheers Kat!!
I got so stuck at Mattsingill I can't remember what the rest of this post was about!
BTW, I've got three bathrooms - want to come over??
Dana: I'll bring my brush. Mr. Clean, at your cervix. Cheers Dana!!
Shave your head good this morning, look the part Mr. Clean.
You are,...... going to be teaching Ryno the pleasures of cleaning shiny tile surfaces,for his own benefit yes? Can't hurt to have a young man learn early that there are no lines drawn between girls and boys, when it come to keeping tidy and clean.
Swish on Mattsingill.
Micky: No head shaving this morning...It's gettin' cold here. While he may learn a lesson, I doubt that he'll put it into practical use. Swiiiiiiiiiish. Cheers Mick!!
Will the questioning of Mrs. Schlotzsky involve a personal demonstration? If so, do you know what eighty year old nooky tastes like? . . . Depends.
Always knew deep down you were a douche-bag~~
:o)
Jeff: If it does involve a demo, I hope Mr. Schlotzsky doesn't get all horny and reveal his mothballs. Cheers Jeff!!
Cheesy: Now that was just downright cruel. Cheers, Cheesy!!
cleaning the X's bathroom..interesting. Is she unable to do it herself or just doesn't care and you want the kid to stay disease free? Either way, my hat is off to you!
..."Mr. Schlotzsky's Mothballs"....I hope the don't wind up in Mr. Holland's Opus....
Just to be totally straight here for a moment...Man am I glad you do stuff like clean the bathroom. Seriously, I get it. I might be the only one who does, but I get it. I am, after all, the mailer of my ex's ballot and nanny of his dogs when they are out of town. Well most of them. He takes the bitch with him ;)
You are an awesome parent, Matt. I will say to you what everyone says to me with regards to my ex. You could mow down a row of nuns with a tank and STILL get a ghetto pass to the shining kingdom.
Phfrankie: Egads, what a movement that would be. Cheers!!
Starr: Awesome? I wouldn't go that far, but thanks. I just never thought of it as a big deal. If I'm over there hangin' with Ryno and she needs me to do something and I have time, it's no big deal to me. Cheers Starr!!
Snugs: She told me that she just had things get away from her. He does have a lot of shit going on thorougout the week. And thanks. Cheers Snugs!!
I saw that on the book shelf next to Pleasure Your Man for Dummies or close your mouth and get the vacuum
Wow, I couldn't even get my ex to clean his own...well...ANYTHING while we were married. No WAY he'd come do any cleaning at my place now! But then, I do have much higher standards than him when it comes to cleanliness. And alot of other things as well. Like teenage babysitters. (But I'm not bitter).
Anyhoo, I LOVE the x-mas gift ideas. Man, you sure do write alot of books and get interviewed alot! Pays to have loads of savoir-faire, no? :-)
Time he learned to keep his own environs clean Matty boy--it's obvious she's not going to teach him.
I'll be emailing you about a card.
Smooch
Lu: Ha. That was pretty good. Cheers Lu!!
Giggle: Savoir-Faire...I love that phrase. Now, as for teenage babysitters, I dig 'em. Cheers!!
TB: Ryno takes care of his stuff better than he used to. And, I am not going to blame her for his previous lacksadaisical attitude. Let me know about the card. Cheers TB!!
Depends... and mothballs.
Got any bleach left over from cleaning the bathroom, I need it for my brain.
I'm glad you're not shaving your head before going to her bathroom... someone might mistake you for Joe The Plumber.
Have I sent you my snail mail?
Anndi: Ha. Very Good. Sorry about the brain smut. And no, my dear I have no address from vous. Cheers Anndi!!
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