See the picture above? Do you know what it is?
If you answered, “a box of Cap’n Crunch, dumbass”, you are only partially correct. It is much more than that.
This one pound box of a CHILD’S cereal was purchased by and for my 42 YEAR OLD girlfriend, Schmoop.
Cost? Five bucks…
But you see folks, as I stated above, it is much more than a mere box of cereal.
In two or three weeks, after maybe eating one bowl full, it will go stale, and she will take it over to her mom’s house so it can be used to feed the birds that grace her mom’s backyard.
It will not become just any birdseed…It will become very expensive birdseed.
Now the birdseed pictured above, can be had for $1.49/lb. Hmmmmm. $1.49/lb compared to the Cap’n Crunch “birdseed” at $5.00/lb.
Hey Schmoop, when you take the cereal to your mom’s, why not take a $3.50 gallon of milk for the birdbath so the crows and grackles can have a big ol’ avian breakfast bar!?
While the birds get their Thiamin, Riboflavin, and Folic Acid courtesy of the Cap’n, they can get the calcium that they need from the moo juice.
Now, when Schmoop reads this, I am sure she will respond with the following…
Uh-huh…You may say that now, Mizz Thang, but mark my words.
Very soon, the day will come when you awaken with a massive hangover. And you will say to me, “Do we have enough money to get some hangover food from Taco Bell?”
If you answered, “a box of Cap’n Crunch, dumbass”, you are only partially correct. It is much more than that.
This one pound box of a CHILD’S cereal was purchased by and for my 42 YEAR OLD girlfriend, Schmoop.
Cost? Five bucks…
But you see folks, as I stated above, it is much more than a mere box of cereal.
In two or three weeks, after maybe eating one bowl full, it will go stale, and she will take it over to her mom’s house so it can be used to feed the birds that grace her mom’s backyard.
It will not become just any birdseed…It will become very expensive birdseed.
Now the birdseed pictured above, can be had for $1.49/lb. Hmmmmm. $1.49/lb compared to the Cap’n Crunch “birdseed” at $5.00/lb.Hey Schmoop, when you take the cereal to your mom’s, why not take a $3.50 gallon of milk for the birdbath so the crows and grackles can have a big ol’ avian breakfast bar!?
While the birds get their Thiamin, Riboflavin, and Folic Acid courtesy of the Cap’n, they can get the calcium that they need from the moo juice.
Now, when Schmoop reads this, I am sure she will respond with the following…
Uh-huh…You may say that now, Mizz Thang, but mark my words.
Very soon, the day will come when you awaken with a massive hangover. And you will say to me, “Do we have enough money to get some hangover food from Taco Bell?”
After responding, “No.” You will ask, “What happened to all of the money?” To which I will simply reply:
“The fucking birds ate it all.”
Happy Monday, all.
Cheers!!
35 comments:
Or you could say, "I threw the burrito out the door and the vultures got it."
Kanani: Wow. Can you imagine the mess a vulture could leave after eating a burrito? Cheers Kanani!!
You could tell her that you gave all your Taco Bell money to her mother so that she could buy $1.49/pound birdseed, so, therefore, she doesn't need the stinkin' Cap'n Crunch.
Hey, I almost bought Captain Crunch this week. I decided the Fruit Loops were getting boring. I went with Frosted Flakes instead.
Can you spell tupperware?
Hmm have you ever had chicken coated in corn flakes, very good. I wonder how it would be with Cap'n Crunch? Don't they make a smaller box? Hubby same way. "Oh I want some cereal", we buy a box he eats one bowl and then I finish the box. Like 6 months later he'll be all, "where is the cereal? Well shit dear it doesn't last for-friggin-ever! Then we buy another box and so on and so on and so on. Gotta love 'em.
Songbird: I would get no corraboration; her mom can't remember a damn thing. Cheers!!
Jay: While never a big fan of cereal even as a kid, I was always more of Franken Berry kinda guy. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Why bother? So, it can sit around taking up space twelve weeks instead of two? Cheers!!
Lu: Ha. And yes, I've had that chciken. And what you said about the hub-man is why I brought this up. This is hardly an isolated incident.
She does this exact thing two to three times a year...but she's still cute. Cheers Lu!!
The real question is does Schmoop leave some crunchberries for the birds??
Dana: She doesn't get the kind with crunchberries...When it comes to the Cap'n, she's a purist. Cheers!!
I'll have the Hangover Double Cheezy Burrito please.
By the way, it's the best deal in the country for under a buck.
We love'm.
Micky: I loooove the Bell. It nevers fail to take the edge off of the DTs. Cheers!!
Silly Matty--put the cereal in a zip loc bag and put it in the fridge or freezer. It will stay fresh and can be used just like out of the cupboard.
Also Cap'n Crunch--which I LOVE but hurts the roof of my mouth to eat---makes a great coating for chicken and pork---gives it a peanutty Thai thing.
Just sayin'
TB: How 'bout this...How about she doesn't buy it at all 'cause she won't end up eating it!! Oh the Humanity. Cheers TB!!
Yeah...I mean do you ever buy Bagwine and let i go bad and put it in the bird bath I mean conservation is very important in communes...
Bond: If I EVER caught myself wasting Bagwine, I would break the bottle and gouge my eyes out with the chards of glass. Cheers Vinny!!
..I'm envisioning a birdbath full of milk, birdseed and Cap'n Crunch, all stirred together, with some double cheesy Taco Bell burritos floating around on top...a veritable culinary wasteland....
Phfrankie: The only thing that culinary concoction is missing? BACON!! Mmmmmm, bacon. Cheers P-Man!!
...and a young 30-ish Liz Taylor in her slip standing next to it with a big spoon...
Phfrankie: Oh Baby. You had to go there dintcha? I'm ruined for the rest of the day. Mmmm, Liz. Cheers!!
I think we've deprived vultures of cheap-knock Mexican burritos for far too long. I suggest you take it up a s cause, MattMan. It might be the common cause, the olive branch that you share with the conservative brethren at Sarge Charlie's.
Kanani: That's a nice thought, but I think the only olive branch I could bring Sarge is if I brought him Obama's head on a plate. Cheers Kanani!!
Giggle: Even though he wasn't a pirate, I bet he had a bird of some type on a perch somewhere. Cheers!!
What are you trying to do change migratory patterns? FDC Yellow can fuck things up you know. Good God, woman, think of the birds! Save your burritos. It's only right.
Hope: Yet another reason not to waste the Cap'n. Thank you for interjecting that. And, thanks for the comment. Cheers Hope!!
You suck! F the birds, I'm eating the whole box tonite! So there! Yea right...
My husband thinks I don't suck enough. Capn Crunch-- it's not a blowjob, but he likes that, too. I prefer those Apple Cheerios I can eat the crap out of those.
Schmoop: Continually fooling yourself is no way to go through life. Cheers!!
Hope: I never knew the Cap'n made such a good substitute for a blowjob. Inreresting. Cheers!!
Matt: It seems like you are just trying to criticize, rather than solve the problem. If you are worried about the Captain Crunch being wasted, the Tupperware solution seems ideal. Then there will be no need to buy another box before you run out of this box. You won't have to have the argument again, and in the long run you'll save money.
Letting a girl have what she craves is a relationship saver. Really.
Marilyn: I hate you and your sense of female logic. Cheers Marilyn!!
At least she's not French.
Hoot: Nope, but she is hot.Cheers!!
Cap'n Crunch is like popcorn...no milk required.
Marilyn: Ha. Right back at ya. Cheers!!
Travis: It is pretty good as far as cereal goes. Cheers Travis!!
Coke and McDonalds fries are good hangover foods as well.
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