In his divine way he is putting his message out to the masses in the form of…
Billboards…In of all places, Ohio.
Who knew that when Jeebus decided to speak to us he would do it via billboards in the Youngstown, Ohio area?
The purchasers of the billboards, Joanne Brown and Linda Bennett…
Were able, through some kind of Messianic magic, to interpret and place the words of the Holy Baby Jeebus onto several billboards, or as I call them...Christvertisements, throughout northeast Ohio.
The Heaven to Highway messages from the Holy J-Man include, “It’s Okay To Say Merry Christmas.” and “I Miss Hearing You Say Merry Christmas.”
Each message is signed by the Christ child hizz-self. Praise be to GAWD, and please merge carefully.
This billboard epiphany occurred to these two nay bobs after feeling dissed when shopping last year and hearing people say unto them, “Happy Holidays”.
Hey, if these ladies and their contributors want to put up these boards, have at it, but c’mon, attributing these sayings to something Jeebus would promote if he were on Earth?
"We feel that Jesus wants to be honored with 'Merry Christmas,'" said Bennett, according to Fox News.
Oh Baby, I don’t think so, Mizz Bennett. He would cringe at what takes place during “his birthday”.Hell if he saw you and your buddy Joanne shopping last year in his honor, he would probably tell you both, “Hey bitches, leave me out of this unholy greed-fest.”
And then…he’d beat the hell out of every money changer selling iPods and Wiis in his name. If the crowds don’t trample them first. Word.
I have an idea though. Let’s put this phrase rage to rest.
Let’s encourage stores and marketing firms to not only say, “Merry Christmas”, let’s attach Jeebus’s image to the Christmas sales displays.
Yeah, I think that’s pretty hip. What say you guys? Joanne Brown…Linda Bennett? You say you don’t like my idea? You think it’s offensive?
Hey, just trying to keep Christ in Christmas. It’s no different than what you two are doing.
And isn’t that what his birthday is all about…Celebrating his special day by going to stores, hearing the words, “Merry Christmas”, and buying presents for everyone but him?
I say Merry Christmas to others. Others say the same to me, but I appreciate a friend or a stranger saying Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings to me as well.
In Jeebus-like fashion, this is often a time of good will, friendship, joyous times with our families. But let’s keep this time in perspective.
From the Christmas Tree, to the mistletoe, to the brand new HDTV miraculously delivered by Santa…
This is also a very secular event. And…there’s nothing wrong with that.
Can’t we just acknowledge that, and celebrate both without pressure, proselytizing, and boycotts?
I hope Joanne, Linda and others like them think about that when opening their brand new toys this Christmas.
Tomorrow…We look at Kwanzaa. Oh yeah.
Cheers!!
30 comments:
... and everyone said, "AMEN!"
Merry Christmas—Happy Chanukah—Have a nice Kwanzaa—Bah! Humbug! Does that about cover it?
Oh for Christs sake, can't these people see through the dollar signs?
Dana: Preach it, baby!! Cheers Dana!!
Nick: I think you did just that. Cheers Nick!!
Micky: Evidently not. Much like churches appeal to a certain denomination for donations, stores try to appeal to all faiths and walks of life for the almighty dollar. Cheers Mick!!
I know people who get offended by "Happy Holidays" because it is not "Merry Christmas". I personally have bigger things to worry. Glad those ladies have such time on their hands.
Karen: I understand people who prefer to here it, but to get all worked up about it always perplexed me. I agree with ya. Cheers Karen!!
Pffffffft Happy Holidays! I blame all the religions that were so insensitive as to have their holy days at the same time as the blessed birth of our baby Jeebus... as if 11 other months aren't enough to pick from.
Anndi: And no group is more pissed about it than hold out Romans who still celebrate their Sun God. Baby Jeebus Day raped them of all of their glory and fun. Cheers!!
...I think everyone should go watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" one more time and pay attention this time...
Phfrankie: I agree, and this time people, pay attention to the Emmy Award caliber acting job put out there by Snoopy. ; ) He was so snubbed by the Academy. He should be honored!! Cheers P-Man.
Happy Festivus
There, now get me the Festivus Pole for dancin' and let's forget this Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa stuff...
Time for the Airing of The Grievances and the Feats Of Strength
and here is hoping for a Festivus Miracle to each and every one of you
Put THAT on a billboard BIOTCHES!
