And yet, in that veritable wind tunnel of party supplies, I shall from 11-7 today, dole out God’s magnificence in the form of beer and cigarettes.
Not only is today the Second Sunday of Advent, it is also Pearl Harbor
Day.Sixty-seven years ago, those slant eyed devils from the Land of the Rising Sun attacked our fleet in Hawaii.
They snuck in undetected and surreptitiously in shifty, untrusting Asiatic manner.
Our Christian country was given a black eye by those yellow fisted, Buddha loving bastards from across the Pacific.
But over the course of the next few years, the heathen Japs would receive their just and Godly desserts courtesy of Uncle Sam.
We crushed their carrier fleet at Midway…We spilled their ochre blood at Tarawa and Okinawa. We lay Tokyo to cinders and vaporized two of their cities.
The most crushing blow we dealt?
After all of the that, we promptly rebuilt their entire country, modernized their manufacturing plants, and taught them the joys of capitalism.
Take that, Tojo!!
I have completely forgiven the Japanese for their dastardly acts of six decades ago, because I am full of the grace of God. Hell, the Bagwine mobile is a Honda. But…
It is a Honda built in America by big, burly Americans who drink Budweiser, watch football, and spend time with their families.
It was not built in Japan by short little islanders who drink tea, play ping pong, and perform self-flagellation should they suffer a heart attack and miss part of their shift.
If you would like to learn more about the attack on Pearl Harbor, try to catch the classic 1970 war film, “Tora! Tora! Tora!”…or as it was called upon its release in Israel, “Torah! Torah! Torah!”
Speaking of which, I came across this gem in the Torah…
Deuteronomy 14:6-7
I have completely forgiven the Japanese for their dastardly acts of six decades ago, because I am full of the grace of God. Hell, the Bagwine mobile is a Honda. But…
It is a Honda built in America by big, burly Americans who drink Budweiser, watch football, and spend time with their families.
It was not built in Japan by short little islanders who drink tea, play ping pong, and perform self-flagellation should they suffer a heart attack and miss part of their shift.If you would like to learn more about the attack on Pearl Harbor, try to catch the classic 1970 war film, “Tora! Tora! Tora!”…or as it was called upon its release in Israel, “Torah! Torah! Torah!”
Speaking of which, I came across this gem in the Torah…
Deuteronomy 14:6-7
You may eat any animal that has a split hoof divided in two and that chews the cud. However, of those that chew the cud or that have a split hoof completely divided you may not eat the camel, the rabbit, or the coney.
Please follow the above culinary rules when festivizing this Yule and/or Hanukkah season. Now hold on…
I know you’re thinking, “Okay, I won’t eat camel, and I can skip consuming rabbit, but coneys? Coney Dogs are delicious!!”
Fear not celebrants. While originally, “Thou shall refrain from eating coneys.” was the Eleventh Commandment...
It was repealed prior to being carved in stone when the Jews found that they could make a tasty coney dog using all-beef hot dogs.
Not only did this discovery enable us to today enjoy such a gastronomical delight, it was also a big ol’ Fuck You to the up and coming Hindu movement.
Enjoy your Sabbath, and bless you one and all.
Cheers!!
Please follow the above culinary rules when festivizing this Yule and/or Hanukkah season. Now hold on…
I know you’re thinking, “Okay, I won’t eat camel, and I can skip consuming rabbit, but coneys? Coney Dogs are delicious!!”
Fear not celebrants. While originally, “Thou shall refrain from eating coneys.” was the Eleventh Commandment...
It was repealed prior to being carved in stone when the Jews found that they could make a tasty coney dog using all-beef hot dogs.
Not only did this discovery enable us to today enjoy such a gastronomical delight, it was also a big ol’ Fuck You to the up and coming Hindu movement.
Enjoy your Sabbath, and bless you one and all.
Cheers!!
27 comments:
OK, I'm feeling pretty good these days owning two Fords and a Chevy. Talk to me in few more months and I might have coney dog smeared all over my face.
Micky: My fave car that I ever owned was Saturn. Her and I travelled many miles together. But, Schmoop's Honda is 4 years old and knock my head...nary a problem. Cheers Mick!!
I lived in Tokyo for two years and I actually think performing self-flagellation after suffering a heart attack and missing part of their shift is something the American worker could learn from.
The Japs are extremely loyal and all about the "team". Hell, they have company cemeteries. We Americans are all about the "individual".
Both seem extreme. I think the best society is somewhere in between.
But let's be honest, they do have better beer. Or biru, as they say.
