Y’know…
In Monday’s post, I asked for a break.
Well, I got what I asked for…in a way.
Monday, in the deep, dark of the Bagwine night, I went to throw some trash into the dumpster at work.
While the picture that you see is a picture of the dumpster at our apartment complex, the one at work looks much the same.
And hence, this post...
I took the trash out at work Monday night, but when I threw open the lid, it started to come back down.
Acting like the 23 year old that I think that I am, I jumped and lunged at the descending lid and smashed my left side ribs into the Vulcanized steel of the dumpster.
While I have an incredible tolerance for pain, I almost passed out…and nearly threw up. I hit it that hard.
Because of the sheer force and torque of my incredible thighs (and yes, Schmoop can confirm that “incredible” claim) that propelled me…
It was like getting blindsided by Ray Lewis after catching a short, over the middle pass or taking a body shot from George Foreman.
It…fricking…hurt.
And so, rather than working on Tuesday, Pizza Bill graciously agreed to work for me, and I will work for him on Friday.
On top of that, the owner, Drive-By Mike (Thanks for the name, Phfrankie), said to Schmoop as she went through the Drive-Thru late Tuesday...
“Some people will do anything to get out of work.”
That’s so sweet.
Ha…I think he was kidding.
Here’s the thing...with bruised, cracked, or broken ribs…Ya can’t do a damn thing about them. They just have to heal.
Well folks, I can’t bend over. I can’t get comfortable in order to sleep.
I can’t flex my colon without pain in order to rid myself of the sub that Pizza Bill gave me Monday night.
More than painful, my condition is very, very, annoying and time consuming. Hell, it took me nearly 40 minutes to shower and get dressed Tuesday.
I wish my ribs were healthy, sexy, and looked as good as though as those that support Mizz Megan Fox, but alas, they are fucked up.
Mine…not hers.
And guess what else?
I can’t sit down, because it puts pressure on my bruised bones, and yet, I have to go to Ryno’s today and type out a Science Report that he wrote.
But, being the good father that I am, I will go over there by 10 AM and oversee said Science Project for the little guy.
In my, what may seem to be, over dramatized distress, I want to thank Schmoop, Pizza Bill, and Drive-By Mikey and his wife…
I appreciate all of their shift switching, help around the house, and offers of painkilling narcotics.
Cheers!!
29 comments:
Ok--so I'll forgive the premature epostulation but not the pic of the ribby girl--give her a cookie please. You usually post women who are lusciously lovely not boney types. I'm sure she's very nice but come on Matty.
Take care of yourself and don't let Schmoop's brother get any ideas about your 'ribs'
I made a few wrong turns in bloggyland and ended up here - ever so sorry about your ribs - feel better soon and good luck with that science report. Hope ya get an A
Dumbass.
I mean ... Damn man, that sucks. Hope you aren't in too much pain. ;-)
I've never had any broken ribs, but I knew a guy who did once. He broke them right after I hit him with a baseball bat. Long story.
Anyway, get better soon!
Feel better soon.
TB: Well Hell...I needed a pic of a woman whose rubs showed. She was the sexiest I could find. Boy, I found out that there are some gnarly looking rib chicks gracing the internets. Thanks and Cheers!!
Muse: Thanks for the thought, but I must say; if you ended up here, you made the right turn. Cheers!!
Jay: Ha. You are too kind. And yeah, they frickin' hurt. Please expound on the baseball bat story, and how you wielded your wood. Cheers Jay!!
Songbird: Thanks dear. I think. Cheers!!
See...now it sucks to be you
I emphasis with the pain dude...but throwing yourself into a dumpster should have begun in a few years when you are homeless ...ummm I mean feel better
Bond: That was so very warm...
Funny thing...I used to dumpster dive when I worked for SEIU in order to get employee lists and not once did I get hurt. And Now? Bang-O!! How ironic. Cheers!!
OK Captain Dumpster,
That's tough.....I know broken ribs.
You more than likely have a crack, no picnic for awhile pal!
Don't sneeze, don't laugh and pray you don't catch a coughing cold.
Dumbass!
Micky: I know. I banged my right side ribs about this time three years ago. The pain lingered for six weeks.
I have a smoker's morning hack which doesn't help and I have to refrain talking with Drive-By Mikey. He called last night to see how I was doing and per usual we started laughing. It was painful. Cheers Mick!!
Poor Matt-man :( Hot and cold every 20 minutes and lots of Tylenol.
...Turnbaby's right...give the broad a cookie...
Michele: I've been dumping the Tylenol down me. I feel okay when standing. If only I could sleep standing up. Maybe I'll have Schmoop Duct Tape me to the wall tonight. Cheers Michele!!
Phfrankie: Hey, c'mon...I have to use relevant pictures. Art is sometimes painful. Cheers P-Man!!
Damn, you will stop at nothing to join the growing list of injured gimpped out bloggers :) Mic's shoulder, Jay's back, Lu's eye and now Matt-man's rib IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
Hey there fellow Klutz!
Just remember to take deep breaths or you WILL get a cough...I know... been there done that lol....
To hell with a cookie...make that girl a pie!
Lu: Ha. No Shit. I guess I suffer from an overdeveloped sense of needing to belong and felt left out. Here's to the Broken Body Club. Cheers Red Eye!!
Cheesy: Ha. Please don't use the word "pie" in association with her picture...I am unable to have sex right now. Cheers Gimp!!
Join the non-fucking club!
Although my Dr. DID tell me keep my leg in the air...hmmmmm....
ouch! at least you didn't lean in and decapitate yourself - that would make it even harder to help Ryno
feel better sweets
Jay may have weilded his wood (and I really do wanna hear that story)...but I doubt you'll be weilding yours anytime soon.
Heal fast before Schmoop shows up at my door! ;) Not that I'd turn her down....
Jay may have weilded his wood (and I really do wanna hear that story)...but I doubt you'll be weilding yours anytime soon.
Heal fast before Schmoop shows up at my door! ;) Not that I'd turn her down....
I have some vicodin left and I'll gladly share! Poor guy, so sorry you're in such pain!!
Get well quick - rest those ribs as best you can!
That sucks but at least your pals helped you out work-wise.
I'll take a couple of percocets for you.At least I won't hurt. No point in two of us aching. LOL
ouch, I know your pain, cracked 4 of them once. The only way I could sleep was propped up in a recliner, maybe try that. I hope you feel better soon!
Cheesy: Mmmmmmmmm. You with legs in the air. I feel better already. Cheers!!
Dianne: Yeah, that would have been a bummer. All went well today in spite of my ribs. Cheers Di!!
RLL: Yeah you're right. And if Schmoop does show up could you at least take video of the two of you together?
Giggle: Mmmmmmm. I heart Vicodin. It is my prescripton drug of choice. Cheers and Thanks!!
Metal: Ha. By all means. Feel well while I suffer. Cheers!!
Snugs: That's the thing. I feel fine standing up but when I try to bend over or try to lay down, the pain is on. Cheers Snugs!!
just make sure a cracked/broken rib isn't gonna rip and tear something important...like a lung...
not that you take very good care of your lungs anyway....
Kat: I KNEW you would work that in if you commented. Ha. I know you relatively well. And thanks. Even though I have yet to stop smoking. Cheers Kat!!
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