Bond: Because I like your comment so much, I am going to make a donation in your name to the Human Fund. Cheers Vinny!!
It's all a pile of reindeer poop steaming on a cold winters morn!
Santa's in the workshop nailing Mrs Claus.
Jeebus is in Heaven sippin on some 'nog and thinking, I died for this!
as we speak Bill O'Reilly is jumping into a helicopter and flying to Bagwine just so he can nail himself to that billboard.
wonder if it ever occurred to the lovely ladies who apparently channel Christ to use the billboard money to help someone - feed some kids, buy some warm clothes for homeless people, anything - something
Lu: My shortest response to you ever: I couldn't agree more. Cheers my friend!!
Dianne: Ha, no doubt. Bill and these two chicks are morons. As far as giving, I can see them pulling up in their BMW and tossing seven cents into a Salvation Army bucket.
Don't get me wrong, no one is bound to do certain things and that's fine. But people who claim shit in the name of Jeebus, and don't live it, really torque me off. It is to too many, all about appearances. Cheers Di!!
How about I'll wish you a Merry F'ing Christmas on Christmas Day but every other freakin Holiday I want to hear Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice and don't forget Boxing Day. Nothing will piss me off faster than wishing me a Merry Christmas on Boxing Day. Your a day late asshole!
Or you could just say Happy Holidays.
I refuse to take any of these people who demand that we or businesses say "Merry Christmas" over "Happy Holidays" seriously until they condemn the offensive commercialization of Christmas.
We like Festivas at our place also. Let the recriminations begin!
Ah yes... Sol!
But then, who cares if we piss off a few Italians?
Mind you, offering up a few retail workers to sacrifice would appease the Sun god, no?
Christvertisements...
You crack me up!
But if Jeebus says buy lingerie who am I to not obey...
I'm sorry to dicker with Knight, but Christmas lasts until Epiphany, January 6th. At least, in the church in which I worship.
And don't get me started on Easter.
Knight: I'm with ya. Christmas fine other than that, tell me to have a good day. And you know what? If people cared they'd tell me that every day. Cheers Knight!!
Jay: That my good man, is pretty much what I was thinking when I wrote this. Cheers Jay!!
Micehele: We love it too. A donation in your name to the Human Fund as well. Cheers!!
Anndi: No. The Sun God prefers less oily delicacies. Cheers Anndi!!
VE: Ha. Follow the Lord to the camel toe, VE. Cheers!!
Songbird: Fuck the Catholics. Ha. Cheers!!
Ya know Knight's comment and Songbird's comment (and your loving response to Songbird) made me realize something!
I'm Jewish and Catholic - not that either group wants me - so fuck!! those under paid WalMart workers about to go to their death at the door better say Happy Chanukah and Merry Christmas to me and on the 6th they fuck well better say 'Merry Little Christmas' or wish me 'Happy Joyous I forget how many Kings Day'
Maybe we could market buttons Matty - people could wear them on their coat - or stapled to their fucking foreheads - and the buttons would instruct people on exactly how to greet them.
sure would eliminate the ugliness of religious profiling
As a person of the scientific persuasion, I'm kind of a "Solstice Girl" who can't help but notice the religious fervor somewhat conveniently orbits the shortest day of the year.
With regards to the greeting: anything pleasant and sincere will do.
Where are the billboards for Festivus?
Dianne: Wow...I bet you're guilt ridden. Buttons and or Adhesive Name tags. Hello I am a ________. Perfect. Cheers Di!!
Desert Rat: I would greet you with, "Hi, does this look infected?" Cheers Rat!!
Giggle: An Evangelical group graffitied all over them. Cheers GP!!
Oh yeah Jesus is tickled frickin pink about billboards. He surely must like that more than say, these bitches using the money and their time to say feed the poor.
And I gotta say that is the single most unfuckable bunch of vajayjays I have ever seen.
Of course I am cranky due to the weather!
Starr: Cheer Up, Cupcake. The sun will come out tomorrow. Cheers!!
Amen brother! These people amaze me. In the very next breath they’ll do everything in their power to stop the homeless shelter from going with in 10 miles of their subdivision. You can’t pick and choose your messages. You know what Christ would want; you to get off your ass and help other human beings, not stand around and bitch about words! I’ll bet you could have fed some fucking poor people with the money you spent on billboards, couldn’t cha? I think if Christ were alive today he would be a Buddhist.
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