Fantasy: Better Beer? All I know is that Wild Irish Rose puts Saki in the dirt. I am not too much into the team concept...Unless I am playing sports, I don't play well with others, but I do enjoy running with scissors. Cheers!!
What?? Has Fantasy lost her mind?? Better beer? That's like saying Koreans make better brats than the Germans!
And to think I've shied away from Coney Dogs since reading Dueteronomy when I was 11. Thank you for clearing that up Matt!
Dana: True, but unlike the German version, Korean brats truly are hot dogs. Glad I could clear things up. Next time you bite into a coney, think of me. Cheers Dana!!
Let's not forget the best Japanese product every sent across the water: Godzilla.
Or, as some people call him, "Goz-irra."
Songbird: Godzilla is pretty impressive and imposing, but even with his fire-breathing, not nearly as hot as Hello Kitty. Cheers!!
I prefer Choco Dog myself.
Just to clarify: nothing beats American micro-brews such as Dogfish, Great Lakes, Bells, Stone....
I simply meant that Sapporo and Kirin kicks ass over Miller and Bud.
And their Kobe beef ain't bad as well. But I draw the line on eating sparrows on a stick.
Anything is better than Bud.
A big ole up yours with a giant sausage?
Songbird: Gimme a Geisha Girl anytime, and I'm happy. Cheers!!
Fantasy: I used to have a couple of those cans when I was a collector. I don't like sparrow either. I refuse to eat like a bird. Cheers!!
Anndi: Mmmmmmm. If you're talking strap-on sex with you, I'm UP for that. Cheers Anndi!!
I was considering correcting the history you related, but why squander the space.
I believe that lighting the Advent Candle of Peace is a most appropriate way to remember Pearl Harbor.
Nick: I beg to differ about my accuracy...Hello?...Nathan's, Hebrew National. Oh yeah, the kosher frank lives. Cheers, Nick!!
...that Coney Dog looks like it was rode hard and put away wet...
You may have missed this on the way to your wind tunnel, let me be the first to congratulate you on your first choice [as was mine] of David Gregory for the new moderator of MTP.
The two greatest things to ever come out of Japan were Saki (I love that rice moonshine) and May Quay. She was a Japanese girl I actually dated while in college. Good grief that girl was CUTE!
And let's face it. Japanese women know their place. The follow a few steps behind their men, they don't ask questions when the husband comes home with lipstick on his collar and a wet spot on his pants. They're perfect!
Send all hate mail to Matt-Man please. hahahahaha ;-)
Coney dogs have been overlooked in my diet as of late... Time to revisit them!
Hmm the coney dog I buy has mustard, tomatoe slice, cheese and pickle spear. It's good. That dog does look a tired Phfrankie. Maybe it was time it was "put down" We have snow this morning and big wind. Big wind is the kind that moves our Toyota Corolla around the raod. Our car was built in the USA too. We were scoping out a Honda yesterday. Hubby ins't real thrilled with our Camry.
Jay, watch someone doesn't impale you on your viking horns.
I'm FREE, white and over FIFTY...
Nobody is EVER gonna tell me WHAT to eat or when. Especially a "religion".
AMEN!
I'll try (almost) anything once (except raw fish) - and things I like I'll try twice.
But if I tell ya, "I tried it and I don't like it" - don't try and get me to eat it OR like it. Case in point:
scallops and lobster.
More for YOU. bon appétit!
Oh hey, I'm all about any opportunity to say fuck you. Where's my coney?
Phfrankie: I bet it's greasy as hell. I like greasy. Cheers!!
Micky: I heard and I am happy. I don't anyone else who could do it more justice. Cheers!!
Jay: Ha. You are such a smooth talker with ladies, Jay. Cheers!!
Cheesy: Well, Good God. No one named Cheesy should be without a coney dog. Cheers!!
Lu: I love mustard on a dog. And lemme tell ya, the Honda is so far a good piece of work. Cheers Lu!!
Songbird: Hey now...We all need more Vikings in our lives. Cheers!!
Starr: With few exceptions, like while eating, I like lighter beers...Of course when one drinks a case a day, one has to make room. Cheers!!
Dice: I agree with ya on all but one thing...I loved deep fried scallops. Cheers!!
Hope: I've got yer coney right c'here...If you'd like it with extra cheese, I'll skip my penicillin dose. Cheers Hope!!
I saw the movie and wished I hadn't. And a Honda is going to be the next Giggle-Mobile...one of these days, when I have some of that stuff they call "currency" again.
I'm a vegetarian but I could probably choke down one of those coney dogs. I love me some kraut...you know, being German and all. LOL
Giggle: Can't go wrong with a Honda, and man oh man, do I loooooove kraut. Cheers GP!!
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